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Zurich2 · May 25, 2011, 05:44 PM

My mother was diagnosed with glioblastoma March 2010 and had outlived the odds - 15 months almost to the day. Since Sunday she has been on crisis care with hospice. They are providing her morphine and they have stopped her decadron and keppra. She has not had anything to eat or drink since Sunday. She currently does not open her eyes and is what they call in a deep sleep. I live on the west coast and my mother lives on the east coast. During the last year I have spent a great deal of time visiting with her and doing as many things as possible that she liked and could do from shopping, lunching, dining, a trip to Captiva Island with my sister and her family. I have no regrets about our time spent together this last year. I have watched this cancer take over my mother's life. I saw her a few weeks ago and said my final goodbye to her as I had done over 10 times last year every time I left her to say good night before travelling the next day as I was just never sure when her life would end. It is indeed her final hours or days and I am feeling guilty about not travelling back east but I am told there would be no point from my family members and I do have a husband and 2 dogs and 2 puppies along with a full time job as I am the breadwinner in my family. We will be celebrating her life this summer with immediate family as she always wanted. I can honestly say I am able to travel but at this point not sure if I would make it in time or if it she would even know that I am there with her. My sister thinks I should just remember the good times as I don't need to see her to remember her this way - to just remember the mother that we all know and love. I know I need to make the decision myself and told myself I would not be going when I we were heading down the crisis care path with hospice, my conscience and others ask if I will be leaving to say goodbye. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

ballengerb1 · May 25, 2011, 06:13 PM

This is a very difficult decision because of the stresses you are under. Mom will not likely even know if you were there or not and your presence will not alter what is happening with her. If you can afford it, leave now and plan to stay a week. From what you have said I am afraid mom is not going to be able to last much longer. I have faced this 3x and it will be very difficult no matter which way you turn. My heart goes out to you and I hope you cling to those great memories.

Zurich2 · May 25, 2011, 06:37 PM

Thank you for your input it is greatly appreciated as I know there is no right or wrong answer.

Alty · May 25, 2011, 07:29 PM

My fear is that this is obviously bothering you. The question is, if you choose to stay home, will you be okay with that decision? Based on your post, I have a feeling that sooner or later you'll regret it.

I do agree that there's no reason for you to go. She won't know you're there, and you said your goodbyes and I love yous. My concern is not for her at this point, but for you.

Once she's gone you can never go back and change your mind. What decision can you live with forever? What decision will offer the least regret on your part?

JudyKayTee · May 26, 2011, 08:08 AM

You have to do what you can live with.

My story is - my late husband was in a very deep coma for approximately 3-1/2 weeks before he died. I was told he was totally unresponsive, with brain damage. On two occasions he opened his eyes, recognized me and spoke to me. Nurses came running, astonished! He was very heavily medicated and they couldn't believe that he spoke to me, coherently. Did he recognize me and know I was there? Yes, he did. In my case, I'm very glad that I spent from morning to late at night at the hospital. Until the moment he was pronounced dead I did not allow anyone to discuss his medical condition in his room because he had been very sick and (presumably) in a coma before, woke up and could quote conversations.

At the very end, no he did not know me or communicate with me.

One of his children came to town, broke down, did not come back and told her sister not to come to see him. That was their decision and they have no regrets. They remember their father as he was throughout his life, not at the end.

It all depends on your level of comfort.