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yellowjello · Jun 14, 2011, 08:00 PM

My boyfriend is passionate when we are cuddling before and after hooking up. However during hooking up he likes being dirty. I like being dirty too however I do not want it to be that way every single time. There are times I am in an emotional and romantic mood and need to hook up in a more passionate way.

I told him I need him to be passionate sometimes. However it usually never works. When I tell him I want to be passionate, he usually is very resistant and tries to convince me to be dirty. The other day he said okay, and everything was fine at first, but when he got hornier he started talking dirty again and was not able to stop. I would keep telling him to stop but he would start again. He would start talking dirty and getting into dirty mode and trying to convince me to do dirty things.

I got mad but he said he can't help it. He said when he gets really horny he can't control his thoughts. His mind automatically thinks dirty thoughts and he can't help himself.

I don't understand what to do. How can I help him stop the dirty thoughts and focus on being passionate?

Don't get me wrong, I love being dirty too sometimes but there are times I need to be passionate instead.

Synnen · Jun 15, 2011, 07:40 AM

How old are you both?

yellowjello · Jun 15, 2011, 09:58 AM

23

Synnen · Jun 15, 2011, 10:01 AM

So... if he's not fulfilling you emotionally the way you want him to, then stop the sex when he starts getting dirty.

You're not getting the fulfillment YOU want... so stop him from getting the sexual fulfillment HE wants. Seriously--if you agree ahead of time you want romance instead of dirty, then the SECOND he changes it to dirty, get up and get dressed.

rebeccahstrean · Jun 15, 2011, 10:05 AM

This is what I would do.
I would make a romance scene. Kind of something normal so its not overwhelming him.
Start with something smooth like candles. Like a dinner. Or get some strawberries or whatever and have candles lit and have like a strawberry cute corny thing. You know. Be creative. My boyfriend isn't that romantic so I say stuff like " I seen this movie today and the guys wife came home and he already had her bath water running and candles on the table for a romantic evening together." It works. Try it :)

Cat1864 · Jun 15, 2011, 12:10 PM

He is going to have to learn that just because you think it doesn't mean you have to say it. He can think 'dirty' all he wants but he can channel it into passion if he works at it. You will have to show some patience and guide him back to what you both agree on until he learns a new way of showing pleasure.

Do the two of you have the same understanding of what is 'passionate' and what is 'dirty'? Part of communicating is finding out how each of you defines certain words and acts and finding a definition you can agree on.

Maybe you can take the lead and show him by example what you need and want. He starts getting what you both agree is 'dirty', then back off. He comes back to what is agreed is 'passionate'. You respond positively.

If he ignores your needs then do what Synnen suggests and get up. Don't just lay there and complain. It only shows him that what you say isn't what you really want and reinforces his behavior.