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momof1ndlovinit · Apr 19, 2011, 03:53 PM

I have a four year old daughter that lives with me and my husband. She calls him daddy and her bilogical dad by his name and is scared of him. The bio father had lost all but his vistation right but as of right now he has lost them. My husband wants to get joint custody with me to help me fight my exhusband, I am wondering if this is possible in the state of New York?

ScottGem · Apr 19, 2011, 04:36 PM

Your husband can't get custody, but he can file for adoption.

Why has her father lost his rights and why is your daughter scared of him?

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 19, 2011, 05:01 PM

We are not sure why she is scared of him. She has been for awhile now. My husband and I have tried to tell her no one will hurt and she will be fine. She still cries and says she don't want to see him. My daughter is in mental health and the courts are going but what they say. She had been acting out with biting and hitting. She also stopped talking and all her deveopmental tasks where delayed almost a year. I have pushed for all the stuff the schools and mental health have to offer for her.

ScottGem · Apr 19, 2011, 05:09 PM

First, if you have follow-up questions or info, please use the Answer options instead of Comments.

You didn't answer why or how the father has lost his rights. But if the bio father won't agree to an adoption, your husband remains an outsider in this situation.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 19, 2011, 07:19 PM

If the bio father is not a real proven threat, and if the bio father wants a relationship with the child, it is very very unlikely that the new husband can adopt the child.
** he can not get custody

We need to know how and why the bio father has lost any of his rights, including visiting

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 19, 2011, 08:49 PM

The bio father has lost rights because a mental health worker has said he was afecting her mental health. My daughter has been in theropy for mental breakdowns. She had night terrors. She still has problems when people talk about him so I make it a point for people to watch what they say. When he had vists he had have someone with him because of what he did to his oldest daughter. Which I had no idea about when I meet him. I was only 14 when I meet him he was around 47.

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 19, 2011, 08:49 PM

As of right now he has. The bio father has never finished what the courts have ordered him to. I have completed everything he was suppose to on my own free will and enjoyed all the classes I have tooken. Working on my third parneting class. The bio father has not even done one. Also way ordered to have a mental health exam done which he refused to do.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 19, 2011, 08:53 PM

In fact all the bio father has to do is finish the court ordered program, or go back and get the court to drop those requirements. He is far from losing his rights, they are merely suspended till he finishes specific requirements.

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 19, 2011, 08:57 PM

No he did not loss his right because of not fishing the court order stuff he lost them because of the effect he had on my daughter. The theropest things he did something to her but unsure of what. She had told a child protive worker that he touched her in a bad way(no her words. I can not put them up because I want to cry even thinking it could have happen)

ScottGem · Apr 20, 2011, 03:18 AM

Let me get this straight you met him when you were 14 and he was 47? When did you first have sex with him? Did he sexually molest his other daughter? Was he prosecuted for it?

Reading between the lines here, this guy sounds like a pedophile. If his history is provable then I think you stand a good chance of getting his rights terminated especially if your husband is willing to adopt. But we need to know more of the facts here.

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 20, 2011, 06:44 AM

We have intercourse when I was 14. My mother said he could. Yes he did that to his daughter and he used a mentally handy cap to get out of it. Everyone that knows him knows what he did is wrong he even said it was. I am trying to get something done about me being under age.

GV70 · Apr 20, 2011, 06:51 AM

Everybody makes choices, and nobody should be entitled to special treatment because of those choices.

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 20, 2011, 02:22 PM

This is going back 22 years. I just don't know what to do.

ScottGem · Apr 20, 2011, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by momof1ndlovinit

we have intercourse when i was 14. my mother said he could. yes he did that to his daughter and he used a mentally handy cap to get out of it. everyone that knows him knows what he did is wrong he even said it was. i am trying to get something done about me being under age.

Originally Posted by momof1ndlovinit

this is going back 22 years. i just don't know what to do.

You stayed with this man for more than 18 years (if it started when you were 14 and that was 22 years ago and your daughter is now 4 that equates to 18 yrs)?

Was he ever arrested or prosecuted for having sex with you? If he was never brought to trial then I would suggest you immediately go to your local district attorney's office. Talk to a prosecutor about prosecuting your case. NYS repealed the Statute of Limitations on rape in 2008. What I'm not sure of is whether cases that occurred prior to 2008 are grandfathered in.

The fact that your mother gave him permission does not make a difference since she didn't have the right to do so. In fact, she may be subject to prosecution (and she should be) for doing so.

Even if you don't prosecute, filing a report may help you in putting through the adoption. I would assemble any documentation about his pedophilia that you can.

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 20, 2011, 05:33 PM

I have talked to the cops and the D.a of the county it happened in. they have until may of next year to do something. The limit is 5 years after your trun 18. I have been fighting with that for the last two years to have something done. I have tried to find the reports on his older daughter but the cops say they can not find them. Thinking they werein a fire.

ScottGem · Apr 20, 2011, 06:07 PM

I'm confused. Again, NYS repealed the SOL on rape. But since this occurred prior to 2008 they may be subject to the old law.

But if they have another year to file, that means you are 22. I thought you said this happened 22 years ago?

But in any case what is the DA saying about this? Why haven't they filed?

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 20, 2011, 06:13 PM

The case with his older daughter was 22 years ago. I will be 22 next month. My exhusband had raped me un until march 23 of 2008. The limite of pressing charges in ny is five years after the vit truns 18. I had just truned 18 at the time I left him.

ScottGem · Apr 20, 2011, 06:17 PM

Ahh now I see. Were you married to him before you started having sex? How long were you married? And, again what has the DA said about filing charges?

momof1ndlovinit · Apr 20, 2011, 06:21 PM

I was not married before we had sex. Married a total of three years but only lived together for 1yr and a month. The D.A had me talk to a cop and was suppose to be filling charges but have not heard anything on it in a while. My daughters dna is enough profe to show he did something with me under the age of 17. I was 16 when I got pregnant with her and had her three months after I truned 17.

ScottGem · Apr 20, 2011, 06:54 PM

Were you married when you had her? Age of consent in NYS is 17 so if you conceived at 16 that should be enough proof. Call the DA and ask what the status is.