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Fathimah · May 26, 2011, 02:24 PM

I am 21 years old... when I was really young since then I have trouble eating... I never used to eat anything, my mother had to force feed me all the time... then at 12 years old... I started suffering from asthma... it was really bad... I didn't know what was happening, I could not understand why this was happening... It affected whole my life... I had severe cough problem... I would cough all the time continuously... it was really painful... consequently it affected my studies and my social life... I could not study well... everyone laughed at me... I became a recluse and worried all the time... also I suffered from exam phobia... whenever there would be an exam I would have an asthma attack... when I would sit in class I would cough so much... and it would disturb everyone... people were irritated by me... thats why I started hating going to school... I would get severely scared by the mere mention of going to school... I skipped school... I would be absent all the time... when I would go I would cry a lot and feel afraid, I would be tense all the time... whenever something happened that would even slightly tense me I would start coughing uncontrollably... I took many medicine but nothing helped... I was promoted up until my 9th and then in 10th the school dropped me... I just didn't have the courage to do it... then next year I joined another school and I completed my 10th with great difficulty... after 10th (I had topped in my school!)i was so happy and somewhat confident that I joined an extremely difficult course for my 11th... I should not have done that... the school was so much fun but the teachers there were pathetic... they didn't teach well at all... I could not understand anything sitting in the class... but I was having so much fun with my friends there that I ignored this problem... as a result I failed that year terribly... I was depressed... after that I didn't speak to any of my friends from 11th because I was so ashamed... then I joined a college next year... a new beginning... I was still unwell all the time cough,cold,throat infection,asthma... but somehow I did OK in my first year... then in second year so many things happened... a big bomb dropped on my heart... my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia... it was unnerving,scary,confusing,totally affected our lives... I couldn't think of anything but my mom so obviously my studies were affected... then she became well for sometime... we were so happy... then again that same year she again became ill... we moved house... I couldn't pass my second year that year... so next year I tried my hardest and passed... got into a degree college... and now I am in my second year of degree college... I am doing fairly well now... I don't have problem of coughing all the time,frequent asthma attacks,or colds now... but my mother is still unwell and its affecting our lives a lot I constantly worry about her... also I am ashamed of myself... I don't think I am capable of doing ANYTHING... I am ashamed because I failed so many times... I don't talk about it... I feel ashamed about my age and how I am still studying when people my age are working... I don't like myself at all... even though people tell me I am intelligent... I don't believe them... whenever someone compliments me I don't believe them... I feel ugly... I am fat and I am struggling to loose weight... I feel shy when people look at me I feel they must be thinking how fat and ugly I am... I think like that because I am fat and I have pimples... I crave attention and love... I need people to tell me that I look OK over and over again I still don't fully believe them... I am scared of the future I am scared of failing again.. I am scared of letting people down... I hate it when people think bad about me... if I do something then it has to be perfect.. otherwise I freak out... I don't have much energy in me... I don't like eating home food... I am fat because I eat after a long time... I am haunted by my past... I feel scared that someone would recognize me as that stupid,weird,and failure girl... I feel like everyone should like me... I cannot deal with criticism and people not liking me in the slightest... I feel that no person can love me or care for me... I feel unimportant... Please help... I am sorry that the letter is so long... but I had to tell it all to someone.

Wondergirl · May 26, 2011, 02:29 PM

Well, you certainly are a good writer. A few paragraph breaks would have helped, but you definitely know how to express yourself quite nicely.

I'm guessing you are very smart, but these physical and some emotional problems are holding you back. It sounds like the physical have created the emotional.

Have you been to a therapist or counselor -- someone you can talk with to relieve your mind about things, plus someone who will help you set goals for the future?

Fathimah · May 26, 2011, 06:07 PM

Thank you for your kind words... I am considering seeing a counselor.

Wondergirl · May 26, 2011, 06:40 PM

Please post here to let us know what you have decided to do, if you found a counselor, and how things are going. I'll be waiting to hear.

Fathimah · May 27, 2011, 04:43 PM

Can you please tell me what's wrong with me?. what is the right way to think about what I have been through... it will take time for me to reach a counselor.. so please help now.

Wondergirl · May 27, 2011, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Fathimah

Can you please tell me whats wrong with me?....what is the right way to think about what i have been through...it will take time for me to reach a counselor..so please help now.

It is not fair to you for any of us to try to diagnose you online, via the Internet.

Why will it take time to reach a counselor?

Wondergirl · May 27, 2011, 04:57 PM

Until you find a counselor, I want you to do one task. I want you to get a small notebook and, each night before you go to bed, put down the date and then write down one good thing that happened to you during the day. Then I want you to write down one good thing YOU did during the day.