[JohnY1981]

I've been in a relationship now for about a year. It's great, we are both working people in our mid-20's. We are both in it for the long-term haul. Here's the problem. A few months into our relationship I've learned about some things in her past that don't sit well with me. I vowed to never ask about a girls past anymore because I'm not going to like what I hear anyway, but it came up. I'm not perfect, sleeping with 10 girls myself. However her number is an unknown number around the 40 to 50 people range. This disgusted me. Most of these happened when she was in her 18-20 year old stage, a lot of clubbing/one night stand deals. I also learned she had an abortion, didn't practice safe sex, went down on 2 guys at the same time, she slept with a married man more than once. Also what's even worst is there are a couple of these guys that I know personally through High School and what not.
She's brutally honest with me and tells me she is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I'm a really good honest and hard working guy. I just don't know how to stop getting mad when I think about these things. It's a horrible feeling. I asked her like why, why so many guys? Did it ever occur that when you lost count that it was kind of getting out of hand? She says she was young and dumb and made mistakes, and she liked the attention and didn't like being alone. I find these excuses kind of dumb and its almost like I want to argue with her and make her feel bad for it even though she already does. It's just that she had a lot of this sex 30-35 guys before a 4.5 year relationship, after that ended she had sex with around 10 or so guys I believe. It's just that I feel almost like she didn't learn because she admitted her last relationship had problems with her past as well. It ended and it seems like it continued up until she met me. My thing is that I believe her, I trust her, I don't think she'd ever cheat on me, but I do think about her past and it does affect me. How can I cope with this to make my relationship work? Should I seek therapy or something? Maybe a relationship specialist? Should I just let it continue and get disgruntled over the situation every once in awhile?

[adviceishere]

Have you ever wondered why she was like this? People, in my opinion, don't sleep around like this unless they have extremely low self-esteem issues. She doesn't need your judgement, no doubt this plays on her mind and she has trusted you enough to tell you and risk a relationship she cherishes. If you can't accept her past (because it will always be there) then you need to let her go.

[redhed35]

Your girlfriend has not been lucky with guys, you included.

She herself has said she feels bad about it and has admitted why, ( she did not want to be alone) and also admitted she made mistakes, she's growing and learning about herself, that's brilliant, she's also a trusting soul because she told this, had she known your reaction I doubt she would have said anything, and who could blame her.

Put your big judgemental head back in a box and leave it there, if you want to be with this girl then love her and accept her, as she has accepted your past.

If it makes you vomit every time you think about it, yes you need some councilling, if you can be mature enough to realise people make mistakes, I'm sure you have made mistakes, your parents made mistakes, I have made mistakes, everyone has done something they regret... EVERYONE.

If you can't get over it, dump her and the best of luck trying to find a mate who's past sits well with you.

[adviceishere]

Had to spread the rep Red! But you are a breath of fresh air!