[julietb]

Am 32 years old,married for 6 yrs to my husband who is a lot older than me,30 yrs with makes him 62.I did love my husband,he's a great guy and he loves me dearly but I don't love him anymore.
I met my old boyfriend again 2 months ago and am in love,we both are and am thinking of leaving my husband now.
I want to do things like go out,travel,do things yound people do and I didn't know how much I'veen suck in this rot.One of the reasons am leaving is we have no kids together,I want children and he isn't too keen.I told hi last year I was going to leave him because he is the problem we can't have kids together,he begged me to stay and said we'll try IVF.
My husband has 2 kids from a previous relationship.
Thank you for reading

[JudyKayTee]

It is a mistake to leave one man for another. How about taking a break BETWEEN men to find out who you truly are, what you really want?

Of course, if your "boyfriend" is encouraging you to leave your husband I question his morals. What happens when you marry him and he meets another person - does he encourage her to leave her husband? Or does he leave you?

There are 2 kinds of cheaters - I'm an investigator, by the way. Some learn a bitter lesson and never cheat again. Others become habitual cheaters.

Which category is your boyfriend?

Two kids from a previous "relationship?" Maybe he isn't talking marriage after all.

I find it remarkably shallow of you to leave a man because one or the other of you can't have children. I see no indication in your post, by the way, that HE has the problem and not you.

There's always adoption.

"Karma" would be leaving your husband because you have no children and then finding out YOU can't have children.

[julietb]

Thanks Judykaytee for your response.
My husband is the one with 2 kids and 2 grand kids not my boyfriend.
Am so unhappy in this my marriage,and it's really has nothing to do with my boyfriend,it the feeling of great sadness and depression of been with someone don't love anymore.

[JudyKayTee]

Sorry I misread what you posted.

Then I think you leave the husband, sort of find yourself, maybe end up with the boyfriend or maybe not.

You can't jump from man to man.

[Jake2008]

It is so unfair to your husband, to be fighting an invisible foe. While you have an affair with your ex, he is in the dark, until you can justify your actions enough to actually divorce him.

Saying you desire a baby, is a very poor excuse to justify ending a marriage. Had he been 35 years old with a medical condition that didn't allow for him to father a child, would that also be an excuse to divorce him for another man, or would you find alternatives as had been suggested- adoption for example.

So that excuse eliminated, what's next.

You want to go out, travel, be around other people and do things. Is your husband glued to his recliner, or stuck in a wheelchair with a flat tire? Why is he seen by you as being the cause of not trying harder to do more things together. Why do you feel he has put you in a rut, and in a position to blame this rut, on him. That's not much of an excuse either.

You say he is the cause of your discontent, yet, he is, by your own words, willing and open to even IVF. There goes another excuse.

The bottom line is, you are cheating, and want to justify it. You have to force yourself to believe that you are doing the right thing in finding fault with your marriage to such a degree, that you are justified in doing so.

Truth is, you aren't. At least be honest about it.

[theoneglenn187]

I'm going to offer a young male presepctive if I may, being 21, and having the thought and knowledge that my ex has done the same to me, albeit, unconsciously, building a relationship with a 'friend' and lying about it to my face.I'd like to start by saying you and I both know you're an awful person.You say you love your husband, but the thing is, you actually have no love towards your husband whatsoever, because with any form of love, sexual or friendship, needs a degree of the highest respect. You know you've done something so hurtful and wrong that you have put up a guard, pretending you love him and don't want to hurt him, which is so far wide of the Mark. However harsh it sounds, you're a selfish person, but you're a person all the same. You need to own up to the fact that you've cheat, something you said you'd never do, and you need to come to terms with the fact that you are indeed a person you never thought you'd be. Now nobody can help their feelings, love works in very mysterious way, but you consciously undertook developing a relationship with another gentleman, which is by far worse than the original sin if cheating. You developed a relationship with another person due to an underlying issue, maybe from childhood, or later on in life, but it needs to be addressed. You are scared to hurt the man you claim to love, but you can already see the relationship is over from your side, let the guy, who you clearly have no respect for leave, and never speak to you again, because from a young guy who's been through exactly the same, he is too in love with you to admit what he knows is going on, as your doing it in front of his face. Until you understand the pain he is feeling from your actions, you will never be able to be part of his life, even on a friendship basis, it may take him weeks, but logic will become clear in his head, you built a relationship with someone else as you was to cowidice to break it off with him and be on your own. This is not to say you can't be happy, but you've done the most terrible thing a human being can do to another, which is knowingly break someone's heart. Id say I wish you all the best, but there is bitterness from me towards you, you're a selfish person and I think you need to be told this, you will grow and realise the pain, but these comments so far aren't clearly making out how much of a shallow hurtfull nasty person you have been to a person you love. If I can explain a little more, although I'm sure your hurt enough already, if you'd been out and kissed someone, this is a break of trust that can be repaired, as there will still be respect, but your looking for the answer that would say you can have your comfort and your enjoyment, and your loving relationship too, wrong. You broke someone's heart and a vow of togetherness and respect, this unfixable. You broke one thing that can never be healed, so let it be a lesson to you now, grow from a mistake that should haunt you forever, and never give your husband any hope, because he deserves a clean break and someone that respects him as a human being. On another note, you may try and use the fact that this gentleman, your love interest, was just a friend. Let me be clear to you and everyone, where humans, we know from our subconscious when another person is interested, you broke the only rule a marriage or relationship needs, respect. From respect comes trust. You need to understand that, your feelings will probably be telling you that you never meant to fall in love with this guy, but you did intend to fall in love with this guy. If you had any decency, you'd have simple brushed any advances from him away, and not entertained your thoughts, or you'd have cut ties with your husband, knowing the love had gone, and then you could have lived without a very heavy conscience.

[Jake2008]

Glenn,

Your insight and advice is excellent.