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jn909 · May 26, 2011, 08:27 AM

MOVED FROM OLD THREAD

No one is actually helping this poor woman, just bickering about age (in 19 just in case you need to know).

I am having the same problem, my boyfriend used to initiate sex at the beginning of our relationship (over a year ago) but for a while it has been just me initiating. He rarely turns me down, but I feel so unwanted. I talked to him about it a while ago, staight out. He said "duely noted" and initiated sex that evening, never again though. I even tried not initiating sex for a few days to see if he would. The odd thing is he likes being 'dom' in bed (not all the time but it is his fantasy) yet won't initiate. I like being 'sub', so I don't really like to initiate...

Any tips?

Or do you just think he doesn't really fancy me any more?

Synnen · May 26, 2011, 08:38 AM

What else is different in your relationship?

Stress? Work? School? Have you moved in together?

Generally, symptoms in the bedroom are actually the result of problems elsewhere... so what else is going on with the 2 of you?

jn909 · May 26, 2011, 09:02 AM

Well, we do live together, but we sort of always have. We met in student halls last year and now live in a house together. Nothing else is really different. I suffer with anxiety problems, but always have and am actually doing better with that. We have exams at the moment, but this has been going on for about 6 months.

We are really loving, and I feel like he loves me, just don't really feel like he fancies me.

Any ideas? Or am I just being selfish?

Thanks x

Synnen · May 26, 2011, 09:10 AM

Moving in together generally takes a lot of the spark away.

You now share chores and bills and such--and your time spent together isn't as romantic or thrilling as it used to be, out of necessity. Your house still needs cleaning, after all.

I think this relationship moved VERY fast. I also think that after a year, you're settling into your natural bio-rhythms, rather than the artificial ones that the fires of first dating bring out in us.

Sit down, have a serious talk with him, and let him know that he MUST initiate sex at least part of the time in order for you to enjoy your sex life as much.

If he won't (or can't) change that, then you need to accept that you will nearly always be the initiator in your relationship.

jn909 · May 26, 2011, 09:15 AM

I think you have a point, our relationship has moved quickly.

I will give this a go and see what happens.

Thanks for your advice.

Take care xx