[99ritu]

I want to know, will my would be husband find out, I am not a virgin, I had sexual intercourse couple of years back with another guy and only for one time.

[ScottGem]

Its possible. If he does not encounter resistance or see any bleeding, he may assume you weren't a virgin, even if you were.

I suggest you be honest with him.

[99ritu]

I cannot tell him, even after 1 year of intercourse, bleeding wouldn't take place?

[ScottGem]

Bleeding occurs because the hymen is torn. If that already has happened then bleeding will not occur.

My point was that if your virginity is important to your husband, then he may think you weren't if certain signs do not exist, even if you were. If you are not, then bleeding is not likely to occur. If you are not honest then you may find yourself with a quick annulment.

[99ritu]

OMG! He trusts me and that was an accident during party, is there any way out expect confessing him..

[J_9]

There is no other way to lie to him. Tell the truth. You don't want your marriage to begin with deceit.

[99ritu]

Anyway thanks to you all.I hope to have guts to tell him the truth asap.

[Cat1864]

Is he a virgin? Does it matter to you if he is or isn't?

Think it through. He trusts you now because you haven't lied to him (or he hasn't found out about any lies.) If you tell him you are a virgin and he finds out the truth, then he will begin to wonder what else you have not been truthful about in the relationship. Do you want him questioning everything you have ever said or done or wondering about what you will lie about next?

Were you involved with him when the 'accident' occurred? Have you been honest with yourself about what happened?

No one is saying that you have to give him every single detail. Only that you should be honest about the main one-it happened. It doesn't change anything else in the relationship. He is the one you are marrying and everything you do together will be a first for you as a couple.

This may be the first major hurdle that you have to overcome as a couple. If you can't work through this, then it doesn't bode well for other aspects of your impending marriage.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

While I do believe in all Honesty and Truth in marriage, I also believe that what we did and who we sleep with before marriage is no ones business but our own. And that we don't have to confess to the other or tell details.

Has he told you about his sexual past ( if he has one)
And again, at least in the US, many many girls have their hymen torn from other activities and things in their lifes.
Even masturbation with sex toys would do it.

What was it like when you had sex the first time, "pain" was there "bleeding" those are what he will be looking for, but even with women who are virgin, those things do not always happen. So there is no actual real way to tell,

[JudyKayTee]

I am concerned on two counts - intercourse was an "accident" (not a mistake) and she CANNOT tell the boyfriend/fiance. Maybe it's a religious concern, cultural, something else. I think starting a marriage based on a lie when the subject of the lie is very important to one of the parties is a very bad idea.

I agree that the past is the past; however, if that past includes a deal breaker (which may be the case here) I believe it's a mistake to deceive your partner.

[smoothy]

Personally I'd be more upset about a lie that has been repeated over and over... than the truth had it been told up front.

But that's just me and how I think. But as was already pointed out. There is no reliable way to physically determine if every virgin is in fact a virgin. Some yes... but not all for reasons already presented.

[jn909]

You can tear your hymen when through excersize, using tampons etc. So just because you don't bleed during sex, doesn't mean you are not a virgin. So technically he should be able to tell.

However, I think that if you can't tell your husband to be that you aren't a virgin, perhaps you aren't ready to marry him?.

Take care, I hope it all works out for you xx