[BeautifulNYC]

Hi All,

I just found out that my husband has a one month old. He will have to do a paternity test but I'm sure it is his. We've been separated for 2 and 1/2 years and married since 2004. My husband asked for the separation based on financial circumstances. I feel betrayed and embarrassed because all this time we've been communicating and talking about moving back in together. We have a 5 year old son together. During our separation he has not taken care of our son financially. I beard the burden because of his financial circumstances. Mind you my husband makes twice as much as me. The sad truth is he didn't tell me. I hacked into his cell phone and found out. We began going to counseling. The mother of this child is unfit and a madam. Now she has five children and all them are with ACS. She's on public assistance and didn't finish high school. This will possibly mean that I would have to help raise this child. I know the child is an innocent party. But he is a hurtful reminder of husbands' thoughtlessness and selfish ways. I know that he doesn't love this women and it was basically sex. But it doesn't relieve the pain and hurt that I'm feeling. He's promise to come back to church and continue counselilng, but how long will that last. What would you do?

[JudyKayTee]

I think once you lie to me and continue to live the lie you are NOT good husband material. How would you ever trust him again? I don't understand why he doesn't pay any support. Is any of this arrangement by Court Order or Agreement?

If he was sleeping with this particular unfit madam and she got pregnant I would "guess" he wasn't using protection. Let's hope she's healthy because if she's not and you resume a sexual relationship with him you are putting yourself and your son at great risk.

I don't know that you will or won't have to help raise the child. You may pretty much do all the raising yourself if her other children have been taken from her. She may very well have no part in raising this particular child.

You say your husband doesn't pay anything to support your child. How is he going to support the other woman's child? If she's on public assistance he is responsible for some of the medical bills for the child - if not all of them.

I think he has put your financial future and your health (as well as his) at jeopardy.

My other thought is the whole "spying" issue. Why were you hacking into his cell phone? If it's because he lies and you know it I question if there's any future in this relationship. You apparently can't ask him a question and depend on his answer.

The legal issue regarding support also is that if you file before the mother and/or the State your child will receive 17% of his income (with some adjustments). The second person to file will be awarded a smaller percentage. If you are not going to stay in this marriage I would file for support.

[ShineOn]

If your going to have to get back to this guy, I suggest you think through it very well at first. Think long and hard and see what the you will gain from this? As you said, he doesn't support you own child financially, I would imagine that he doesn't bring anything to the table, and to make matters worse, he cheated bringing problems into the marriage, Another baby? I would go check to see if I haven't contracted anything from the last intercourse you had. Sorry to say it, but he is not good for you, financially, emotionally, and health wise. If you are absolutely in love with him, or you find that you are willing to go through it, then I suggest you set some ground rules with him. Let him know very that if he doesn't start to support his child, support you as his wife, and continues to do what he is doing, he has no place with you in your life. Write it out on paper, brainstorm what it is you need from him, sit down with him, let him know how serious you are. Have him sign that. Have him physically subscribe to your rules. Talk to him about why it is he is doing what he did, and let him know its going to change. :) You are a very strong women, but don't let a man bring you down OK! Good luck dear!