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djq123 · Apr 19, 2011, 06:14 AM

Moved to its own thread

I am married 23 years. 5 months ago my high school boyfriend contacted me via Facebook. We have been talking everyday since via email or phone. I love talking to him. We have met a few times for lunch as we work near each other. I don't feel any physical attraction to him but I love being with him he makes me laugh. I have repeatedly told him that I have no intentions of having an affair. He repeatedly tells me he's in love with me. I don't want to stop talking to him but I also don't want to give him false hope. I feel he's a very good friend, one that I trust & feel comfortable with. My husband knows we talk via Facebook but he doesn't know we talk everyday nor does he know we have met for lunch a few times. I feel like I have betrayed my husband. If the shoe were on the other foot I would be livid. I know I have to stop this talking to the ex everyday but I have become attached.

talaniman · Apr 19, 2011, 07:28 AM

I highly suggest you get unattached since he obviously is trying to get more. I mean do you need his attention that bad that you compromise a marriage and common sense.

You are better than that and you are leading this ex on.

JudyKayTee · Apr 19, 2011, 07:40 AM

Good friends don't tell you they love you when you've made it clear that there is no future.

I am assuming you like the attention. I can think of no other reason to lie to your husband.

You are playing with fire and you are going to get burned.

I'm an investigator. Here's what I run into - situations similar to yours. One party infatuated; other party lying to spouse in order to meet. Infatuated party decides it's time to bring the relationship to a head and notifies spouse of other party. Entire situation explodes.

Want to stay married? Break off with your "best friend."

Want to end your marriage (to say nothing of causing personal hurt to your husband)? Stay in the relationship.

Want to feel very badly about yourself and continue to lie to a man who apparently believes and trust you? Stay in the relationship.

I see no other options.

djq123 · Apr 19, 2011, 09:01 AM

Thanks
Yes I like the attention
You are correct I knew in the back of my mind I was leading him on by talking to him but then again talking to him brings back so many memories of things I long forgot about. He remembers everything from high school. Still has pictures of me at his house from high school.
Nothing good is going to come of this I realize that. Someone is going to get hurt. Thanks again for the advice.

JudyKayTee · Apr 19, 2011, 09:47 AM

If you get hurt you pretty much deserve it.

If your husband gets hurt - well, you caused the hurt. I honestly don't know how you can do that to a person who loves you.

Cat1864 · Apr 20, 2011, 05:33 AM

Djq, I suggest looking at a photo album if you want to take a walk down memory lane. Perhaps, inviting your husband to take a walk with you and enjoy the memories you share of building a life together. Look at how long the path is and how far you have traveled. Think about how much you have grown as a couple. If it feels like you have grown a little distant or are taking each other for granted, then work on it as a couple. Pick up the camera and add new memories to the album.

As for the ex, he is living in the past. He doesn't love you, the person you are now. He doesn't know you. He knows the you who dated him over twenty years ago. He knows the you he has built up a fantasy world around. He doesn't want you. He wants a ghost of a relationship past.

I think you will be much happier if you put the past back in its place. Enjoy the present and look forward to the future. Remember that you aren't alone on the journey.

Jake2008 · Apr 20, 2011, 06:00 AM

I agree with everyone here.

What you have done by continuing to build a relationship with this man, is allow yourself to be in a compromising position.

The plus is, you realize it. The negative is, you have not stopped it.

I would personally tell him straight up, now that you know what his intentions are, and where this friendship is heading, that you need to end it. You don't need a reason, you don't need an excuse. Drop the Facebook thing, and stop all contact with him.

To carry on, knowing it has gone past the memories of the past, that happened over 23 years ago, means you are putting the yearbooks and memories aside, and creating a new relationship with this man.

Don't be fooled, get out of this situation before it goes another step further.

djq123 · Apr 20, 2011, 07:47 AM

Thanks everyone
Appreciate your insight & I will cease contact with him immediately.