[n2life83]

Hello all. A while ago I went to my co-workers fiancee's birthday party at their apartment. I attended the party with another friend of mine and after the party ended, neither my friend or I were in the condition to drive. As I anticipated this, I had asked my coworker and his fiancée if it's okay to sleep on their couch. I don't know my coworker's fiancée very well but based on a first impression, she is a very nice and fun girl. I only know my coworker on a platonic level... that is, until he started to hit on me, very heavily. At first I tried to ignore it so to not make a scene (after all, it was his fiancee's birthday party and he and I work together). But as the night progressed... his guests left, and his fiancée went to her bed... his advances were too blunt to ignore. I was trying to sleep and he kept talking to me about how unhappy he is with his fiancée. I turned my back to him and told him to go to sleep... so he turned off the living room light and came to me in the dark to force a kiss. That move caught me completely off guard. So again, to not make a scene, and not wake my friend on the other couch... I told him "Please don't do that again".

Ok, so that situation was very uncomfortable but I'm willing to put it behind me. Until he called me the next day to half-apologize. I say he half apologized because he's said "I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable", but followed it with an "I just find you very attractive" line. At work, he's very professional as am I. But that may be because I never let us be alone in a room. His fiancée is very psyched to have me over for the next party this weekend. Plus all my other coworkers are pressuring me to attend this party. I was fully prepared to deflect his advances to show my disinterest... until he sent me a message saying "I'm looking forward to having you over ;)"

Obviously, my visit to the party will be brief. But now, I'm worried about rumors that can start in the office if other coworkers sense my discomfort. I'm worried about him making another bold move and causing drama between him and his fiancée. I find his actions repulsive... plus he has a child with her. Which makes him even sleezier for behaving that way. I don't consider his fiancée my friend (yet) which is why I don't think its my responsibility to tell her what he's doing- although I've thought about it. What would be the best way to stop this while causing as little damage as possible. I like the drama in movies... but not in real life.

[talaniman]

You tell him the next time he disrespects you then you will kick his balls to the middle of the street. Smile, and walk away!! If you have to get loud... oh well as he IS asking for it, so give it to him.

[blueiris982551]

I wouldn't tell the fiancé. What is your relationship status? I guess it doesn't matter. I would speak to him outside of the office and tell him that you are not interested in a man that is taken and will never be. I would also tell him that you will not tolerate any advances. Don't go to the party. I would just make up an excuse like you already have plans or will be out of town that night.

[dontknownuthin]

Be busy and unavailable for the party. You work with this guy. Nobody will think a thing of it if you just say you have a prior commitment with your family and to "have a good time". Make plans with people you don't work with so you don't feel you're missing out.

In the future, follow a two-drink maximum if you are with coworkers - never a good idea to drink to excess anyway, but particularly with people you work with.

I would avoid the drama of telling the girlfriend - he may retaliate at the office and so on. As for his advances, just respond to inappropriate texts, "your advances are inappropriate and unwelcome - stop".