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Flyguy62 · Jun 21, 2011, 10:44 PM

I have built up defenses around my heart better than the defenses at fort Knox There was this girl that I completely fell for. Hook, line, and sinker. I really did love her and I that she felt the same way. Or at least that's what she told me. After about five months I proposed to her and she said of course. She was happy and estatic. But three months later I found that she was seeing some of her friends And was cheating on me. About a month later in our eighth month together she just said out of the blue that she wanted to take a break and for me not to contact her mutch for the next week or two. After the first week of seeing her flirt with other guys in our college class I had had enough and I approached her and said we needed to talk. She then just basically said there's no need I'm breaking up with you. I asked why and she said that I didn't make her happy and that there where plenty of other guys put there and that I was a better friend anyway and that for her the whole engagement was more of a game than anything and she wasn't really ever interested. She defiantly broke my heart. But I fell so hard after her that I never wanted to go through it again. I don't een know if I can love again. And if I do decide to start dating again how will I be able to give her a fair chance and trust her. Any advice will help thanks

tickle · Jun 22, 2011, 04:06 AM

Plenty of fish in the sea. This will not be your only serious relationship. The problem was you hooked up with a girl who wasn't entirely mature enough to handle a relationship of trust and security. You just happened to ask the wrong girl to marry you. You actually didn't give it enough time before you asked her to marry you, so you have a lot growing up to do as well.

Tick

Jake2008 · Jun 22, 2011, 05:09 AM

Part of the problem here is that you didn't see this coming.

She is a brutal, game playing, selfish human being, with as much integrity and sincerity as a gutter snake. She played you bigtime, and you didn't stop to really think about where the relationship was going, or even if it was solid. Even after she cheated on you, you still thought of working things out, and even now, you mention 'if you date her again', and wonder if YOU can give HER a fair chance.

Trust me on this one- she is BAD news.

Part of you getting through this terrible period in your life, is figuring out what went wrong. Ask yourself why you would be attracted to such a person in the first place. Dig a little and see if you cannot identify other aspects of her personality that were troublesome. Think about who gave more, and who took more, emotionally and otherwise. There were reasons she used you, and those you have to face.

It may be you needed this experience to shake your world up a little bit to know that not all women are created equal. There are just as many users and abusers among women, than among men.

Figure out what you want in a relationship. Build a list starting with trust, which comes over time. Everybody puts their best foot forward in the beginning. Go beyond that point and get the nitty gritty. How does this person handle anger, disappointment; do they deserve your trust, are they worth investing time in. Only when you know a person beyond the rose coloured glasses phase, can you make an informed decision.

As horrible a person as she is, she has taught you a valuable lesson. Never again let yourself jump all the necessary steps before being, or assuming, you are in a solid relationship.

joypulv · Jun 27, 2011, 03:56 AM

Yes, brutal, selfish, game playing, immature. You need to hear those words! And once you have crawled out from under that enormous crushing rock you are under, STOP with the thoughts like 'give her a fair chance and trust her.' That's not you talking, that's the person who's been beaten to a pulp, tied up with a bag over your head, and locked in a closet, grateful for the smallest crumb, ready to rob a bank like Patty Hearst. You don't need to be friends with her, and why on earth would you trust her ever again? (ANSWER: You wouldn't.)

Gather your real friends around and it's their job (as ours) to tell you this, over and over, until it heals. You don't need to start thinking in terms of never being able to love again; it's too soon for that.