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Lost_in_Germany · May 4, 2011, 02:02 AM

My son is 15 and up till now I have never doubted what he has ever told me. Out of my 4 boys he has never been caught in a lie to me. Not saying it never happened, just never caught him. Lately, within the last year or so, he has been caught smoking, and staying out past the time he supposed to be home with out calling. I moved to Germany 2 years ago this June, he lived with my mother since his father really didn't want to be a dad. He ran away from in Janruary and I went to find him and brought him back with me. Things seemed to be going well till now. What should I do. I have talked to him over and over how I do not want him smoking or doing any drugs.

martinizing2 · May 4, 2011, 07:16 AM

14 , 15, 16,. Boys will be looking for things that make them men. At least in the eyes of other teens.

Drinking , smoking, drugs and sex are the actions of choice it seems.

How did you find them and what kind of drugs(s) are they?

This is expected behavior to be realistic.
Also to keep things real , there should be consequences for actions that break rules , laws , or cause damage to others.

I'd confiscate cell phone and gaming devices to start.
Then block all TV channels except Discovery , History , and those obnoxious televangelists.

Then it would be up to him to find a way to convince me to trust him enough to get back his toys and maybe even leave the house for an hour or two.

But it would be at least a week before I refused the first attempt.

If this is the most trouble you have had with him, thank God and pat yourself on the back for being a good parent

hauntinghelper · May 7, 2011, 12:34 PM

Indeed, this is what boys tend to do. Some grow out of it, some don't. If anyone had "the answer" or cure all... they would be rich people. Like the kids you're trying to deal with, the answers are also unique.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2011, 12:46 PM

First don't expect the truth and honestly from him, sorry but he is going to say he just started and he will say he will never do it again, ( wild outside chance he would) Most likely the friends he has now do them and if he continues to hang and stay with the same friends he will just get back into it.

1. home drug tests, yep, do it
2. normal check of his room and so on, to be sure he has not shown disrepect by bringing the drugs into your home, which could cause you more trouble.

Consider counseling for him, he has issues from his father, you moving off and leaving him somewhere and those need to be dealt with.

And why is he "out" late to start with, consider tighter control

hauntinghelper · May 7, 2011, 12:48 PM

Not popular choices... but definitely needed.

JudyKayTee · May 8, 2011, 11:10 AM

I think it's about consequences and admitting some intervention is needed. What did you do when he ran away (other than bring him back "home")? What do you do when he stays out past curfew?

You should set very clear rules and enforce them. If you cannot, get outside intervention. This will be WAY out of control in another year or two.

And if he has drugs in YOUR home and HE is turned in or arrested, expect your property to face the possibility of confiscation.

For the record - I don't believe the "all kids do this" thinking. I grew up with very clear rules. My stepchildren have very clear rules. I knew the consequences. They knew the consequences. My thinking is, "Maybe all kids do ... this. I'm not their mother. I only care what you do."

I also talked and talked about sex, pregnancy and disease. You cannot control what your children do when they are not with you BUT you can provide them with information.

Sorry and with respect to my colleague, but I do not think using drugs at 15 is "expected" behavior.