[dawthwolves]

Hi Everyone;

I REALLY hope to get some responses to help me with this, and I respect all that reply... ty

My girlfriend and I are very much in love, at least I hope we both are. I am a guy that is very family orientated, and care very much about my partners feelings, and happiness.

My girlfriend says that she is the same , and I have to say that she is very attentive, and affecionate towards me. But here is my problem.

We met back in August on a dating site, which I might say I never thought I would meet whom I consider to bo the love of my life on one of those. Anyway, being that we were both on a dating site for quite a legnth of time we have made friends along the way. Obviously, most of them of the opposite sex.

When my girlfriend and I started to fall in love I went to my profile header to read the following. " I have found the love of my life here, and I have mmet and made some nice friends along the way, I hope that all of you have the same god blessed luck that I did, and that you find the one you are looking for". I was happy to do this so that the e-mails, flirts etc, would stop. I would have taken it right off but my girlfriend wants to leave her on there, because she says that she has many friends there that she goes to one of the chat rooms to talk too! I had no problem with that, I have visited the room while she was there, and she does indeed have some nice, and polite friends there. However, there are some not so nice guys that show up in the room, and since she is on cam, they ask her to show her T*TS, and how yoummy she looks bla bla bla. She is one to say how much self respect and dignity mean to her. I told her that I don't disrespect her in that way, and that I certainly don't expect anyone else too. She says that this is a few not from the regular group that get out of hand and that she ignores those comments, or had the moderator boot them out of the room. I tried to explain to her that by her sitting there on cam, that it opens the door for these kind of people and comments. My girlfriend is very beautiful, and does not sit on cam un-appropriately dressed or anything but some think that because she is on cam that she is there for other than talking to old friends .

She also has a fair number of men that Instant message her, and call her on her cell phone. And she also has a Myspace account, where she has 63 friends and of course they are all men. I explained to her that I also had a number of woman friends that Instant messaged me, or called me, but when we started to get serious, I made sure that as everyone of them corresponded with me that I told them that I had found someone very special to me and that out of respect for her I couldn't keep corresponding on a regular basis because I didn't think it was appropriate, and hoped that they would understand that.

This seems to be a problem for her to do though. In fact she had this one guy from Texas which I think she actually went to visit before we met, and she is in regular contact with him. She told me again that he is just a friend and that was all. She said a while back that she had talked to him and that he had found a girlfriend. In the meantime he continued to call my girlfriend. I asked her if she knew his girlfriend, and she said no! So I then said to her maybe his girlfriend doesn't know that he is calling you. She said didn't know. I said well don't you think you should ask him if she knows or is he sneaking to call you. Because, if that is what he is doing isn't that kind of sneaking around behind your partners back in a way. She said she would ask?

She is very adimate about keeping in touch with all these friends, and that I am trying to be controlling, or that I am jealous. I told her that when you are in a relationship that there is a line that you both know is the limit of what two people in love should or should not be doing. She is a very intelligent and proffessioanl woman. She does not hang out at bars and is home every night. But like I tell her, I don't put myself in any kind of compromizing position to leave any chance for the wrong doors to open.

Am I being controlling, or overly jealous to want her to limit some of this contact with all these men, or am I justified in wanting her to to be VERY selective and narrow down the list some. She gets very defensive about this subject, and I would REALLY appreciate some feedback... ty

[Wildcat21]

Dude - quite frankly - I'd RUN from this chick - RUN!!

Sounds like she needs ton of attention - not good.

She shouldn't have ANY guys texting her IF she's with you.

I'll say it again - My Space KILLS realtionships.

Dude - this REALLY unhealthy for her - she must have a lot of insecurity problems. It' REALLY, REALLY unhealhty for you.

My advice is to move on - I doubt she picks you over them - she sounds VERY imature. Very.

You are 1000% right in feeling the way you do.

Don't put it me or them... but I'd move on... you'll have these feelings and problems for a long time.

[Suicidal Addiction]

Ok I think that you should just stay to find out you know be alert but be laided back so she doesn't know... most women like to have male friends because they get all the attention and when their around other women their just another girl... so just don't get to hook so just in case she does do something you don't get broken hearted

Lots of love Rian

[talaniman]

If you can't handle her life style why are you in a relationship? As Wildcat has said she like the attention, and it may be innocent, and if she will not change for you, then you have a decision to make. How long have you been dating? I doubt no matter how you feel, she will change so you must make up your mind as to what you can handle and what you can't.

[Wildcat21]

I would nover want to gothrough that again. It can kill trust.

[phillysteakandcheese]

It does sound like you are being insecure and controlling. She's not giving you any reason to be worried, and she shouldn't have to give up her friends and social life just because you think too many of her friends are male.

However -

It clearly upsets you. Out of respect for the relationship and your feelings, she should not be "on cam" or taking calls on her cell from guys all over the country.

If she can't do that for you, or at the very least sit down and talk through it with you, you need to re-assess how serious this relationship really is.

[Synnen]

Speaking as one of those women with a lot of guy friends... Do you trust her?

If you trust her, there's not an issue, is there?

If you don't trust her, why are you in a relationship with her?

Seriously... I'd be ticked off at my husband (and DID get mad at him when we were dating) for deciding who my friends can be. If she introduces you to these people, and is okay with you talking to them, or reading what they have to say, then she's probably not hiding anything from you.

If you can't live with the fact that you're the guy that comes FIRST with her, instead of the ONLY guy in her life... then leave. She's not going to change, or if she does, she's going to be miserable. Honestly... I NEVER did anything with my guy friends. They were just that--friends. If you wouldn't be upset about her texting, IMing, calling, emailing, or whatever a FEMALE friend in these situations, you have no right to be upset just because her friend is male.

[aw5756]

Why would you want to be with someone like that? She's an attention seeker and probably very high maintenance. If she's not getting attention from you then guess what? She's getting it from these friends. I'm not going to say she's cheating on you because I can't tell that from her letter, but I can say that if she has myspace, then why would she even need to stay on that dating site. It doesn't matter if you have friends on there. There are other chat rooms available in the world of internet. I am female and I have a lot of male friends. I don't talk to them everyday though. I know that naturally it makes a man insecure when his girlfriend is talking to other guys, even if they are just her friends, but she should respect you enough to listen to what you have to say and know that if it bothers you that much be intelligent enough to stand down and inform these men that she is in a committed relationship and that maybe they should stop talking so much. I'm guessing that they don't know about you either because if they were really her friends they'd care about her well-being enough to know better. Yeah, maybe friends do come first, but these are men that she met right around the same time she met you. Why not search her computer? I bet there's a lot you could pull up!

[s_cianci]

Obviously you and she feel differently about this topic. Personally I agree with your opinion but that's beside the point. The real issue is whether you're willing to tolerate this from her. It's not so much a question of right or wrong but if she won't stop and you are totally uncomfortable with it then you may have to consider the fact that she's not the one for you.