[regor13]

Hey Guys,

So I have been reading a lot of similar posts and just wanted to share with you my story to see if you had any good advice... I have been dating this girl for the last 2.5 years. I met her in college in CO and lived together for a year. In December I came home to San Francisco and she stayed in Denver.

This may be where everything started to turn for the worst, but first off I need to say that I have traveled for three months in europe during our relationship about a year ago and everything was good while I was gone and we had a strong connection. We missed each other and were just waiting to be reunited. Now that I left from college and entered the real world things began to change in our relationship.

When I came home from college, I know my girlfriend wanted to come with me and find her own job. This may have been my mistake, but I knew that if she came to San Francisco immediately we would be relying on our paretns for support and could not afford anything... So I told her this and I told her I thought it would be a good Idea if we both went home and worked to save money. I love her and would completely consider marrying her because I could completely spend the rest of my life with her but I think this relle upset her.

SO yah now forward to June and we have been doing the LDR for 6 months seeing each other monthly and sometimes twice a month. The LDR had def taken a toll on my girlfriend who says its to hard to not come home to me everyday so she def keeps busy.

Last month she wanted a break and I def did some of the nice guy **** ups, but realized I was pushing her away. What does not make sense to me is that she wanted to move out here with me and potentially get married in the future, but has now done a 180 and wants the dreaded time to herself to focus on her new job and herself??

She def says she loves me and still wants me and that it just hard when we are always not together and that this in no way means shell be with anyone else during our time apart... From what I have read on this site it feeels like I am just be dragged along for the ride and this point our relationship is being put on hiatus... We do not communicate well and I feel like she's putting me on a string. The break is her way of saying I don't know what to do anymore let me see if I can focus on myself, see if I need him or can't find someone else, instead of working on our relationship while were away so when we do move in together everything is fixed. We never fought except for bickering when we lived together, but not its like me not being there = she can't handle the relationship.

I hope this is not the dreaded, ima feel what's out there and see if I can find someone else, but I know ull be waiting for me. We have always been honest with each other and I would know if something was wrong... because we have always had a great relationship, but it is beginning to wain and I am prob pushing her away. She is definitely a flirty girls and loves to know other people look at her.

Basically at this point I am just wondering what do I do...

DO I wait and kind of jjust live my own life, (which is what I am doing) and let her do her own thing too?

Will this time be what she needs or is she just leading me on?

Did I ruin it from the beginning of not making her come with me?

Is it worth waiting through the limbo of if our relationship will work or should I just move on?

At this point I am tempted to just ditch her, but at the same time we have always been honest and open with each other so wouldn't she justt say this isn't working its over? Or is she doing the let him down easy way because he's a nice guy... and of course the last, has she found someone else...


All these questions suck. Deep down I feel like she would be honest, but at the same time I don't know if she could tell me if it does happen.

So on the other hand I am stuck because I should believe and fully trust her at this point...

Yah so any advice would be greatly appreciated...

[talaniman]

Seems to me since YOU made the decision to leave, it was only a matter of time before this thing fell apart, and she had no choice but to fend for herself while she continued trying to get her own thing together. To be fair you had no definite date that you were shooting for, it also seems or, you would have been working for a goal together, instead of working apart.

I don't know what timetable was discussed but do know 5, 6, 7 months with no end in site is a strain on any relationship, and you can only let her have the space to find her own path since yours is undefined.

You needed a better plan than monthly visits and random calls to keep you together. At this time it seems the 6 months apart did nothing to make her think this was going to work. It happens as long distance relationships are extremely hard with the most committed, or dedicated.

DO i wait and kind of jjust live my own life, (which is what i am doing) and let her do her own thing too?

Make a decision based on facts and, simply ask her if she is coming to join you, or NOT, and then go from there.

[regor13]

Thanks for the advice and taking time to read what I wrote. Yess I do think I made a mistake about not having her come out right away and it was a stupid mistake which will probably ruin the relationship... At this point she has a job that she could get hired full time at. If she gets the job she could move out here but I think I blew it. The plan was to save up money and for her to come out here... I think by not having her out here to begin with now makes her question our relationship...
So what do I do now? I still get the I love and miss u, but the fact that I am not there is not helping the situation at all and I feel like she is concentrating on work and herself to keep her mind off me. That also does not help the relationship and pushes me further away. We have always had a great relationship before the LDR began, but now it has fallen apart. Was it my fault for wanting to save money and concentrate or work for a bit? I was not trying to get rid of her and she knows I love her

I guess the question is:

Is it still worth fighting for her at this point, or is it better to let her go? (cuz I would just keep fighting)

[regor13]

She wants to come join me... its now a question of when it will be possible. And this between time is hurting her, me and the relationship we built. I guess I thought us being apart would be like last summer... but your right there is not definite point that we will be back together, only a rough estimate

So do I give her time and space... Or completely break it off because it is hurting boht of us. I feel I let go, it will end up being for good which my heart does not want... :(

[talaniman]

Then you talk, and get a definite time, sooner rather than later. I mean how long was she supposed to wait for you to send for her?

[regor13]

OK I will try... anymore advice?

[talaniman]

Hope for the best, prepare for the worse.