[phoedawnbarn]

Help.. I have a situation that I have no clue what to do. I was looking on craiglist Sunday night and came across a posting bashing another posting in the baby section about how can you put that your trying to find an adoptive family for your unborn twins. Well I found the orignal posting and emailed the girl and said look... don't pay them no never mind. And on about how I was adopted and how I just adopted privately my friends newborn (now is 11 months). Well she emailed me back and we conversated that night through email. Basically here is her situation:
She is 22 and has a 2 and 3yr with her boyfreind. Was 35.4 weeks pregnant as of last night. Both are wanting to give the twin girls up for adoption. They live in Texas. Well they went thro and adgency and found a couple in ks. The couple wanted them to come up to ks and have the babies her. So they went, and the family ended up being everything they didn't want and hated them so they moved in with a recently met friend and now needed to find a new family. Well they went to an adgency here in ks and there were only a very few families that would take twins and biracial babies. Which they are both. They browesd through the profiles and all the people talked about was their money cars and expensive houses. That is not what my new friend wanted.
All in all I would love to adopt girls but I can't aford another (2) adoptions and plus taking care of them financially thou I'm sure I could manage.. maybe not.
Anyway I found her a couple that live in a nice home and have two kids of their own and would LOVE to take this opportuntiy. And I think she would go for them however she's kind of reserved at them cause she just is so sure she wants me to take care of her babies. I would love to if I could. Here's the problem. These are faternal twins and I am interested in taking one and the other going to this other family which is a church family so we are in contact with each other. My mom says you can not split up twins. I have identicle twin brothers however these are faternal twins and I know that its somewhat different but in away its kind of not. They still have that bond.
I'm kind of running out of time to figure out what to do in far as helping her set this up. The twin girls where born last night via c-section and I don't know if ill ever have another chance to have a daughter where as I haven't been able to conceive. But I don't want to be selfish and kind of need opions of people and factual answer from those that also know the medical end of it too.. so if you have something to say let me hear it :-). Its weird cause I know couples that look for yrs and even longer to adopt and some don't ever get the chance to. I have in this last yr had mutiple babies "thrown" in my direction. I feel blessed but then again I can't keep everyone. Thank you all in advance

[Fr_Chuck]

Twins are often split up in adoptions, nothing uncommon about it at all.

Next sorry but bi-racial babies ( esp infants in good health have no trouble being adopted)

[phodawbar]

I thought the as I was one. And as I found a family for her in less than an hr. I'm thinkn she was just uncomfortable with the agency options

[Synnen]

She should have found another agency, then, or explained what she was looking for more clearly.

A better option is to go through a non-profit agency like Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services.

And sorry--but I don't buy that bi-racial twins are hard to adopt. ESPECIALLY infants. It's VERY hard to adopt an infant domestically--there are just not that many placed for adoption. I also know several people that would LOVE to adopt twins, but it's almost never an option.

I'm wondering if she's telling you the full story, or if you're telling us the full story.

[phodawbar]

I know I probably don't know the full story cause this just came into my life Sunday night.
I'm going up today to see and meet every one involved. The prospect adoptive family gave up thinking this was a scam. I can't see how it's a scam she hasn't asked for anything... nothing! And I agree I wouldn't think it would be too hard to find adoptive families for biracail twins. I just think she wants to make the choose with the perfect couple in her mind. I woudnt mind taking one (orignal question) but spliting them up seems frowned upon.
As of the comment of I might be not telling the whole story. I don't have a single reason to omit anything. I can't take two girls . I just finished the adoption on a newborn so what would be the point or reason to omit important facts when I'm needing information and opions. I'm just about to drop contact with this lady and just pray for the best. But it would hurt my heart to do so.

[phodawbar]

I'm thinking that her main focus is finding someone like her and not the financial aspect which is very important

[Synnen]

I'm not trying to accuse you of anything. We get a lot of people that come here and ask questions and don't think that a part of their story is important, so they omit it without realizing that it IS important. It's not deliberately misleading--just that what we need to know to help is different from what the person giving information thinks we need.

In any case, twins can be separated. Many times, the birthparents do not want them split, and that does bear weight on whether they're split.

And the reason adoptive parents list their assets is because their financial stability IS important.

And contrary to belief, birthparents can and do scam adoptive parents (though it does happen the other way around often enough, as well). The adoptive parents pay all medical bills, all costs related to the pregnancy, birth, and the legal process in an adoption. So... birthmothers get adoptive parents to support them through the pregnancy, then change their mind about either choosing them as the parents, or about choosing adoption at all. And the adoptive parents can't go after the birthmother for recompensation for all of the bills they've already paid for her!

I think this friend of yours needs to get some counseling from a licensed therapist about her choice, and she needs to be directed to a non-profit agency to help her find parents for her daughters.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, adoption scams while not as popular as dating scams, but often take in much bigger money, since often it is done off the books, so there is some level of illegal to it, so the adoptive parents fee trapped and often it is not till after they bond with the child that all of a sudden money is a issue, to the babies father, to pay some bill or more.

[phodawbar]

See and thsts what I was wondering however. All they said they want is to go back home. Both parents are here and ready to sigh legal papers. If paper are signed and noterized everything is in the agreement there isn't much the birth parents can do correct? I just don't know y she is so stuck on me taking the girls knowing I don't have that much money and live paycheck to paycheck other than the fact that she 'relates' to me... I would think if scaming she wouod have gone directly with the ones braggng. About the expensi,ve cars and houses they have

[Synnen]

"Signed and Notarized"?

Um... what about the court hearing? What about adoption proceedings THROUGH THE COURT?

Signed and notarized doesn't mean CRAP in the adoption world. It's worth NOTHING.

The adoptive parent files PAPERWORK, through the COURT---and the birthparents relinquish their rights IN A COURTROOM, in front of a JUDGE, in order for adoption proceedings to happen.

I don't know what's up with this couple, but they are NOT doing things correctly or legally, and that sounds like a scam to me.

[phodawbar]

Actually I just got done with one. Techically they will have to sign and have noterized copy that they reliquish custody so that custody is garnted to the adoptive couple to where they can make health decisions for the dependent. In the mean time papers are filed and court hearing etc. in private adoptions u don't just hand over the depenants and say see you at court. They need to have noterized documents that state one has custody and then comes gardianship. That's what I don't understand, they haven't asked for anything.

[Synnen]

Will they be coming back to the state for the court hearing to relinquish their parental rights, then?

If not, they can just come back and take those kids any time they like.

This whole thing sounds pretty hinky to me, honestly.

What are the lawyers saying?

[phodawbar]

No lawyers involved yet until final decision is decided. If they say 'yes' these are who we want then lawyrr called. It does sound 'funny' and I'm thinkn of just forgeting about it all I just don't want to make a mistake.. or get anyone scammed

[Synnen]

Any adoptive parent considering a private adoption should probably have a lawyer on retainer. The adoptive parents generally pay for the attorney for the birth parents and the guardian ad litem for each child, as well.

I think you might want to direct this couple to a non-profit agency, because they do not seem to understand what they should be doing to safeguard themselves and their daughters.

[phodawbar]

I think your right.. thank you

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree, there are warning signs all over the place on this one

[phodawbar]

I did and we are planning on meeting the potional adoptive parents with the birthparents at a non profit adgency... gosh I don't know how I got myself into this lol thanks all!

[Curlyben]

AMHD is NOT an Adoption Agency, as such this thread is CLOSED.