[miszella]

Moved to its own thread


The thing is that my boyfriend and his ex were together for 9 years.. but it didn't work out between them until my boyfriend met me.. and we are 2 years in a relationship... They broke up in a good way saying that they would still be friends and seriously I don't mind at all at the very beginning with them being friends.. now his ex has a boyfriend but as I say both of them are still friends.. what bothers me is that his ex would always be in our life the whole time well maybe not my life but she tries so hard to keep in touch with my boyfriend.. sending him music videos.. she always uses cheap words like please call me there's something urgent.. Im being so patient right now.. but you know everyone has their limit so the I tripped out and texted her to please don't get into our lives as both of us have our partner to take care of.. I don't mind you being friend with him but you don't need to send him emails and try so hard to call him while I'm always with him 24/7.. I talked to my boyfriend and he told me not to respond to his ex because his ex would try hard to make me mad.. the thing is their still friends and I can't do anything about that.. his ex also told me to grow up and accept that nothing can stop them being friends.. hmm I'm actually pissed off right now :(

[talaniman]

Do you trust the guy or not? He told you to ignore her, so why don't you? Why are you not mad at him?

Just asking for some clarity.

[southamerica]

You can't and shouldn't stop them being friends. And you shouldn't be going to her with your frustrations.

What needs to happen is you need to communicate with your partner about your boundaries with his friendships with women. If you don't like him being in 24/7 contact with her, then tell him that you don't like him texting during dinner, interrupting a movie to make a phone call, or answering phone calls when you're already in bed. Those types of boundaries are acceptable and understandable.

That is up to him. What she does, does not matter. If she texts him all day-it's up to him to ask her to back off. It's up to him to not respond or let her texts interfere with your time together. They have a right to be friends, and if it's just friends, then nothing is wrong.

If you have a good reason not to trust him, then you shouldn't be with him in the first place.

I hope you have the boundary conversation with him and that it goes well. Good luck!

[mmresd]

Two options I see here:

1) You can push your boyfriend to make a decision between you or her.

2) You can just control your jealousy and enjoy your time with your boyfriend, and CHOOSE not to let someone from his past bother you, because as stated above, they are just friends.

This insecurities you are having are inside of you and you need to learn how to control them, if not, your boyfriend will eventually get tired of then and leave you, that I can guarantee you. Take a chill pill, sit back, and just have a good time.

Good luck,
Javi

Ps: unless you willing to do something highly illegal you cannot get rid of your boyfriend's ex... However it is his choice whether he wants to or not.