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jessi72 · Jun 19, 2011, 11:08 AM

Now this could be true. I have given a thought or two on the matter, my relationship with my husband is a long term and we never fight, we never even argue, we are the most stable couple we know. We trust each other, we spend time together, our intimacy is amazing and one of the reason why we are postponing children is exactly the fact that we want to stay with each other a little bit more:) The issues (if any) could come from my professional life, which is not so perfect lately. I sometimes feel that I haven't fulfilled my goals and I demand more from myself. The link with my former boyfriend could be due to his success at my place of work (he holds a better position in the bank) and the fact that I want to prove myself. The question is why would I want to prove myself to him? There is no competition between us and I don't think he expects me to.

jessi72 · Jun 19, 2011, 11:12 AM

Discussing things with spouses, the direct approach, no matter how harsh, has always been my no. one advice to anybody that has ever asked me how to make a marriage last forever:) Thank you for your kind answer.

jessi72 · Jun 19, 2011, 11:18 AM

I've always liked these straight answers. I would love to be able to do that and I am positive I will. The thing is, I am an over-thinker when it comes to this guy. I give importance to certain people and certain thoughts because they have left a specific mark on my existence. Along the time, I have met plenty of human beings that display awkward behaviour and I did not mind, I even pointed out things and moved on. No paranoia, nothing:) This time, I believe it will be a little bit harder, though.

jessi72 · Jun 19, 2011, 11:23 AM

I hope not. He is an honourable man. I have a very short record of men in my life, but they have all been outstanding, as human beings. It could be, of course gossip at the place of work, someone reminding him of me and him being upset or feeling uncomfortable with this, but I have never heard anybody say anything, so it makes me wonder. We are, as I said, both married and I do hope he is happily married to. He deserves it. During our short relationship I have made a lot of mistakes (blame it on the age and hormones:) and I also have a sense of guilt in his presence.

Cat1864 · Jun 19, 2011, 02:03 PM

Could a subconscious part of your brain be 'blaming' his 'anger' for you not being further ahead than you are? We aren't talking about the rational and ordered part that obviously knows it isn't true, but a tiny part that is looking for reasons outside of yourself. To keep from fully thinking about those irrational feelings, could you be focusing on the past personal ones?

Not logical, but very human.

jessi72 · Jun 19, 2011, 02:39 PM

The fact that he was displaying non verbal aggressive cues - eyes squinting, straightening position of the body, passed by me and invaded my personal space - was a general fright/scare and combined with all the history that I thought had died, they all make a recipe for distress. Explainable. You do make a valid point here and I will take it into consideration .

QLP · Jun 20, 2011, 04:28 AM

If you really are struggling to move on from this may I suggest you try writing him a letter - one you aren't going to send I might add.

Write to him telling him how you felt in the past, how him behaving like a jerk recently made you feel, and how you feel at the end of it. Don't focus on his feelings but on yours, though of course you can write how not understanding his behaviour has made you feel.

Then burn it or tear it into lots of little pieces.

It's a tactic I have found helpful in the past in releasing feelings which have got stuck.