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loveable · Apr 30, 2011, 02:38 PM

My ex and I have broken up like 6 months ago from a two years relationship but we still used to hang out together during these last 6 months. He constantly used to say that he wanted to leave me. He gave mixed signals. I kept wanting to hang out with him but he said it's over. I have a guy friend and he asked me out, should I go out with him? I don't really feel ready but he's nice and I don't want to end up losing him too. I know if he's a true friend he would understand but I think he will get fed up because I already told him that I am going to go out with him (when things between me and my ex were pretty bad) and ended up going with my ex when I told this guy that I was going to meet him. I am so confused I don't want to hurt or loose him. Any suggestions when I should go out with this guy?

Cat1864 · Apr 30, 2011, 03:11 PM

Go No Contact with the ex. Make a clean and final break. Stop giving yourself false hope that something will work out with him.

Don't go on about it, but be clear to the new friend that you are dating to get to know him. No commitment. No promises (but keep the dates unless something important comes up-the ex isn't important.) Have fun. Do things that allow you to talk but don't put pressure on either of you to 'make it official' or go farther than you are comfortable.

I don't think you are going to 'feel ready' until the ex is fully out of the picture and you spend time remembering how much fun you can have getting to know someone new.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2011, 06:18 PM

Until you leave the ex alone, you probably will never enjoy dating any one. And jumping from one guy to another isn't fun at all. Cut the ex loose, and have fun with others without the pressure of commitments before you are ready.

amicon · May 1, 2011, 12:32 AM

Don't hang out with the ex-go no contact with him,heal from the break up and don't date until you're completely over him.

Jumping into rebound relationships is not clever,nor is it fair on the rebound.

dontknownuthin · May 1, 2011, 02:09 AM

I agree - make a clean break with the ex and stop hanging out with him. He's confusing your emotions too much. And if you like this guy, go on a date with him but as was already suggested, keep it light and casual and let him know, "I'm taking things slow - not looking for an instant relationship but I'd like to know you better." If you have a good time, accept a second date. Just control the pace things go and you'll be fine.

loveable · May 5, 2011, 12:13 PM

Thanks :) that is what I was thinking too as I'm tired trying anyway. Can you give me some suggestions how to tell my parents that I have broken up with him please? I mean I don't know how to tell them and how they would take it and I am afraid

Cat1864 · May 5, 2011, 12:53 PM

You've been broken up for six months and you still haven't told your parents? Yikes.

Short and sweet would be that you and Ex broke up. No need for a rehashing or discussion.

IF you want to say more, be honest with them that it wasn't working out. He kept playing children's games with the relationship and you had enough and walked away.

Good luck.

loveable · May 5, 2011, 02:14 PM

I didn't tell them as I kept hoping that he would come back to the person he used to be in the beginning..

Cat1864 · May 5, 2011, 03:01 PM

I thought that was probably the reason.

Telling them may help you move forward. Making it final in your own mind.

I think they will probably be okay with news. Generally it is the fear of 'coming clean' that is worse than the person's reaction. Good luck.

dontknownuthin · May 5, 2011, 09:16 PM

Keep it simple, "Unfortunately, my relationship with Dave did not work out". They will ask why and there's nothing wrong with telling them the truth in simple terms such as, "well, we were together a long time, he never seemed certain he wanted to be with me, and after a couple of years, I need to know the man I'm with is sure I'm the one, and that the relationship is going somewhere."

I wish · May 6, 2011, 01:02 PM

Until you let go of the past, you can move on to the future.

Tell your parents straight up that you guys tried really hard to make the relationship work, but it just didn't work out like you hoped. Now you're moving on with your ilfe and meeting new people.

loveable · May 6, 2011, 02:52 PM

I think that they will like blame it on me. I don't know why but myself esteem has gone really down because of him. I am going crazy , I can't imagine my life all alone, without him.

Just Looking · May 6, 2011, 04:37 PM

You might feel better after reading this thread about things to do after a break-up.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

From what you wrote in your last post, it doesn't sound like you are ready for a new relationship yet. Spend some time figuring out what you want to do with your time and freedom now. Try to keep it positive. Instead of thinking about being alone, think about the things you can do now that you have more time. Your options are limitless. What do you want to do?

Be sure you are taking care of yourself - eating right, sleeping, staying active. Something as simple as a walk in the fresh air will lift your spirits. Spend time with friends and family. Give your family the chance to show you support instead of assuming they are going to blame you, but at the same time know this is for the best and you will start feeling better about things. You need to deal with this in a positive manner - first by accepting it and then by actively making a better life for yourself. Good luck.

I wish · May 6, 2011, 07:22 PM

If confidence and self-esteem is what you're missing, then that's definitely what you should be working on. Don't worry about guys, don't worry about your parents, worry about yourself first and foremost.