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missmisery88 · Jun 30, 2011, 06:42 PM

Ok so here's the deal. I have a boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 years now and he is great. He treats me well and is a hard worker and we literally have almost everything in common in regards to likes (music, TV, etc... ). However, he is cheap. Well, where he pinches in one way, he blows it in another. For example, we don't go to the movies, we watch them on the computer, then when his car breaks down, he will take it to a garage and pay a lot when my dad who is an automechanic wouldn't charge him for labor. Or when we go out to eat, we may share the meal and Clearance is his favorite word. Over the last few months, I have noticed it more. In addition to him being cheap, we are not envisioning the same ideas for our future together. Our ideas are two opposites.
Ok so the other guy... I have known him for about 2 months, we talk over the internet and on the phone every day. The only problem is he lives a few hours away upstate. But he seems wonderful. He shows genuine concern for my problems and wants to actually help me. We don't have everything common, but a few things. He knows that I have a boyfriend. He isn't pressuring me to break up, but makes it known that he is really into me.
I have feelings for both guys. However, I don't know what to do. I'm so alone, I have no friends to help me out on this. I don't know if I should break up with my boyfriend, and if so how to even do that (ive always been the one dumped) or if I should try to stick it out. And I don't know if I should get with the other guy or just tell him it won't work out.

PLEASE HELP

NeedHelpSoon · Jul 1, 2011, 03:23 AM

Well I'm a guy and I believe you should try to stick it out and point out to him what he's doing wrong and help him fix them show him answers to the problems just like you showed me.. tell him my dad is an automechanic you should go to him.. try to train him the only way is to put it in a guys face otherwise most of us are dumb and can't understand what you are trying to tell us..

EMAILS ON THE PUBLIC FORUM ARE NOT A GOOD IDEA, NOR ALLOWED FOR YOUR OWN SECURITY.

BK201 · Jul 1, 2011, 06:30 AM

Any boy would try to woo at the girl he likes. If we are new, Im your friend and I like you, then I would show only my good side.
+ ve points about your 3 years relationship. He does not seem to have any grave habit like cheating you or mistreating you. What he is doing which you don't like, can be corrected without any doubt.

Now, coming to the new guy, he might actually be a good guy. But trust me, he is just showing his good side to you. Just two months and don't even compare that to the 3 years run you have had with your boyfriend. Lets say by any chance, you break up with your boyfriend, and move on with the new guy, and what would you do if you don't like something in him too? There will be another guy whom you might meet online who will seem nice. But its all an illusion.

So, I suggest, do not give in to what the new guy is doing to you. Please speak to your boyfriend about the problems you are having and I'm sure he would listen to you because he loves you. Or may be he might have some valid points which you might have missed. Im still wondering how come you are thinking to end a 3 years relationship over a guy whom you know for 2 months!

missmisery88 · Jul 1, 2011, 10:45 AM

I have tried pointing out that it seems that we are growing apart. Like in regards to our future, I have sat him down and told him that his idea is not what I want to do with my life. And its like he doenst listen. He changes the subject and like an hour later he makes reference back to it. Its almost like I can't get through to him.

missmisery88 · Jul 1, 2011, 10:56 AM

As I have said in the previous comment, its like I can't talk to my boyfriend - I try but it never has any progress. Weeks before I even met the new guy I have just not been happy with my boyfriend. Its really hard to explain, but it just seems that the "new/honeymoon phase" is over and I feel overwhelmed. I do see your point about the new guy. And it made me stop and think about it. I agree with you 100%. Even if I break up I won't just run upstate for the other guy because of my job.
Im just trying to sort out all of my feelings. And the worst thing is I have no one to talk to (all of my friends have moved away or are no longer friends) and that doesn't help the situation.

BK201 · Jul 1, 2011, 12:42 PM

Glad that you are over the honeymoon period. I was sure that a girl who would take time to analyze what's going on would definitely get the answer.
Now that we have come to an understanding that the problems you are having with your boyfriend are different, and the feelings you had for this guy are two different stories: You are a working woman but I wanted to know how old is your boyfriend. Is he making his own ends meet, or is he depending on you? When he talks about the future, is he talking about it with you in it?

missmisery88 · Jul 1, 2011, 12:58 PM

He is a year older than me, still in college with a year to go. He plans on getting into teaching, however, his major allows him to teach wood and metal shop. Which aren't exactly high demand teaching areas. However, he plans on working for a bit to save up for a farm down south where his dad lives. He refuses to get a job and relies on his mother for money. He talks about his future on the farm, with me in it, but I constantly tell him that if he chooses to go through with it, I can't deal with it. I don't want to stand in his way if that is his dream, but I just cannot stand the thought of it. When I tell him that I can't live like that he just blows me off and changes the subject.

BK201 · Jul 1, 2011, 01:32 PM

Seems like he has had a dream to live like that even before you came. But he is torn apart since you don't like it. This is another peculiar men behavior. Lets say, there is a machine which is problematic, as long as it runs fine, we would not want to touch it and spoil the machine from running. It is in our brain.
So I think that him pushing off the topic when you are bringing it up is because he is unable to make a decision and he does not want to talk about it (It is like touching the problem machine). He needs you, but I guess he can't think of any other way of living other than the farm thing that you have said.
If you are clear and stand in your point that you can't live a life like that, then in time, he will understand that he can't have both you and his dream but to sacrifice one. Question is, will you still be there?

talaniman · Jul 1, 2011, 04:54 PM

Don't worry, if you cannot talk and resolve your issues, then it won't last much longer any way. I feel that you are growing tired of his crap and when you have had enough you will dump him.

Tell him you need a break, and tell him exactly why.You have no intentions of playing in the dirt with him,. NONE! And above all, you ain't happy with the current arrangement. If he can't handle the truth... His problem, not yours. Bet he wants to talk then, and LISTEN. To late then, right?

missmisery88 · Jul 1, 2011, 05:16 PM

Its been a childhood dream. Long line of farmers.

missmisery88 · Jul 1, 2011, 05:18 PM

That is how I have been feeling. If I'm having second thoughts about this relationship, then something is going terribly wrong. I am going to have to really and I mean REALLY sit him down and talk to him. And like you said ill listen, but he's getting the truth. :-\