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Nalajay93 · Jun 19, 2011, 05:15 PM

I had been dating this guy for a year and a bit & then I broke up with him because I was really angry with him one night, we settled that we would be friends, he still used to text me everyday until I got told that he slept with this girl, I was really angry so I went out that night & started talking to his best friend, we exchanged numbers & the next day started texting, a week or so later the ex text me & said who have you been talking to & be honest, so I told him & he sent me a message saying it was dog act & that he hates me for it, at this time I was still really angry & the next day I got told he was dating this girl, so I went up to the bestfriends house & slept with him, we started dating a few days after, a week ago I got told that the ex never got with this girl at all it was just a rumor :( now I feel terrible & want him back so bad :( but 2 things stand in the way- the new boyfriend who I don't even love ? & the fact that he hates me & won't talk to me :( please help me get him back :( pleaseeee!! :(

I forgot to add-
We were each others first as well as first boyfriend I'd had & first girlfriend he had :(

Cat1864 · Jun 19, 2011, 05:42 PM

Bluntly, you don't get him back. You break up with the current guy since he isn't really a boyfriend. He is someone you are using for revenge. Not good and not healthy. You heal and move on. Take the lessons learned and put them to use in your next relationship.

You use the phrase 'I was angry' several times. You need to step back and work on anger management. That doesn't have to be a negative thing. It can be very positive to learn how to handle being angry especially in a relationship so that you don't end up in another mess like this one.

In the future, think before you act. Revenge hurts you as much if not more than the other person. It is also not fair to involve his friend. I am not excusing the friend's behavior in this, but that is a different problem. You can't control his behavior but you can control your own and it is time you do.

Your ex is angry with only a limited right to be. You weren't in a relationship together so neither of you had any right to get upset with the other person getting involved with someone else. He has a right to be angry because you set out to destroy a friendship and that is something that does not speak well of your personal code of conduct.

Somehow, I don't think that is the type of person you really want to be or the code of conduct you want to live by. Don't allow anger to cause you to do things that you know are wrong.

Let him, the relationship and the anger (his and yours) go. Give yourself permission to learn, heal and move forward. I am not saying it will easy or it won't hurt for awhile. I am saying that it will be better for you. You will end up happier and healthier if you expend your energy on working on yourself instead of trying to get him back.

Take care of yourself. Have as little contact with him as you can. Be polite if you have to interact with him, but do not seek him out. Live your own life and leave him to live his own.

Good luck.

bewildered0208 · Jun 19, 2011, 07:03 PM

The reaction that you had towards this "rumor" was rash and immature. You'd be completely lucky to win this man's heart back after the betrayal you inflicted upon him. You have violated this man's friendship with your irrational behavior.

aGuyWithIssues · Jun 20, 2011, 04:13 AM

Frankly? You slept with his best friend out of revenge... And now you want him back? Do you really think he's ever going to trust you again?

kcomissiong · Jun 20, 2011, 07:44 AM

If you love him, please leave him alone. You behavior is irrational, immature, and destructive. Who would want to be in a relationship like that. If you truly, truly love him, let him find a healthy relationship instead of continuing to make selfish decisions and try to hold onto him.

talaniman · Jun 20, 2011, 03:44 PM

You had your chance, blew it, and should leave him alone until you get your own behavior under control. As for the new guy? It won't last long once he knows the truth. And I doubt he would be happy when he does find out about your actions.

Boy do you have a mess to clean up, so start with being honest. Nobody will ever believe you but that's what you better do for YOURSELF.