[ilikecereal1997]

Ok me and Andy started going out in January. I wanted to see what it would be like going out with him and said to myself maybe I would learn to love him in time. I have to say I do love him now but obviously not as much because as soon as I met his best mate Keiran I was immediately having feelings for him. With Andrew it was a "lets see if i can learn to love him" thing (on my side anyway) but with Keiran it was more of an instant thing.

This grew after I went up to Keiran's house for the day. I found myself thinking about him all the time. My boyfriend and his other mate noticed I act the same way around Keiran as I do my boyfriend.
That night I told Andy about my feelings for Keiran which he took well. He said it was OK because he knows it won't change anything, and that I should tell Keiran because he has a rigt to know

The next day I told Keiran that I was in love with him and he said he was in love with me as well.
My boyfriend at this point was going off in a mood and being a prick to me and I tried talking to Andy but it wasn't working.

Andrew and Keiran are both in love with me and they both say its not my fault but I need to pick and they'd still love me and be my friend if I didn't pick him. I was sooo frustrated over this because it was just upsetting and Keiran was there all the time Andrew wasn't and I ended up kissing Keiran a little bit.

Andrew has more bad points and less good points than Keiran, and Keiran has more good and hardly any bad, but I was crying the whole train journey home because I just don't know what to do. I know they both love me deeply. Keiran probably more than Andrew, but I don't want to hurt Andrew because I love him, and I don't want to know what people would think if I dumped Andrew and went out with Keiran. Andrew is so familiar to me now I don't know if I can dump him but I need Keiran. I don't know what to do help me!



Edited/T

[Homegirl 50]

If you love them both, do them both a favor and leave both of them alone so they can get over you.
I don't know any guy that would take the news that his girl is in love with his best friend and his best friend loves her too.
How much time have you been spending with his best friend?

[talaniman]

If you can't make up your mind who to be with, who you love, and who you are loyal to, then you can't choose either of them. No matter who you choose the other will be hurt, and worse, they are supposed to be friends.

What kind of friend goes behind his friends back, and tries to steal his girl? Not a very good one, but since you are in the middle, step back and give this more thought, because maybe being just friends with them both is the better choice. Then you won't be a cheater for messing with one, while going with the other.

[ilikecereal1997]

I talk to the best friend almost every day and see him like every 2nd weekend. That could change to every weekend.

Keiran wasn't trying to steal me away from andrew. He said to me that he was trying to suppress the feelings he had for me out of respect for Andrew. He only started admitting it after andrew said it wasn't any of our faults. He said "you can't help how you feel. If you're in love then it isnt your fault its just happened"

I told andrew that our relationship is mute till I figure this out. Same with keiran. I said that Keiran and Andrew are equal just now until I can figure it out.

[Homegirl 50]

If he was trying to suppress these feeling he had no business talking to you almost every day. He had no business spending time with you.

You can control that by staying away from the person. What was your excuse? Why were you spending so much time with your boy friend's best friend?
There are something's you just don't do. Leave them both alone.
How old are you guys?

[I wish]

I'd say back away from both guys and give yourself some time to figure out what exactly you want.

Once you figured it out, then be honest with both guys about your feelings. No more leading Andrew on because you don't want to hurt him. You're hurting him more by leaving him hanging.

As for Keiran, I'm not sure how deeply you feel about it, it could be a major crush. But time away from both guys will allow you to think more clearly and then you'll be in a better position to make a decision.

[ilikecereal1997]

Ok I was spending time with keiran because he was the only one I could talk to about some bad stuff. Like self harm and just bad stuff in general. Does it matter how old we are?? Seriously it doesn't matter. Treat this question as you would coming from an adult.

"I Wish" you're right... I haven't been talking to either in the past few days. And I think... I think I feel more and want to be with Keiran more... I'm just scared of ending it with andrew because I don't know how he'd react. :(

[I wish]

Harshness warning

First off, seems like you're on the right track. Continue to keep a little more distance from both until you've fully sorted things out.

Secondly, if you decide to break up with Andrew, then it would be like any other break up. Both people go their separate ways and find their own way to recover from the break up.

But for sure, you're hurting him more by giving him false hope by keeping him around because you're too scared of his reaction. Look at it this way, you're better off cutting him lose so that he can find happiness elsewhere instead of living in the dark with you.

As for your own guilt, it's something that you're going to have to deal with. So it's not fair to you or Andrew for you to keep hanging on. The early stages of a break up is always going to be tough, but look at the long run. By breaking up, both of you are given the chance to find happiness elsewhere instead of tying each other down.

You don't need to provide your exact age, but at least an age range would be helpful so that we can give you age appropriate advice. Advice can vary from teens, to tweenties, to thirties, to forties, to fifties, to sixties. So even though you say you're an adult, the advice can still vary.

The others did bring up a valid point about two best friends going for the same girl. If you do pick one of them, there's a very good chance that they may not longer be friends. But that's going to be a decision that the two of them are going to have to live with. As long as genuinely believe that Keiran is not a girlfriend stealer.

[ilikecereal1997]

Thank you. I WIll break up with andrew.
I'm pretty sure andrew and keiran will still be friends. Andrew and keiran talk a lot about stuff and they're promising not to let it come between them. And keiran isn't a girlfriend stealer. I'm positive of that

[Homegirl 50]

Age does make a big difference in the advice given and I'm sorry you did not find mine helpful but the fact is, there are something's you don't do.
I asked the age because I'm wondering why your boyfriend is so OK and understanding with his best friend liking his girlfriend and you liking him.
If you are spending a lot of time with your boyfriend's best friend and you start to feel an attraction, you stop spending time.

[KyronWallace]

Hey, umm it's quite a pickle you got into there isn't it.. but When you met Keiran it was more like love at first glance, but with Andrew it wasn't now you can do 3 things really Go with Keiran, Go with Andrew or None, If you go with Keiran your hurt Andrew, if you go with Andrew your hurt Keiran, but going with None will make you look like you played them both, if you choose none make sure it clear to both of them it's because you would much rather the 3 of you to be friends, but you could always later go out with Keiran (if he is the one you want) But talk to Andrew about it and get his advice, and to talk to him about the feelings you have for Keiran, and let him know that he's is such a good friend, that way he won't mind it so much. I hope this helps, If you would like more, Please just ask:)