[kleenex123]

What do I do now? I don't know what to reply... telling him what I feel will only further agitate him I reckon. I just can't help crying. I want to reply him but I don't know what to. And if I ignore him, would he feel like ending this relationship? No doubt that I've hurt him but it really weren't intentionally and I did not did not cheat on him. What can I do now? Or say now? BK201... ;(((((((

Thanks so much for being here ;(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

[kleenex123]

I don't know either BK201... ;(((((((
I don't know what can I do now...

Should I just ignore him or explain? But explaining would only make him get angrier...

[Jake2008]

You have to really assess your OWN behaviour, and take responsibility for what you do, and stick up for yourself when you haven't done anything wrong.

If you're old enough to go clubbing, and have sex, you are old enough to make your own decisions; wear what you want, go where you want to with whatever friends you want to. You call your own shots, not anybody else.

Because of the distance between you and your boyfriend, I can understand his asking about the picture of you and the two guys. But, after you have explained yourself, if he isn't trusting you to tell the truth about it, I would not discuss it any further. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you have nothing.

I don't know why you would do something, and then say you regret it.If you choose to make yourself available to your boyfriend for sex, you can't turn around and reverse the clock and change that decision. To somehow turn sex with your boyfriend into marriage because he was your first, is pretty extreme thinking. It is also extreme and unrealistic to think that you can never have another boyfriend if you dump the current one.

You do not have to stay with someone for all the wrong reasons. Judge the relationship as a whole, it is not only about the sex. The relationship is also not about you convincing anyone that you are a 'good girl', or that nothing happened such as in the picture with the two guys holding you up. That is nonsense for your boyfriend to judge you, as well as him to judge you on how much cleavage you show (which is not the fault of your mother by the way, it is your choice what to wear).

My advice to you is to control your drinking behaviour and not kid yourself that there won't be another time. Think about not being tied to the hip with your boyfriend forever simply because you had sex with him. And assess how much, or how little, you will accept anybody deciding what is right for you, not right for you, and why you feel the need to justify everything you do.

You don't have to accept control from anybody; the only control you need, is over your own decisions and actions.

[J_9]

Moderator's Note: Threads merged

Please do not use the silly comments feature. Scroll down to the Answer box

Also, please understand that this is not a chat room. We are all volunteers here, you will get responses as people come online.

[kleenex123]

I don't regret making love with him. I just regretted going clubbing..
That was the first time I've consumed alcohol and the first time that I've gone to a club..
I made love with him because we consider ourselves mentally married. It is against the bible to have premarital sex, we do understand that, that's why we've waited until we were both mentally married to each other. Although this may sound unrealistic but it is what we think..

And I'll feel that I'm being "contaminated" if I made love with him, and go up to another guy. I can't do this.

I don't know whether I should ask him for a break off our relationship or continue reasoning with him. He says that our minds always work on different frequencies because we're both stubborn.

I feel so helpless now.

And I feel that I've really hurt him so much. Though not intentionally.

[kleenex123]

I didn't reply and he sent these...

Baby?
Baby dear?
Don't remain silent please? Talk to me..
If you're angry at me, for the things I've said wrongly.. let me know then? Don't just keep quiet and brood about it on your own.. that's what I'm here for baby..

What do I do now? :S ignore or reply... I feel like a sinner. Although I didn't intentionally hurt him, I did. Killed someone accidentally, I won't be charged for murder, but man slaughter...

[kleenex123]

Him>baby dear
Are you there?
Baobei, talk to me please?
Don't just ignore me like you always do.. recently..

Me>
I don't want to ignore you too. But I'm just very afraid that if I've replied. It'd make you unhappy & think that I'm being defensive and want to end this relationship.

Him>
You don't feel like talking huh?
If you don't, then its OK dear.. I can always wait..

Me>
I'm just so worried that I'll lose you. So ****ing worried. So worried that I can't even control myself. I don't know what can I do. I don't know what will make you happy.
Every time I ignore you, I just keep crying and do nothing else.

Him> I feel terrible for being disturbed almost everyday.. its not fair for you as well. I'm sure you were a happier girl before I entered your life baby

Me>and I don't want to let you know that I'm crying.
Because I don't want you to be worried about my health & blame yourself for that.
That's why I choose to not reply.

Him> its not like I want to be disturbed as well.. but it just comes subconsciously. Anytime when I hear someone say something related to that tabooed topic, I'd get disturbed already.. that's how simple it is..
I'm like a land mine. Anyone steps on the topic I'm sensitive about, there we go..

Cheer up baby..

Me>
You're everything I need, everything I want. I can't afford to lose you. But I know that my existence in your life isn't making you happy.
I just don't want to face the truth. What's best for you, is to live a life on your own, or with any other girls who have no records which'd make you feel disturbed and stressed out all the time.
I don't know why but I've been having this feeling that you're the one for me. Otherwise God wouldn't have allowed all these wonderful things to happen between us.

Him>
Maybe we've gone against God's principles, that's why He has decided to punish us this way..
I don't know either dear
I don't know what's the best for me too

[BK201]

Reply kleenex123, but don't put the blame on yourself. Whether it was a mistake or not, you have agreed that you won't do things which he doesn't like. So, he has to let go of the past.
Reply him asking what does he wants you to do. It is either this or that, you cannot erase the past like a record note, but you can forget it. He has to decide, what he wants if he wants to dwell in his past let him dwell, but there is no use. Let him know that. If he is not ready to move on, tell him you would have to stop talking to him. After that, if he is sending you anything else in message, ignore it. No matter what. Please do not put the blame on yourself. No. No.
Sorry for the late reply

Don't put weak side to him now. Be strong. You need to be strong.

[J_9]

PLeASE SToP USiNG THE sTUPID cOMMENTS fEATURE!!! Or this thread WILL be closed

[kleenex123]

Thanks guys, for spending time reading my story and actually putting in efforts to reply & give me advices.
You guys were right. He kept banging on the point saying that I've ruined his trust, in fact, I did not. There weren't any trust to start with.
We've sorted things out. I've told him the truth, that I feel that he was never ever able to trust me since the start.
And I've explained to him my family's upbringing was that we're educated to be really particular about physical contacts since we're Christians.
He was the first person I've had physical contacts with.
I could stand in a crowd of sluts and watch them make out with random guys/their boyfriends and I wouldn't join them.
Because I find it filthy to have physical contact with anyone besides the person whom you're prepared to spend your whole life with.
After tonight's conversation, he finally realized that he hasn't trusted me since the start.
Anyway, I can't blame him. Because he was brought up in a school which claims to be more "westernized", and the students there do boobs-groping & lap-dances everyday.
He feels that all girls are stereotyped to be like that. Besides, his first impression of me was from my so-called best friend, who was materialistic and wanted to have him as her boyfriend because his family is very well-off.
She insulted me and badmouthed me and made up stories which made me sound like a girl, desperate for guys.
Guess all these had not stop us from getting together. It just triggered the trust issue. Regardless, we're getting it right back on track now.
I've told him that if he can't trust me & my personalities, then maybe he should reconsider about our plans of getting our engagement ring.
He said that he'll work on the trust issue. And I've told him to have a flash back about every single expression of mine when he took away my first kiss and what not,
saying that he'll never ever find those reactions on me if it wasn't me first. He understood and he felt extremely guilty.
He asked me to dump him, thinking that he doesn't deserve me.
But I've told him that this realization isn't too late yet. So yeah, things are finally fine now.
After a year of awful torments.

Thanks guys. Appreciated every single comment up there. Especially to BK201! You're one nice person.
Thanks, so much.

[BK201]

Very nice. Welcome Kleenex123. Things are going in the right direction. Give him as much time as he wants, but <b>fix it</b>. Wish you good luck

[talaniman]

After all that torment, all it took was some honest communications, and some standing up for yourself. I hope you keep growing and learning as going along with a bad program is not always the best way. Honesty is brutal and hard to hear, but this fellow better get use to it, because no doubt he will slip again into judgmental, intolerant, and controlling selfish behavior, because of his fears about what he sees what goes on in the real world. To put his own fears on you is pretty unacceptable, and he has much to learn himself on how to treat a partner. Be patient, and teach him what you expect from him, and he will learn.

Allow no one to tell you that what you have done, or want to do is wrong. They should know you are a good person and trust you, and without trust, there can be no relationship. Nor would you want one with someone who didn't trust YOU!

Glad you got some understanding with your guy, FINALLY, and if you and BK would use the site properly, you would be in like Flint!

Good luck.

[BK201]

Haha.. my bad talaniman, getting used to this site slowly. Thanks

[kleenex123]

Threads merged



He used to have a lot of girl friends before getting together with me, and after getting together with me, he started giving them cold treatments on Facebook and stuffs like that. We're in a LDR and I think he does text those girls at times. I'm a very jealous person but I've brought myself to be understanding that those are just his girl friends. So I always act like I'm generous and don't mind him interacting with them through texts.

However he gets disturbed by this fact and wants me to question him a lot. I guess he is just insecure. He says that he feels loved whenever I question him. If I convince myself that I shouldn't mind, I wouldn't mind and wouldn't be disturbed. But if I actually start asking questions, I would mind, truckloads because being jealous is my nature. What should I do? I'm just thinking we should both have our friends back. But he would mind if I text with other guys. So, I've never replied any guy friend's text(pure friendship) since we got together. However he does text the girls occasionally and I find it really unfair? I don't really get the picture here either. This is confusing.

[amicon]

What happened to ''clear lines of communication''-ref your previous post?

First h e questions your past,now you're supposed to question his?

I think the picture here is two insecure people who don't

Communicate and don't listen to each other.

Red flags!

[BK201]

Im telling you why he is behaving like this just because you want this thing to work out. He thinks only about himself, and does not care to think what is going through in your mind. Later this will turn into male chauvinism. If you want to be with him, you will have to sacrifice all your happiness one by one, like your friends, your dressing sense, even your work profile and what not. It is up to you, all I can say is, you are young and you still have a lot and lots to experience in life. If you have an elder sister or a cousin talk to them about this, they will tell you more clearly. 17 is an age to enjoy and be happy.
Think Kleenex.

[talaniman]

You sure take a lot of weird crap off this guy without questioning him on it. WHY??

And there is no need to start a different question about the same guy/relationship.

[JudyKayTee]

I am also at a loss. I see two people in a very disfunctional relationship with no benefits that I can see. Both are insecure. Nothing breeds insecurity like dating insecurity.

And what happened to the new open lines of communication?