[spring2507]

So me and my boyfriend just turned 4 years last month... and I feel like thing have gotten worst the longer we have been together.. I think we are in the stage of tolerance where we are just tolerating each other. He hasn't been affectionate with me he is every once in a while but not as much as I would want him to.I wrote him an email telling him how much I love him and how I see us together in the future to hopefully give him some push and motivate him but still nothing I sat down with him and spoke to him about it and he told me that he just has a lot of problems and to give him time. I told him why would he need time to be affectionate? No matter how many problems I have I never dump it on him. Sometimes I feel like I'm too good for him but I have the old him in mind the one that was so affectionate and loving but the person he is now is completely different. I still do love him and am in love with him and I asked him the same and he said yes that he is in love with me and has a lot of love for me as a person.

I'm just so frustrated because I've been with him for so long and tolerated so many things and this is what I get and everyone around me that are just getting started in relationships or a little bit longer into relationships their boyfriend treat them like queens. I went from feeling like people should want what I have to feeling like I want what other people have. Ive expressed this to my boyfriend but nothing has changed and I don't know how long I'm going to wait around. I tried doing the whole witholding affection so he knows how it feels but that's not me I like being affectionate what's the point of being with someone if I can express my love to them ?I leave for college in August about 3 hrs away so I don't know how that's going to work out.

Last but not least I been feeling really sketchy and confused about the future with this kid and yesterdayi had planned a shopping and movie date with my mom he called me and said he wanted to go to the movies so seeing it as an opportunity that he finally is trying I cancelled the movie with my mom and went with him. He ended up bringing his dad and I was feeling a bit out of place so I was quite he then got upset that I was being quite and seeming antisocial.. I attempted to hold his hand and he shrugged me away then when he left me home I gave him a kiss and a hug and he said he needed his space. Im so pissed off because here I am always taking crap from him and he gets all upset over this.. idk how much more I can handle.When I get upset I care about my feelings and his but he only seems to care about his and he gets really mad over the stupidest things.


So what should I do to give him a wake up call... I was thinking whenever he reached out to then tell him I need space and take about 3 week break from him and think things through and then get back to him and let him know what I will decide. My birthday is also coming up on the 20th.. ugh I don't know why he acts like this I feel like I'm trying so hard to hold on to this relationship and he is just whatever about it.
Reply

[ITstudent2006]

With college coming up and everything you have laid on the table it seems like your best course of action is to let this guy go. Take time for yourself to focus on a new school, making friends, getting your feet wet in the college world.

By the sounds of it you have communicated the issues time and time again and things have not changed. There should only be so much a person has to go through before action is taken.

The biggest thing to remember is that people change. The things that seemed so surreal and passionate 2 years ago might now seem monotonous and boring. The things you once wanted seem silly and out of place. That's the facts of growing up. People date, people breakup, it's up to you to realize this and make decisions when it's time to pacl up and head out or when it's time to stay and work on it. Unfortunately, this sounds like it's time to pack your bags .

If he wants space, give it to him. NC

[confussed_man]

Talk to him about it, and just try and exsplain what's bothering you if that doesn't work, I'd say take a break just say you need some space and spend some time apart.If your with someone for a long time you can forget how good they are. Even the smallest thing can cause you to get annoyed with them over time. If you spend a week or two apart and you love each other he will start treating you like a queen again.
Hope this helps :)

[mystific]

Sometimes I feel like I'm too good for him

Really? Then why are you with him? He obviously doesn't live up to your expectations anymore.. why lower yourself?

All I read is "I, I & I". What you want. What you need. Where he's letting you down. He's told you he's going through his problems but won't talk about them... but then in the same token you don't talk to him with your problems.

Not much of a relationship if neither of you feel the need to discuss the issues you're having to enable the other to be there and support either through what it is you need.

You've tolerated, you've done this, you've done that.. but to be perfectly honest it's all been to what you've wanted or needed. Relationships are a two way street and from what I read, all you do is take to satisfy your own needs.

last but not least I been feeling really sketchy and confused about the future with this kid

If my boyfriend called me 'kid' I'd resent the way they perceived me too.

Maybe you need to look at what you really want in life.. I mean, god forbid your birthday is coming up after all, all so important than saving a 4 year relationship.

[talaniman]

I leave for college in August about 3 hrs away so I don't know how that's going to work out.

Last but not least I been feeling really sketchy and confused about the future with this kid

You both are caught up in the transition of making decisions, and choices for yourselves because things are definitely going to change.

You will be apart, from family, friends, and each other, and everything that you have called a life, and were comfortable with. Few relationships survive because reality is changing you both, because you are going through growing pains.

Of course your future is unclear, so is his, and of course you are frustrated, and so is he. Talk about it HONESTLY, and find out what you both are going to do about it. You may love the guy, but its obvious by your post you are looking for a way out. Maybe he does too!

If so, be straight and honest with the guy who has been with you for 4 years. Break ups suck, but dishonesty sucks more. Everyone gets scared when they are forced out of their comfort zone, and into the unknown.

[mmresd]

I think you should end it. It doesn't sound like you are happy in this relationship... So why waste even more time than what you already have into this? Go single for a while until you start enjoying yourself again, and then go meet someone else who meets your standards and fullfills your needs.

Good luck,
Javi

[Homegirl 50]

End the relationship officially. It sounds as if it has already ended. Neither of you are happy.