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Nadineblue · Apr 22, 2011, 04:01 AM

I am married. I did it for my families. My husband is older than me. Am 22 and he is 40. We always fight. I can't love him. Wt am I going to do?

amicon · Apr 22, 2011, 06:02 AM

Can I ask you where you live please?

mmresd · Apr 22, 2011, 07:24 AM

Divorce him? I believe that if you are unhappy in the situation that you are in, then you should change it.

Good luck.
Javi

talaniman · Apr 22, 2011, 07:49 PM

Does your culture allow divorce? That would be the best option.

Nadineblue · Apr 27, 2011, 10:55 PM

Actually am on the way to devorce him. Did u c our age difference? Is that normal?

Alty · Apr 27, 2011, 11:10 PM

Age isn't a factor, if you're in love, which you're not.

Will your family be accepting of a divorce? Why did they want you to marry him to begin with?

Nadineblue · Apr 30, 2011, 11:36 PM

He is not wiz me now.he live in out of country for two years. He don't want me to live with him. He always said you are not the kind of girl that I want I just married for your families. He just want to live like this. I mean, he may come once in a year. I feel like am alone. So now I start a relationship with someone. I know its wrong but I don't know how that happened. I love the new guy so much. Because he was there when am alone. He was treat me. But he has a girlfreind. He told me that he was in love with me before am married. We have sex. Now I don't know wt to do. I feel guilty.

amicon · May 1, 2011, 12:24 AM

The trouble here is that the man you're seeing has a girlfriend,so he's off limits.

He's also a cheat and possibly a liar.

You don't need that in your life,as it's only going to make matters worse.

Get your divorce,heal from the unhappy marriage and stay single until you're back on your feet and are ready to date again.

Cat1864 · May 1, 2011, 05:55 AM

Nadine, you need to end the relationship with your 'boyfriend'. It is a distraction and only causing you more confusion and pain. Cheating is not a good thing to do.

If this was an arranged marriage, what were the expectations when you married? Were any provisions made for ending the marriage? Have you talked to your family about the marriage? Would they support your divorcing your husband?

talaniman · May 1, 2011, 06:04 AM

I hate to say this, but you are trying to be happy and find love in all the wrong places, and all the wrong ways.

I don't know why you are so desperate to have someone that you will take anything that comes along, but you had better leave men alone, and build a life that you enjoy, and be happy with yourself, so you can stop taking crap off men, just to have one.

You have to stand for something or you will fall for anything, so start standing for yourself, and keep telling yourself that you deserve better, and then do better for yourself. Ask yourself why are you letting everyone do as they will? When will you stop just jumping into things that look good but are not? When will you start being good to yourself??

Nadineblue · May 1, 2011, 07:53 AM

I am honest and loving person. I have a great place for love. I will die for love.I know what am done is very wrong Specially the sex part. I feel like am a slut. I need help to back to normal. Am out of my mind. I can't stop thinking about the new guy. Please help me.

talaniman · May 1, 2011, 08:36 AM

Do you not work, or have friends? Why is your life wrapped up about guys? Can you not love yourself and be good to you?

You can control yourself you know, and not let your lust control you. And there is a big difference between love and lust, and fantasy and reality. Show love for yourself, and not just give it away to those that don't deserve it.

Get busy, and build a life for yourself, that doesn't depend on having a guy. What you want someone to do it for you? You want the easy way out? You have already tried the easy way, now try it another way. A better way, that doesn't leave you feeling like a slut.

1) Leave the guys alone.
2) Get your divorce.
3)get a happy life without a man in it.
4)don't give your body to anyone until they prove that they deserve it.

It's a very simple process.

amicon · May 1, 2011, 08:37 AM

Can you find a therapist to talk to/

Do you work?

Where is your family and friends?

You need to find a focus outside this negative spiral.

Nadineblue · May 1, 2011, 11:18 AM

I understand and I will do wt you say.I don't have work. Am studying engineering. I didn't see terapist. I have friends. I will graguate after 4 month. I will divorce my husband but How can I away from the guy am in love with. I want to live without men but how?

Cat1864 · May 1, 2011, 12:20 PM

Nadine, what you need to do s get involved in things that help you stay away from him. Your classes, volunteer work, hobbies, a part-time job, etc. are all things that can keep you busy mentally and physically. Spend time with your friends and make new ones. Messy hobbies like painting, gardening and cooking can do wonders to keep you from picking up a phone or going to a computer.

Another tool for you to use is No Contact. That means having no contact with him through any means including asking mutual friends about him. Don't call him and don't accept calls from him. Ignore his texts and delete his email. Forget his phone number.

Keep in mind that he is not such a great guy if he is cheating on his girlfriend.

Let go of the guilt and decide not to do anything to add to it.

Good luck.

Nadineblue · May 1, 2011, 09:20 PM

He always said that we will be together. The relationship with his girlfreind will stop after graduation. He promise me that he will never leave me.

Alty · May 1, 2011, 09:42 PM

Originally Posted by Nadineblue

He always said that we will be together. The relationship with his girlfreind will stop after graduation. He promise me that he will never leave me.

I wonder what he's promising his girlfriend. If he loves you so much why is he still with her? Why does he have to wait? Why doesn't he grow a pair and leave her now if he's so in love with you?

I'll tell you why. Because he's not in love with you. He's in love with having a ready, willing women for sex. You're married, so he doesn't have to worry that you'll want more then he's willing to give. He makes promises so you'll keep spreading your legs for him.

He's a cheat, and you're a cheat. You can't build a relationship on lies and deception.

You said you feel like a slut. Well, take back your power, take back your life. Dump the loser that won't even leave his girlfriend to be with you. Divorce the husband that doesn't love you and won't live with you. Finish school, work on your career and making your life better, for you, not someone else.

When you're finally stable enough to stand on your own, that's when you'll be ready for love. Until then you're just a doormat for men to stomp on. I for one wouldn't accept that, especially when there's so much you can do to stop it.

angermanagement · May 1, 2011, 10:17 PM

Nadine if you think that you love this guy and you think he loves you too den see where that relationship takes u. but for now divorce your husband. At de same time be careful because you don't want to get hurt.

Alty · May 1, 2011, 10:35 PM

Originally Posted by angermanagement

nadine if u think dat u love dis guy n u think he loves u too den see where dat relationship takes u. but for now divorce ur husband. at de same time be careful because u dnt wanna get hurt.

Please read the rules of this site. Chat speak is against the rules. Use full words, and the best English you're capable of. Further use of chat speak will reported, and your posts will likely be deleted.

For instance:

u = you
that = that
den = then
your = your
de = the
don't = don't

Thank you.

Nadineblue · May 2, 2011, 04:18 AM

I accept what u said. I need to out from the situation that am in. I need to forget him but we learn the same school the same class also his girlfreind. Tell me exactly what am I going to do.