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helpedorhelper · May 14, 2011, 04:12 AM

OK so I have a friend that I like. She like me too but she already has boyfriend. Well he has been caught twice. My friend is deciding whether she should break up with him or not. She said that she would talk to him but she doesn't know what to say.what should I suggest to her.

adviceishere · May 14, 2011, 04:26 AM

Honestly? I think you should stay out of it! If you start giving your opinion and advice about it now, it could come back a haunt you. Just be her friend and listen to her problems, that's the best you can do.

J_9 · May 14, 2011, 06:00 AM

Stay out of it. It's none of your beeswax!

Homegirl 50 · May 14, 2011, 08:09 AM

You don't suggest anything. In fact you leave her alone as long as she has a boyfriend.

helpedorhelper · May 14, 2011, 06:28 PM

She asked me it so shut up

helpedorhelper · May 14, 2011, 06:28 PM

She asked me for it

helpedorhelper · May 14, 2011, 06:29 PM

She already asked me it

helpedorhelper · May 14, 2011, 06:29 PM

People give me advice because she asked me for help

Homegirl 50 · May 14, 2011, 06:39 PM

You tell her you can't help her, that this is something she must do on her own should do on her own. If her boy friend has been caught twice and she does not know how to leave him, then she really does not want to.
You like her and can't be impartial. You ought to leave her alone until she does.

You asked for advice, we gave it. No need to be rude young man.

Cat1864 · May 14, 2011, 07:06 PM

Please review the rules on using the rating system: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html

You won't get any help if you keep giving negative marks to those who are expressing their honest opinions.

Is this the same girl: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...ut-537002.html

Something that you learn as you get older is that being friend sometimes means only listening to what the other person says even when they ask for help.

She has to make her own decisions about the relationship and her boyfriend. It is a part of growing up.

Just because she is asking for advice, does not mean she is prepared to receive it. Look at how you asked for opinions and advice from us and struck out when you didn't get the response you wanted. Trying to give her advice will probably have the same affect, but could damage your friendship.

Give her an ear and a shoulder and let her work through the problem on her own.

Homegirl 50 · May 14, 2011, 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by helpedorhelper

she asked me it so shut up

You really need to learn some manners. These people are giving advice based on experience. You'd do well not to be rude simply because you are not getting the answers you want.
Rudeness is not attractive or mature.

J_9 · May 14, 2011, 09:23 PM

she asked me it so shut up

How old are you? 5? You really need to learn some respect.

Enigma1999 · May 14, 2011, 10:40 PM

She's an adult, let her figure it out for herself.

You COULD give her advice, but it doesn't mean that she will even listen.

It's best to just let her deal with it.

amicon · May 15, 2011, 04:44 AM

Originally Posted by adviceishere

honestly? i think you should stay out of it! if you start giving your opinion and advice about it now, it could come back a haunt you. just be her friend and listen to her problems, thats the best you can do.

How can you find this unhelpful??

People here give advice and their opinions,and you,as a member of this board should read the rules for rating a reply.

adviceishere · May 15, 2011, 04:54 AM

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

She's an adult, let her figure it out for herself.

You COULD give her advice, but it doesn't mean that she will even listen.

It's best to just let her deal with it.

He's 12 and she's 11! LOL
Well if it's the same girl he has asked about in previous posts.

Cat1864 · May 15, 2011, 05:29 AM

Originally Posted by adviceishere

he's 12 and she's 11! LOL
well if its the same girl he has asked about in previous posts.

Close, you reversed their ages. He may be twelve by now.

helpedorhelper, you're at an age where you are learning about life, love, and everything. Many times the lessons don't go the way we think they should.

It is so easy to want to help a friend by telling him/her what to do, but then all the friend learns is that someone else will solve the problem for him/her. The lesson of how to work through the issues is lost.

It is harder to listen and do nothing but offer a tissue. However, by listening you are allowing her to give herself advice that she might actually listen to and accept.

Alty · May 15, 2011, 05:43 PM

First, watch your mouth, check your manners, respect your elders, and follow the rules you agreed to when you joined this site. :(

You asked for opinion, and you got it. You wanted advice, and you got great advice. If you're really as mature as you think you are, then act maturely and listen to the advice you asked for. You don't have to follow it, but you do have to show some respect for the people that took time out of their lives to help you.

I'm going to reiterate (look it up) what everyone else said. Listen to her, but don't offer any advice. It's never a good idea to stick your nose in someone else's business.

smoothy · May 15, 2011, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by adviceishere

he's 12 and she's 11! LOL
well if its the same girl he has asked about in previous posts.

Damn... that means they know everything there is to know about everything... including their massive accumulation of experience and knowledge with relationships they accumulated in those 11 or 12 years alive. Listening to how cocky they have been in this thread... its clear they actually believe they have all the answers. And all they want is reaffirmation and adulation for their impressive scope of knowledge of all things.

Here's a tip I've learned... just because someone talks to you... doesn't mean they want your advice... or even believes you are qualified to give it, or wants to hear it. Sometimes they just want to talk, and want someone listen to them.

As was said... just keep your opinions to yourself. Particularly until AFTER you actually have some years of REAL experience and some actual REAL relationships to reflect upon.

Giving NO advice is better than giving BAD advice.

Alty · May 15, 2011, 06:27 PM

Actually, I think I've changed my mind. Let the OP give this girl advice. It will fail miserably, and then maybe he'll get a little of the life experience he believes he has.

There's only one way to grow up and actually be mature, and that's to learn from our mistakes.

This would be a big one, and not his last one, but he seems to think he's so much wiser then the adults that have responded to his thread, so let him learn the hard way. :)

smoothy · May 15, 2011, 06:31 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Actually, I think I've changed my mind. Let the OP give this girl advice. It will fail miserably, and then maybe he'll get a little of the life experience he believes he has.

There's only one way to grow up and actually be mature, and that's to learn from our mistakes.

This would be a big one, and not his last one, but he seems to think he's so much wiser then the adults that have responded to his thread, so let him learn the hard way. :)

Yeah... there is no better lesson than stepping into a big steaming pile of crap... AFTER you was warned it was there. And it might take a few world class lessons before they are willing to take some advice from someone who has been there before.

Hopefully they will take that advice. And save themselves from possible embarrassment or alienating a friend.