[mb008]

I had a miscarriage in December 2010 and since then my sex life just hasn't been the same. He says he still loves me and finds me attractive but its hard to believe when we don't have sex very often anymore. I have tried lots of different things to keep things ticking over... but most of the time I get the response "i am too tired" or "i am not in the mood" it really really upsets me because we are just a young couple and should be having fun together. I feel so unattractive because of the changes my body went through, something I had no control over, and with him pushing me aside it is causing strain on the relationship as a whole. I love him so much, I am just so worried that we aren't handling things very well.

Please help!

[adviceishere]

Firstly I am very sorry to hear of your loss. How old are you guys? When us women go through such an experience we tend to lean on our men for comfort, we don't think how much it can also effect them. And it does. He sounds like he might be avoiding sex with you because he fears it will happen again, it might have effected him more than you think.

Have you both talked about what happened? Would you consider both going to counseling? He might even feel more at ease if you're using birth control for now, (if you're not using anything) just so the miscarriage isn't lurking in the back of his mind every time you get intimate.

[mb008]

Thank you for your response, it helps to talk about things. We are only 20, which seems so young so please don't judge. We have been together almost 5 years and been living together a year now... the baby wasn't planned but when we found out we were so excitted! We told all of our families and I even stated buying clothes. It has really effected us and yes we have talked about it, I don't get very much out of him but I know he is still hurting. I worry that he didn't have time to grieve because he was looking after me.

We aren't ready to go through it all again so I am going to go back on the pill, so maybe that will make things easier for him, like you said.

[adviceishere]

Hey we are always here if you need to talk, I can tell you I went threw the same thing at 20, I miscarried also, it is very hard. Mine wasn't planned either but when things like this happen it puts you in a totally different mind frame, I never even wanted children. I'm 24 now and 4 months pregnant :) this might not sound very nice but I put it down to a blessing in disguise. I wasn't ready at 20. 4 years can make a huge difference though.

I think you're very wise to go back on birth control. Let the dust settle. In time, you guys can hopefully start a family. I would never judge someone that has went through a miscarry, it doesn't matter what age you are, it hurts all the same. Good luck in the future. :)

[mb008]

Thank you very much... congratulations!! Hope all goes well :)