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needamiracle · Apr 23, 2011, 03:56 PM

I've been dating a girl for almost four months now. She's an amazing person who would drop anything for me. We've barely fought. We hung out a lot for about 2 1/2 months literally everyday. Lately I've noticed the butterflies are gone and it seems like I'm losing interest. I find that I still flirt with her and call her nicknames and ask her to hang out. I'm finally comfortable with a girl for the first time in my life because I've been insecure and screwed over in my past relationships. I want to make things work with her. Yeah other girls are good looking but I don't want to get to know them. It feels like I'm losing interest... n I hate this feeling. Am I really or is this a new phase in the relationship? Am I confusing feelings of comfort or am I really losing interest. I don't think I'd be here asking this stuff if I was over her but I want to know

Wondergirl · Apr 23, 2011, 04:17 PM

You were "in lust," and now you're in a comfort zone. That says you are at a Very Good Place in this relationship -- good communication, things have settled down and you can breathe, and there's trust, loyalty, a sense of fun, and enjoyment of each other.

DoulaLC · Apr 23, 2011, 04:21 PM

I think you have moved into being more comfortable with the relationship. That you have no real interest in getting to know other girls, and that you still flirt with your girlfriend and want to hang out with her says a great deal.

It is normal not to have sparks as frequently as you did when the relationship was new and you were getting to know each other more. The two of you spent most of your time together. You have moved into a new stage where now you get to know each other on a deeper level.

needamiracle · Apr 23, 2011, 04:25 PM

So I'm mixing feelings up?

DoulaLC · Apr 23, 2011, 04:43 PM

Only you will know that... :) Maybe try not to read anything into it.

You like her, you like being with her, you flirt with her, you think she is an amazing person, you get along very well together, you have no interest in dating other girls... it sounds like things are going quite well... enjoy it!

needamiracle · Apr 23, 2011, 05:00 PM

I've also heard relationships take work... what do people mean by that. What do I do to keep it going? I'm new to this

talaniman · Apr 23, 2011, 05:09 PM

Of course the butterflies are gone as you have become comfortable together, so just have a great time getting to know each other better.

Keep it real. I can understand insecurities, and that comes from fear, (of being hurt, alone, or whatever ) but, everything in life is but a risk, so have courage and take the risk to get the reward, because it might not be forever, but great experience for now.

Just be yourself, and be honest, and be the good guy you are.

DoulaLC · Apr 23, 2011, 05:11 PM

They take work because you won't always agree on things. Heck, there may be times you don't always like the other person, or at least the way they are acting!

Sometimes the issues may be of no real importance, more annoyances that get blown out of proportion, other times there can be major differences, that need to be worked out and some sort of an agreement on.

Some people may be more inclined to run from a relationship when things are not always smooth and easy. They may find their way to someone else, thinking the grass will be greener, with less hassle (until they find out that they will still need to deal with weeds in that lawn once in awhile as well), they may retreat into themselves, not discuss it, and want to sweep any problems under the rug... if you ignore it, it might go away.

People go through changes in their lives, have money/job problems, family issues that come up, health concerns, etc. all of which can cause stress for a couple. It can take work to build that foundation that will see them through the trying times, the times that will test their patience and resolve.

Remembering the commitment made, the love shared, the common goals worked towards, and the fun and affection are what get people through the challenges that may come their way.

A sense of humor goes a long way as well... :)

needamiracle · Apr 25, 2011, 01:42 PM

Threads merged

The thrill of the chase? So I wanted to get with a girl so badly. No I have her and those intense feelings are gone. I never chased a girl first but this time I did. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to lose her. I was just wondering is it normal to not feel those intense feelings? She's the first girl to treat me right. And we don't really fight much. But is what I'm feeling normal or am I really losing feelings? I don't hate talking to her. I don't look for excuses not to see her. Am I supposed to have intense feelings or is that not what love is? Opinions please? I always tell myself I'm comfortable for the first time and don't have to worry about her leaving but it seems like a constant fight internally of "u Don't like her anymore vs. Ur in a mature relationships now where its not about emotions" what's going on with me? She's the kind of girl I would want to be with. I don't like this one bit. Just yesterday her and I had a lot of fun and today I'm just blah. I don't care to get to know other girls. Sure the grass is greener but so the heck what?

mmresd · Apr 25, 2011, 02:32 PM

Butterflies are always a temporary feeling. And as you go down further down this road you will notice that it will get a little more boring, is up to you two to find ways in how to keep each other interested. Or lose completely interest. Regardless, just enjoy it while it lasts!

Good luck,
Javi

Godschild13 · Apr 25, 2011, 07:36 PM

When you get with a girl every thing is not going to be like what's on the movies. If she's the girl your looking for then you should try some new things to do with her. Maybe you should talk to her about it. I really hope I helped. Do you mind going to my page and answering one of my questions I'm sort of in a reck to. Its Godgirl13.

joypulv · Apr 26, 2011, 06:44 AM

You have the typical young view of love and relationships, where it's all about excitement. As you get older it normally becomes about comfort, familiarity, knowing each other well, having someone who understands you to come home to after a tough day out in the world. You start saving for a house or a trip or a baby, and life takes another turn. And another, and another.

Try not to worry. If you are too young for settling down, then ease out of it as nicely as you can.

needamiracle · Apr 26, 2011, 07:03 AM

So its normal? Not losing interest?

Godgirl13-yes I can answer n help

Godschild13 · Apr 26, 2011, 12:29 PM

You can't make your partner responsible for your happiness. You should ask yourself why an I not happy. You need to respect the differences between you and your partner you should talk to her about how you feel that may help you a lot. You shouldn't loose hope because you think the relationship isn't working.

talaniman · May 1, 2011, 07:12 AM

Relax guy, your feelings are normal. Its just that they are new to you, and you are not as experienced yet with coping with them. Its very normal to attach all kinds of meaning to things when they are new, before you learn they are normal for you. Feelings come and go and throws us off sometimes, and create all kinds of wonder, as well as doubts. They can be intense one minute and blah the next.

We all have those feelings, everyone of us, and all that matters is what we do about them. So as they come and go, don't always feel you have to act on them, or get carried away by them. Just stay balanced and focus on staying within boundaries of good behavior, and give a lot of thought to the actions those feelings want you to take.

We all cope with what to do about the way we feel, so I guess you are like the rest of us, normal. However, some can be more normal than others, and we all have to take responsibility for coping with our feelings in responsible ways.