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dreindl · Jun 11, 2011, 06:48 AM

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 15 months and over this summer we decided we were going to take a break. Everything in our relationship was absolutely perfect for the first 10 months of our relationship and then things got a little shaky. She is 1 year older than me and will graduate sooner than I will. We both go to the University of Florida but she lives in FL I live in IL.

We first started having problems when she asked me about our future and I being the dumb stupid immature boy played it off like we didn't have to talk about it. I kept not really giving straight answers to her questions about grad school and such and then I feel like my lack of commitment really turned her off. I also became obsessed with sports and really stopped communicating well with her about how I felt and she gave me plenty of warning signs.

She said she felt distant and not as connected anymore and pretty much we fell out of love. I would trade anything in the world to get her back and this is because I feel desperate and a sense of loss. This I am sure, because I realized I was in love with her as soon as we went on break and not before we decided to break up about 2 weeks ago.

SHe is really adventurous and spontaneous and really was looking for a long term commitment and I really really messed up. Our relationship was so awesome for the first ten months then it got stagnant and we started watching TV everyday and really just became farther and farther apart and I regret everything over the past six months and need an effective way to get her back when we finally go back to school.

I need to show her I have changed because I truly have learned a lot about myself but I fear she is getting her adventurous needs filled now that she is alone and I just love her so much and need a good way to apologize and win her back. I have given up caring about sports because that was not helping and also I have quit playing video games.

I am not trying to change these things for her but I realize what is important in life and that is the people that we love and these 2 activities really put a damper on our relationship and I will do anything to get back. Any advice would be really helpful! I know that my neglecting her and taking her for granted ruined the relationship and I know that deep down she still loves me but the past six months have covered up her feelings for me and If I had asked her to marry me six months ago she would have said yes! I know deep down she still loves me I just need to show her I have changed so that I can unearth those feelings.

NatuaralThinker · Jun 11, 2011, 07:53 AM

Dude sorry to hear it. Had a similar problem. If I were you I will email this letter to her from you and ask her for another chance. Try blowing her mind away by surprising her with a romantic dinner or something like that.

dreindl · Jun 11, 2011, 08:10 AM

I meant to say this is not because of feelings of desperation or loss btw* sorry I had a typo. What happened in your situation? Did some things not work and some things work? If you could I would appreciate if you elaborated

JudyKayTee · Jun 11, 2011, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by NatuaralThinker

Dude sorry to hear it. Had a simmilar problem. If I were you I wil email this letter to her from you and ask her for another chance. Try blowing her mind away by suprising her with a romantic dinner or something like that.

If the relationship is over, if she wants out, if things are not going well, a romantic dinner which "blows her mind" is not going to change things.

An honest conversation is the only hope. Written communication is okay but it is very difficult to interpret when there is no facial expression or body language.

Talk to her.

dreindl · Jun 11, 2011, 02:44 PM

The Problem is that I can't do it over the phone and she is about to leave for ireland for 7 weeks and I won't be able to talk to her for that time and I'm hoping she realizes her mistake when she is alone without me. I need to see her in person and I feel that buying a plane ticket to ireland is overstepping my bounds and I think it would backfire. I think I need to give her space for the summer but when we both go back to school I should have a chance to show her and talk to her of the changes I am making to improve myself. (mostly show because telling doesn't do any good without proof)

JudyKayTee · Jun 11, 2011, 02:46 PM

I think you're smart and proceeding wisely. Give her a chance to think without pressure.

Only my opinion, but, yes, I think you have a handle on things.

Telling without showing is wise insight indeed!

talaniman · Jun 11, 2011, 03:22 PM

I agree with Judy, keep working on yourself and if you feel like its worth the risk to try again this fall. Go for it. Ireland is a long way off but Florida isn't, just in case you can't wait. She will be back before school starts, and you are going that way any way.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

dreindl · Jun 12, 2011, 07:59 AM

She leaves for Ireland today and I had about an hour long phone conversation with her last night. At first we just talked about the trip she was going on and what was going on in our lives and once we ran out of silly stuff to talk about I just decided it was time to end the conversation. I tried and then she asked me how I felt about everything and I told her what I have learned about myself and said I wanted to apologize for how I handled the last few months of our relationship. I told her how could I expect her to love me if I didn't listen to her, didn't commit to her and didn't get intimate with her in the right ways. I didn't fulfill the needs that she had and I said those things were the biggest mistake of my life and that if I could take it back I would. She choked up quite a bit and told me not to be so hard on myself and that its not my fault. I told her that I know that what we had was real love and that I know right now we are changing so much and that it is still a possibility that we end up together in the future or we might not but I said no matter what I will always love you more than a friend whether that be a lover or like a family member because that's how close I feel to you. This was the end of the conversation do you think I have a chance?

The other thing that she said is that what I said really meant a lot to her and that she really cares about me and she said all this while she was tearing up I could hear her cry a little bit. The ball is in her court now and I think she is going to think a lot about what I said while in ireland