[mamaof2boys]

My grandma, "Ma", died on 3/31/11. Before I go any further let me say she was so much more than my grandma. She raised me and was my best friend. She was so full of life. 2 days before she and I had gone shopping together as we did so often. There was no warning of her death, no time to prepare. My heart hurts so bad. I find myself multiple times a day picking up the phone to call her. I know its only been a month but I feel like I'm so grieve stricken its affecting my husband and children. I feel like nothing makes me truly happy anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's so draining for me and ny family. But I just can't seem to except it. Any advice would be welcome.

[ballengerb1]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person. The loss of a close loved one takes a very long time, I am still dealing with a loss many years ago. It gets better with time but that is little consolation for you right now. What she was to you, you can be to your children. Your family loves you as much as you loved Ma, take that to heart. Bless you

[Fr_Chuck]

You also need to live and live your life like she would have wanted, Would she had wanted you to neglect your family over this ? What would she want you to do about this

And write her, instead of picking up the phone, write it down in a journal.

[JudyKayTee]

I was widowed. It's not the same as losing someone else in your life (a parent, a grandparent) but I do understand grieving, the process we all go through - and we all grieve in different ways.

Have you found that the shock of it all is wearing off so the loss is hitting you that much harder? My experience was that the first few months were sort of a dress rehearsal and then one day I realized he really wasn't going to come again.

And the grief hit me harder than when he first died.

You have to find a way to be there for your family AND meet your own needs. Maybe it's quiet time, maybe it's the need to close the bathroom door and cry, maybe you need to get out and about. Everyone grieves in a different fashion, on a different timetable.

I didn't believe it and I don't expect you to believe me but it will get better in time. It really will. Some day you will be grateful she was in your life for as long as she was as opposed to simply being sad because she is gone from you. The first time I laughed after my husband died (and for me it was months) was when a neighbor was repeating a funny story about something he did - and I laughed out loud at the memory. I then went home and cried myself to sleep. I put away photos, couldn't look at his face.

Now I can smile and laugh at the good times, look at his photos, remember him.

My husband was sick for a very long time and the end was prolonged and painful - but he told me that I would do him no honor by dying with him, by burying myself with him, by not going on.

I've tried to always remember that. You pay your Grandmother no respect, you don't respect her memory, if your grief paralyzes you.

Some people try group, some try therapy, some ride it out. You have to find what works for you.

You won't believe this either but if you look hard enough and long enough you will see your Grandmother in YOUR children - her legacy to you.

I hope you find peace and I'm so sorry you have suffered this great loss.

[mamaof2boys]

Thank you so much everyone. Yes, that's exactly how I feel. The shock is wearing off and the reality is so hard to face. I even find myself praying for God to bring her back even though I know that won't happen. 2 of my kids have their first baseball games of the season this Saturday. It will be the first time in their lives she has not come to something of theirs, then mothers day of course. I hear the first year of "firsts without" are the hardest. I look at ny youngest and just cry. He is 10 months old and although I can tell him and show him pictures I can never express to him how much she truly loved him. I just appreciate a place like this that I can just talk. My friends don't understand and my family is in as much pain as I am. Again, thank you.

[ballengerb1]

Please don't listen to those who say the "firsts without" are the hardest, it is of no help to you and can actually set you up to the point of dreading them before they even happen. All days of grief and terribly tough at the beginning but they will get better. You never will forget Ma but one day you will look at her picture and smile. That is the final step in grieving. God helped me finally get there.

[mamaof2boys]

That's what I look forward to. Being able to smile when I look at pictures or share stories about her. My children are young and although they have many memories with her I don't ever want them to forget her. So I do talk with them daily about her. It's actually pretty therapeutic for me as well.

[Alty]

Time really does heal. You'll never forget, but one day you'll think of her, and instead of tears, you'll smile because of the memories.

I lost both of my parents to cancer in 2001. They died 6 1/2 months apart. I am an only child, and I was very close to them.

It wasn't easy. Loss never is. I went on because I knew that's what they'd want. Also, I had my son to live for. I wanted his memories of me to be as treasured as my memories of my parents.

My son helped me through it the most. I knew I had to go on for him. I knew that my parents would be so disappointed if I spent my life grieving for them.

It's only been a month. Give yourself time. When my parents died I went to a therapist specializing in the loss of people to cancer. It helped a lot. One thing she urged me to do was to keep a journal, write letters to my parents, tell them the things I would tell them if they were still here. I still keep that journal, even 10 years later.

I also saw my doctor and he put me on anti-depressants. Actually, that happened when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I'm glad that I decided to go on meds, it did help. Don't be afraid of that help. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

You'll never stop missing her. You'll never stop wishing she were still alive, but one day, you will remember her, and all that she meant to you, and you will smile. I promise.

[JudyKayTee]

Thank you so much everyone. Yes, that's exactly how I feel. The shock is wearing off and the reality is so hard to face. I even find myself praying for God to bring her back even though I know that won't happen. 2 of my kids have their first baseball games of the season this Saturday. It will be the first time in their lives she has not come to something of theirs, then mothers day of course. I hear the first year of "firsts without" are the hardest. I look at ny youngest and just cry. He is 10 months old and although I can tell him and show him pictures I can never express to him how much she truly loved him. I just appreciate a place like this that I can just talk. My friends don't understand and my family is in as much pain as i am. Again, thank you.

As long as you talk about someone, share happy memories, that person is still alive in your heart. You can keep her alive in your children's hearts. Of course, her spirit and kindness and love live on in them.

You can express how loving she was by following her footsteps.

As far as the first year being the hardest, that was not my experience. That first year was very, very difficult (all the first anniverseries, first birthday alone, all of that) but it was sort of like a dress rehearsal, very unreal. The second time around (second Christmas alone, second birthday alone) the reality hit me all over again.

But keep in mind that it's different for everyone.

When you feel like sharing, would you tell "us" a little bit about your Grandmother, why she was so special?

As it happens I was also raised by Grandparents for a number of years, and I have wonderful memories of my Grandmother who was a very special person.