[justwanabhappy]

I was dating this man for 2.5yrs. At about the 2 year mark things started getting rough. The first year of our relationship was close distance, and the last 1.5 was long distance. The first year of the long distance things were still great! There were occasional arguments due to not seeing each other, but he still loved me dearly. His actions showed, the messages, the calls, the calling in the morninging, calling before bed. Everything was so magical. I Love him a lot. But things started to change. He started to be "busy". School, work, friends. It felt like priorities have changed and that I was insteading being number one is much much lower down. He then told me he didn't love me anymore. I was devastated, I don't understand why and what happened? Hurt, upset, confused. He said he'd keep trying to make things work. The trying felt pathetic. We broke up because he didn't want to try anymore. I was devastated. Through the crying and being upset, he'd constantly tired and failed, tried and failed. But I still love him. He loves me a bit. Hes been more affectionate, but not enuff, not even close. I know the right way is to leave. But I really love him. Im keeping my options open,and if I find better I will move on. I am happy when we are together and things are smooth, but its not always like that. He doesn't always love me, and when I feel like its just not enough, or when there isn't I get really upset and depressed. What to do? I keep getting hurt, but I don't want to let go of something special? Am I being stupid?

[Wondergirl]

It's time to let go. You are constantly reopening the wound and allowing it to bleed again. Stop doing that.

Harshness Alert: No, you don't love him. You are being emotionally abusive to him AND to yourself.

Get busy with friends and family and hobbies and reading books and learning to cook interesting meals, and so on. As far as he's concerned, do No Contact. (How-to stickies are posted on the Relationship board.)

[Cat1864]

You need to move on and heal.

Staying in the relationship or trying to hold on to it after it is over will not be healthy for either one of you. It is even worse to plan to stay until something better comes along.

I know it hurts and you still care about him. The pain will go away. You will probably have a special place for him in your heart and memories for the rest of your life because he has been a big part of it. However, those feelings and memories will fade IF you allow it and give yourself the support and tools you need to move forward.

Don't jump from one relationship into another one. End this one. Let the emotional dust settle and find yourself again. Then when you are stronger and able to give a new relationship the attention and care it deserves, start dating again.

Take care of yourself. Good luck.

[justwanabhappy]

I understand I need to let go to heal. And I was going to. It hurt so bad but I was going to let it all go. But then he initiated trying one last time. It's the fact that he did it. Instead of feeling one sided it felt like he wanted to work things out too. I never believed in love until I met him. I never was one to believe in forevers. His hardwork and his strong love broke down my barrier. And now I am left confused, heartbroken, and depressed. We had something special. I can't get myself to believe that it just vanished. I was very happy. And I still feel comforted and at ease when he loves me, or shows that he does. I feel like I'm settling for less than the happiness I deserve. But I honestly do not want to let go. Not yet... I cant... not yet... But I should...
I dono... *cry*

[Just Looking]

Are you settling for less than you deserve because you are afraid you will never find another man you care about? I wonder this because of your statements: I never believed in love until I met him. I never was one to believe in forevers.

You have learned something from this relationship, actually quite a bit. You have learned love does exist. You have learned how a good relationship feels, but you have also learned what it feels like when that relationship has run its course. It sounds like that is where you are now.

You have said a few times that you know what you should do and you know it's time to let go. You are just scared to do it. You have to find confidence in yourself. You will do that by doing what you know is right, and taking what you have learned into the next relationship when you are ready. Being ready is the key. First you need to heal from the pain of this break up, and you need to spend time working toward some personal goals. As Cat says, don't rush into a new relationship. Spend time with your friends and family. Set some new goals. Enjoy your freedom, and find your strength.

[justwanabhappy]

I feel like maybe I am settling because I was once very very very happy, and now when I'm with him, I'm still happy, just not the same. And I feel awful when he doesn't. Hence settling for less than true happiness. But I feel even worse when we are separated separated. Is it really IMPOSSIBLE for things to be good again? Letting go is just not what I want to do. Or what I feel like I can. Would it be that bad for me to be stupid one last time and waited things out?

[Just Looking]

Nothing is impossible, but you two have to be on the same page.

He told you that he didn't love you any more. Has he discussed that any more?

You are in a long distance relationship which would make it much more difficult to work on the problems in your relationship. You won't be able to correct it unless you are both invested in fixing it.

You said:

he'd constantly tried and failed, tried and failed What is going to make this time any different?

He loves me a bit. A bit is not enough, especially when you are long distance and trying to make things work.

I am happy when we are together and things are smooth, but its not always like that. You would be better off finding happiness for yourself, and not relying on someone else to make you happy.

I think this post might help you to think more clearly. It's not exactly your situation in that it's how to get someone back, but it's close as you are trying to get your old relationship back. There are a lot of points that I hope you will consider.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-510410.html

I know it is difficult to walk away from a relationship that was once good, but sometimes you have to do just that.

[amicon]

I think you know that the right thing to do,for your own sake is to move on from this.

It takes two to tango and he's not dancing.

Yes,it hurts and it probably will for some time,but make the choice to get your life back on track and leave this in the past.

[talaniman]

I'm keeping my options open,and if I find better I will move on.

Move on, heal, then you will find better and be ready. Until then, you are fooling yourself, and making things worse, for you both.