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crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 11:58 AM

I don't know where to start, I have been trying to get help with my divorce, but I keep getting turned down. I hope I can get some help from here. My story is long and frustrating. I moved to Idaho in 2007, I do not have no family here, all my family live in Minnesota. I have 2 kids, 1 is from a different dad(my daughter)my son is from my husband and I. I left my husband and moved out in Aug.2010 with my 2 kids. I've been supporting my kids and I since Aug.2010. I filed my divorce back in Oct.2010. I don't have the money for a lawyer, so I've been doing all this on my own, which is not easy. I had to go to a class which was court ordered, Focus on Children. Then I had to go to mediation, which again court ordered. My son is with me Monday-Friday, then he goes to his dad's on Friday-Sunday. That's how it's been since I moved out. I do no get child support from him! My husband wants 50/50, so he doesn't have to pay support. My husband sees only one direction,him! I have tried discussing what I think is best for our son in mediation but it just goes through 1 ear and out the other. My husband doesn't care what I say, if he doesn't like it, then he threatens he's getting a lawyer! He does not get one, it's he's way to get me in his corner. I have a learning disability and he knows that too, and he uses it againist me!

I might of left things out, if you have questions just ask and I will answer as best as I can. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Cynthia

JudyKayTee · Apr 23, 2011, 12:12 PM

Why doesn't your husband pay child support?

Have you looked into free legal representation?

My concern is that you have answered other questions, indicating you know the law, when you do not - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ml#post2767966

You should NOT be representing yourself in this matter.

Why were you ordered to take parenting classes?

I think you need to explain the entire situation, what papers have been filed and so forth.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 01:07 PM

Why doesn't your husband pay child support? What I've been told is that Child Support will not step in until the divorce is final. Have you looked into free legal representation? Yes I have, my husband works over 40hrs week. Makes between $65,000-$70,000 yr. That's why I can't get help. My concern is that you have answered other questions, indicating you know the law, when you do not. I don't know the law, I was just repeating what my lawyer told me, I'm sorry I should have said it better or not said anything. I do not want to sound like I know a lot because I don't. I DO NOT want to be representing myself, because of my disability. Why were you ordered to take parenting classes? That's what they do here in Idaho, other wise I don't understand it myself. I think you need to explain the entire situation, what papers have been filed and so forth. Here's what papers I filed, COMPLAINT FOR DIVORCE, SUMMONS. There's more but running out of room.

JudyKayTee · Apr 23, 2011, 01:22 PM

What I've been told is that Child Support will not step in until the divorce is final. Have you looked into free legal representation? Yes I have, my husband works over 40hrs week. Makes between $65,000-$70,000 yr.

Have you filed for an emergency support order?

If his income precludes you from reasonably-priced representation it should be very easy for you to retain an Attorney who will collect fees, disbursements, from your husband. That is not at all unusual.

You need a consultation with an Attorney who specializes in matrimonial law.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 01:29 PM

I don't know what an emergency support order is and how to get one started. How can I find one of these Attorney's that specialize in matrimonial law?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 23, 2011, 01:54 PM

You can not get child support till a motion is filed and approved by a judge to give you child support, And even after you have a order, it is often hard to get the money,

But an emergancy order is just that, one that is rushed though, who ever told you that the divorce has to be final, lied, no it does not, child custody, child support and the divorce are all separate issues.

Most US areas have a city or county legal aid society that often helps with either legal rep or at least filling out the forms. That needs to be your first stop.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 02:05 PM

Ok but how do I go about doing this? I feel like I'm on a roller coast that doesn't stop! When I ask questions I really don't get the answers I'm looking for, they seem to beat around the bush, if you know what I mean. If I Google all I get is stupid stuff that really doesn't help me either.

ScottGem · Apr 23, 2011, 02:07 PM

A couple of resources you can explore for legal help.

Local law school: Many run free clinics that may help you devise a strategy and prepare paperwork (motions, briefs, etc.) for free.

Woman's support groups- Start with a local chapter of NOW and also look for other support groups from women going through a divorce. They can refer to attorneys as well as offer advice.

It is not unusual for a court to award legal costs to the party filing for divorce. So you can search for Family Law attorneys in your area. Some may offer a free consult.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 02:18 PM

I have done that, they say they can't help because my husband makes way too much. Woman's support groups- Start with a local chapter of NOW and also look for other support groups from women going through a divorce. They can refer to attorneys as well as offer advice. This I don't have no clue about, is this NOW a name of something. Could you explain a little more about it?

ScottGem · Apr 23, 2011, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by crzyhopper71

I have done that, they say they can't help because my husband makes way too much.

WHO says? What have you done? What your husband makes should not enter into helping you get a divorce.

NOW stands for National Organization for Women (NOW)

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 02:36 PM

I have called legal aide here in Idaho, I've gone to the Health and Welfare office to see if they could help, they gave me ph. Numbers, that I already called. I even went to the court house to see about getting help from them they gave me a sheet. I called the number that was on there and gave them my info. I got a call and they said they couldn't help me! So I don't know what I'm doing wrong, maybe I'm just not saying the right thing.

ScottGem · Apr 23, 2011, 03:37 PM

But that's not what I told you to do. Is there a law school in your area? Have you tried to find woman's support groups?

Legal aid is generally for criminal cases. But, if they handle divorce cases, then you husband's income should not matter only your income.

Also, as I said, you may be able to have him pay your legal costs. Many Family lawyers will give a free initial consult. So they can tell you if it will cost you.

JudyKayTee · Apr 23, 2011, 04:21 PM

I am beginning to think this is not a serious thread - no one can be this confused.

I'm not even sure OP is reading the answers before she responds.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 04:29 PM

To tell the truth I really don't know what is here, I ask questions and I don't get answers. To me it seems like if you don't have the money, your not going to get the help you need. When I went and seen 2 different lawyers right in the beginning, I told them what I wanted to do, which was to move back home to Minnesota! I have been here for almost 4 yrs. And I only got to go back once because my husband spends money like it's growing on trees. He hates my family. The lawyer told me that "I and my daughter could go" "but my son would have to stay until he was of age" so I stopped everything. My mom is very sick and she needs me, but yes I can go that I know. And if I leave I would have to come right back because my divorce is not final. But I can't just leave my son and only see him 3 months out of the yr. Which is what my husband said to me yesterday.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 04:51 PM

You want to make a bet! I have been with my husband since 2001. The first yr we we're married I wanted out because I noticed that I was changing. I started drinking like a fish just to get by, I listened to him call me crazy at least 5 times a day. I worked 40+ hrs. week, came home took care of the kids,cooked, cleaned and did everything else that needed to be done. When I needed something done it never got taken care of, I had to do it. I started believing what he said to me. Yes I should have left him a long time ago but I didn't because I thought I was doing the right thing by staying with my son's dad. When my son was 2, my husband and I were at the bar having a few drinks, we got in a fight and I left to go home. He came home after while. Fight continued, I put kids in car to drop them off at my sisters, my husband called the cops. I was arrested. I did my time in jail and I got treatment. It helped but my drinking didn't stop, just didn't leave the house.

JudyKayTee · Apr 23, 2011, 05:14 PM

You have no idea why you are taking parenting classes BUT (in your words), you began to drink like a fish, you were driving intoxicated with your children in the car, you were arrested, you served time in jail, you got treatment.

I think I know why you were required to attend parenting classes.

You continue to shadow box, addressing everything except what is asked you.

No one here knows what has happened, why it happened. You apparently aren't very good with the details of what/why happened.

We can only address what you should do now.

You seem to think you have all the answers and we can contribute nothing. You argue with us at every turn.

This thread is a waste of time - time to close?

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 05:32 PM

I lost my job and my life just got worse. I stopped living. I was a wife, a mom and a maid. I tried to pull myself out of the bottle more then once, but I just couldn't do it, if I had to stay with him it had to stay too. Years went by and I figured out that we were just staying together because of the kids. My husband didn't talk to me, all I had was my kids. One day my husband says were moving and we did. My drinking slowed down a lot then. I statrted working again after 3 yrs of being home. I got pregnant and I was so happy but when I found out that something was wrong I didn't believe it, until the day my tube broke. I had to go to emergency and have surgery. Year after that it happened again. My husband and I tried to talk but we just couldn't. In 2007 we moved out of state to Idaho. Things started looking up for him, not us me and the kids. I got a job and I thought me and my husband were doing a lot better started talking more. But that wasn't the case.

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 06:11 PM

I didn't have to do parenting classes! Both parents have to take this class. To get a divorce you have to take a class called focus on children, it helps you when your children think it's there fault that your gettig a divorce. And how to answer them. It also helps you figure out a parenting plan (visitation). I'm not trying to shadow box your questions! Maybe I'm just having a hard time understand them. And I don't think if I told you when how or what, would even help. So if u want to close this it's up to u. I'm done crying because I really don't know how to ask about it, maybe you're a better person then me. Thanks for helping

crzyhopper71 · Apr 23, 2011, 06:14 PM

Thanks for your advice, I think I'm just going to have to get a lawyer because I don't know really what to do, and I have to look out for my son. Thanks again

Fr_Chuck · Apr 23, 2011, 06:23 PM

Many states in the US require a parenting class for couples getting divorced, it is suppose to teach you not to use the child as a weapon and to consider the needs of the child