Check out some similar questions!

jackgills56 · Jun 3, 2011, 08:17 AM

Ill try to sum it up. Ive always been a closed off person. I dated this girl for a couple years I only viewed her as a good friend. I cared for her and we did all the stuff normal couples do dates progressive intimacy etc.

After two years we started living together. We had little agruments now and then but never had any huge fights. I know that after a argument I would try to get her to talk about it she never would. She was really shy and unsure of herself when we started dating. After living together for 2 years I fell in love mind you this was never said by either of us. I started not helping with house chores and took her for granted.

I went away for 5 day vacation I asked her to come but she couldn't cause of work. I missed her and tried getting ahold of her my whole trip back ran into some problems and left a few messages out of frustration. I get back and she wants to take a break. I do all the wrong things try to get her to talk it out, pry for awnsers, try to make her stay. I got out of her she isn't happy she cares about me but not as much as I care about her. She doesn't know what she wants or who she is. She's scared to lose me. All her words say one thing but her actions do opposite.

She was so upset she was throwing up on the phone. She has self esteem issues and doubt I want to be there for her to help her figure things out. I drew the line saying I can't wait around you want me or u don't. I always gave her freedom and trust. As she walked out I told her I loved her think maybe she was afraid that I didn't.

I planned on no contact but she wanted me to call. I was messed up called her a couple times a day begging crying and apologizing. She agreed to come back and did I love her and know I went about it all wrong do you think there is any chance, and how can I salvage this I pushed and pushed and made things worse. I would marry her in a heartbeat and losing her scares me to death.

talaniman · Jun 3, 2011, 03:43 PM

Forget the marriage, learn how to talk, listen, and be patient. It may be too late, or maybe you both are to young to know how to communicate with each other, but a calm mind, quiet words, and open ears, and mind may at least give you a chance, if you're both honest, and patient with each other. If not, then it was nice while it lasted.

jackgills56 · Jun 3, 2011, 07:19 PM

Thank you marriage was not in the near future unless she had brought it up, those thoughts were just starting to cross my mind maybe we are to young Ill try to better myself by being kind and listening more if nothing else ill come out a better person.

twansg · Jun 4, 2011, 05:48 AM

Take one day at a time. Whatever it is that she is going through will require your patience, understanding and support (more than anything). Encourage her to explore what it is that is making her unhappy, and to do things that will bring her happiness. Also, just based on my own experience in a relationship, please make sure you keep the lines of communication open so that you are aware of what she is thinking and what might be important at that point. Never make assumptions.

jackgills56 · Jun 20, 2011, 05:51 AM

Well after coming back she's seems distant. There are a few things that have been bothering me, she rarely wore makeup in the past four years, now after our fight she wears it everyday. She recently joined a gym with a single guy from her work and has been going every day for about 1.5 hours after work. Do I. Just stay around and hope nothing happens between them and give her space because to me the more she distances her self the more I'm scared of losing her.

twansg · Jun 20, 2011, 09:40 AM

I went through something very similar. Its amazing how an innocent vacation can set off numerous insecurities in someone else. I would actually suggest that you have an honest conversation with her to ask her where the two of you stand. You need that clarity in order to know if you're going to move forward, or not. What's good about this situation is that she has found something (the gym) that may be making her feel better about herself. Her wearing makeup may be less about her gym buddy and more about how much better she is feeling about herself. Again, I think that a conversation is the best way to go for this situation.

talaniman · Jun 20, 2011, 01:53 PM

Blunt honesty, instead of fear of losing her.

"You have been distant since coming back from vacation, and your changes have me concerned, and worried about us. Especially making me jealous of the time you spend with another guy, at the gym. Can we bridge the distance?. Or is it just me?"