[talaniman]

Jehovah Witness's ARE Christians, and your religion has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself, or what he likes to do.

Could you be influenced by some of the people in your congregation?

Could you be influenced by you're inability to eventually get married?

Could you be conflicted within yourself as to the way you live?

What is behind your conversion to be a JW?

Does his watching porn make that difficult?

What is his opinion of you converting to be a JW?

What does his ex have to do with your relationship with him?

These are my questions to YOU, but the question you have to ask yourself is why are you threatened by porn, and the females that act in them?I guess I would like your thoughts on that one too, Please?

[rebeccahstrean]

I don't understand. Explain.

[Alty]

Great questions Tal, and I'd love to hear the answers.

Fact is, porn is entertainment. Some people like thrillers, some like romance, others like comedy or animation. Different strokes for different folks.

It has nothing to do with your partner, not at all.

If your religion forbids porn, yet you're living with and having sex with someone you're not married to (that's against JW's beliefs) then you're picking and choosing what you believe in (according to your religious convictions) and what you'll let pass.

Living with someone, and having sex with someone you're not married to, is a far greater sin then watching porn for a JW.

Also, your boyfriend isn't JW (or is he?), so what sin is he committing?

The only sin I see is the one you're allowing. Porn, that's just something you don't like, and he does. I would suggest counseling, big time. Counseling to stop your controlling ways, learn to communicate, and learn to understand what porn is really all about. Because it's not what you think it is. Not even close.

[rebeccahstrean]

Cause guys like that kind of wemen.

[rebeccahstrean]

When we first got together he told me he wanted to marry me. I waited then it just happened. I tell him all the time its not right but it just blows into an argument that its NEVER going to happen so I just let it go.

[Wondergirl]

Cause guys like that kind of wemen.

They are women that don't exist, they are fantasies, they are not real. They are actresses existing for only one purpose, and that's not to bake cupcakes or cook dinner or do the laundry. They exist for only one purpose, but that purpose is not to be our competition.

[rebeccahstrean]

1. Yes 2. don't understand. 3. don't understand. 4. My mom was studying it before she died. 5. no 6. He didn't trust me for the longest time. He thought I was cheating on him cause that's what his ex wife did. So he used to think every women is the same. I"m threatened by them cause I don't LOOK anything like them. But from what I"m getting from all of you its OK. Your all right. If he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't be in this relationship with me. I just ask him if he wants me to get boob or butt implants and fix my teeth so I can look like them. And then maybe he might want to (what you all call) fantise about me instead. I can't help it that I don't have a booty to shake and big boobs.

[Alty]

When we first got together he told me he wanted to marry me. I waited then it just happened. I tell him all the time its not right but it just blows into an argument that its NEVER going to happen so I just let it go.

Fine. Then why can't you let the porn go? Why are you stuck on that, but not the fact that you're having sex out of marriage?

Hey, I had sex out of marriage, so I'm not judging, but then, my beliefs don't go against that sort of thing. Yours do, and you've used your beliefs to justify that porn is bad, yet you decided to "just let it go" of the fact that sex without marriage is bad per your beliefs. See where I'm going with this?

Cause guys like that kind of wemen.

Because guys fantasize about that kind of woman. My fantasy, the guy I drool over, is Vin Diesel. I like everything about him. The part I like most, his voice. That deep sexy voice gets me every time. Fact is, I'm married, love my husband. We've been together for 21 years (since we were 19). He's nothing like Vin Diesel, and if Vin came up to me tomorrow and said "Let's get it on baby, I want you", my response would be "No. I'm married, and I love my husband".

It's fantasy, not reality. Reality is that he loves you, and only you. He watches porn because he's a guy, and porn is something guys like. Truth told, I'm not that into porn. I hate the bad acting, the music, no plot, girls that aren't realistic, and guys that aren't either. But I'm a girl.

My husband watches porn. He enjoys it. One thing, he comes to bed with me, and when we have sex, he's making love to me, not some unrealistic bimbo in a porn flick he just watched.

It's a release, and nothing else. It's fantasy. So stop making it reality, because it isn't!

[rebeccahstrean]

I will get counseling. Thanks everyone:)

[Alty]

I will get counseling. thanks everyone:)

Counseling is really your only option, and I'm glad that you're going to take that advice.

Your behavior in this relationship is amazing, and not in a good way. You really need professional help in dealing with all of this.

Judging by your behavior (asking 1000 times a day if he loves you, demanding your way or the highway, etc. etc.), it's amazing that this man is still with you. I don't know any other man that would have put up with what your guy has. If anything, that should make you realize his love for you. If he didn't love you, he'd have left long ago. Most people would have.

You need to learn how to control your demanding attitude, and your insecurity, otherwise it will destroy your relationship. Even a saint (and your boyfriend has been a saint), eventually gets sick of it all and leaves.

I hope that counseling helps you reconcile your insecurities.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Thank you for your responses. They paint a picture of someone looking for guidance who is very frustrated by the events of her life. You are clearly looking for something better, as you seem to need the full love and attention and support from something, don't quite know what, but feel that's what you are looking for. I think you are a bit caught up between what everyone says you should be doing, and what it is you want to do, and the porn is but a way to blame something, or someone for what you want and don't have.

Somehow you think this fellow will give you what you really want, a nice secure loving home, but he has flaws, and cannot. Your actions and behavior of a desperate very insecure person, that works hard for the whole picture of good life, but there are a few pieces missing from the picture, and so you think its porn, but is nowhere near the issue.

He is the whole problem, not what he does, but what he doesn't do. That is your real issue. He isn't meeting your expectations that you have of him, which may seem reasonable to you, but he just can't do it. At the bottom of the heap of confused feelings, and misdirected anger, you have managed to pick out things that you think, if they would change or go away, everything would be all right. Your grand plan would be perfect.

That my dear, is the root of your frustration since everything you have tried has not worked, and you seem far away from having what you want, and it seems so clear to see, but this guy doesn't see it as you do at all. How do I know all this? Because you said in your first post here,

So I always told my boyfriend not to look at girls on youtube.com cause they are shaking their booty and they are pretty and I don't like it. Its like looking at porn. I told him I didn't want him to do it either. So he hid it from me for almost a year. So then last week he asked me to watch an adult video with him... I didn't know what to do so the next day I asked my dad what I should do and he told me to just try it once or twice and see how I feel or if I like it. So I did! I though the first time was interesting but then I realized that I wasn't getting him off it was what was on the TV that did it. And the second time also I felt the same. Now when we have sex I think he's thinking of other girls. This is brining myself esteem down. Why does he do this? Is he not attractive to me? Or do I need plastic surgery for him to not do this?

This is ALL you, projecting your fear into his actions, and this is a very unhealthy thing to do, and hard for him to share a good clean adult time with you. Of course you made this HIS fault, instead of your own thinking. But there is even more,

My dad said him and my mom did the same she really didn't care for it but my dad said that he loved it. He's cheated on my mom though and I don't want my boyfriend to cheat on me. Does this mean he's going to cheat on me? Or I'm not pretty? Should I get plastic surgery for him to be more attractive to me?

Since you don't know what a healthy relationship is, you are but taking your mothers place in attitude, and religion, and think your boyfriend will be like your dad. Seems to me this is a learned behavior, but you have no other example to emulate.

And I have a cyst on my brain that causing me to have seizures and I don't need this stress from him on top of my seizures.

But this is what indicates the problems are much harder for you to deal with as I don't know what kind of care and meds you are taking, but you clearly need to speak with your doctor, and get some better help for ALL your unhealthy think, and actions, and while I have nothing against any religion, its clear your needs go beyond the church, or hall as you call it, because it is but part of a deeper rift between you and your boyfriend, and the only way to deal with it is through the guidance of someone especially trained in your issues, so they can be properly addressed.

Whether I am close, or way off, doesn't matter, just get some real help, support, and guidance. Starts with an honest talk with your doctor.This ain't about porn, not even close, and as long as you keep thinking it is, you will never find a good solution to the problem.

[rebeccahstrean]

So this morning I went to my first counseling session. She said I'm taking my anger, depression, sadness, aniexity from my moms death onto my boyfriend. She said its not good. I have to see my neurologist tomarrow. I'm going to have him change my pills. The counselor is trying to help me with my mom but she tells me what everyone else says: In time it will get better. But I don't think so. I came home sat down with my boyfriend and talked to him. He listened to every word I said and he talked back. I feel that our relationship is back on track and were so much better. As for porn... I don't care. What matters is that he loves me and its not like he loves them or he's going to leave me for them. Thank you everyone for everything. I want to be a better person and I'm working on it:) Thanks again I can't thank you enough:)

[Wondergirl]

So this morning I went to my first counseling session.

I am so pleased -- and proud of you too!! Stick with it. And let us know how things are going.

[rebeccahstrean]

I saw my nuerologist yesturday and he switched my medication so I don't have mood swings or thoughts of suicide any more:) My psychologist is helping me with my thinking about the porn and my feelings. All of you are right. I'm sorry for acting the way I did. My boyfreind went to the counseling session with me and we got it out and our feelings and we've been good since:) thanks for the advice:)

[rebeccahstrean]

That is what my counselor said. Its just a fantasy and nothing else. I shouldn't be worried so I'm not. He did it last night and it didn't bother me. And we had sex after when he came up to the room and it was amazing:) my counselor said I'm trying way to hard in this relationship and I should just let things fall in place. I'm going to start doing that. I don't want to loose him and I'm going to follow your guys advice and my counselors advice. Thanks again:)

[rebeccahstrean]

I relize that now. Thanks.

[rebeccahstrean]

Now that I look back on it I had been a B**** about this whole thing. I had appoligized to my boyfriend and he's willing to help me change and be there for me. I'm going to stick with the counseling. She gave me some papers on how to deal with relationship stuff and death for my mom. Its helping I have them on my wall and I read them every day. So I can remember things. Now that I'm off my pills I can be easy going like I use to be before the pills took over my emotions. :)

[Wondergirl]

You are one amazing woman, Rebeccah!! Thanks for the updates. I'm glad counseling is working for you -- and I'm even more glad you are open to it.

And you know you can always come here to vent.

[Aurora_Bell]

Great Job Rebeccah! Please do keep us posted. Great work and keep it up! I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is so understanding of your situation. He sounds like a real keeper!

[rebeccahstrean]

:) yes he is I'm proud of him:)