[garden2012]

I feel like I can't talk to my husband. He always wants sex and I have grown to hate it. He used to grab me in public, film me on the camera, and demand oral sex. Then he would be angry at me for months for not wanting to do oral sex, accusing me of not loving him. Sex has become a huge pressure for me and I do it just so he won't get mad at me. I try to keep the peace. I have no friends and he says I don't need any when I tell him that I wish I had friends. I always feel like I have to ask "permission" to do anything -- just in case he wants sex or something, because I get so anxious that he will get irritated or mad. He says that it is all in my head, that he doesn't do this. But just yesterday I told him that I had been very anxious about a particular issue and he said I could talk to him about it. I told him that I needed 7 hours of uninterrupted time during the day to do the job I have during the day at home. He became infuriated, yelled at me, and told me to "shut the F*** up". I told him that this was what I was afraid he would do. He gave me the cold shoulder the entire day and refused to talk to me. He told me that I was crazy. I felt like he was punishing me. Up until yesterday, I had been going into a deep, dark depression, one morning waking up crying. I am very unhappy in this marriage, but believe I am the one causing all of the problems. Yesterday it occurred to me that maybe I AM going insane and am paranoid. Maybe I am mentally ill and that is why I am crying so much and so depressed. Last night I left for awhile because I felt that he could not stand my presence. I came home after a few hours and went straight to bed. He was very loving to me and said he loved me and that he was sorry. I was in so much terrible emotional pain. After a few hours he woke me up to have sex. Of course, I had sex because I wanted peace the next day, but inside I am hurting so badly. I am so terribly sad. I feel like I just want to divorce him when my kids are grown. I was going to take the cpa test, but he said that I'm no accountant. He said all accountants are *******s and even though I'm good at what I do, I'm not the stereotype. Somehow this has discouraged me from studying, even though he says that he supports me in this goal. He says that he encourages me to become a CPA, but I do not truly feel that I have his support because in order to study I have to get up at 4 am in order to have the time to do so. Am I going crazy? Whey am I crying every day? Today my entire body hurts, as though I've been beaten up, but it was only his verbal/non-verbal behavior that hurt me. All I want to do right now is cry and I can't stop crying. Today he sent me an email that he loves me. But I do not feel loved, and I do not love him anymore. I just want to leave. Am I crazy? Am I paranoid? Right now I feel so confused and hurt and lifeless. I feel so sad and depressed I just can't stand it.

[Wondergirl]

My heart goes out to you. Your husband is a classic, textbook example of a control freak. Such a person makes it seem like your fault, separating you from family and friends so you have no allies and must depend on him.

Does this sound like your husband? --

People who feel out of control tend to become controllers. Deep down, they're afraid of falling apart, so they micromanage to bind anxiety. They might have had chaotic childhoods, alcoholic parents, or experienced early abandonment, making it hard to trust or relinquish control to others, or to a higher power. Some controllers have a machismo drive to be top dog in both business and personal matters--a mask for their feeling of inadequacy and lack of inner power. To assert territorial prowess, they may get right up in your face when they talk. Even if you take a few steps away, they'll inch forward again into your space.

Or this?

Type 2 Control Freaks: The Type 2 control freak is also trying to manage their anxiety but they are very aware of you as opposed to the Type 1 control freak. The Type 2 needs to diminish you to feel better. Their mood rises as they push you down. They do not just want to prevail; they also need to believe that they have defeated you. They need you to feel helpless so they will not feel helpless. Their belief is that someone must feel helpless in any interchange and they desperately do not want it to be them. The Type 2 needs to control you.

If you want to keep reading, here is a Wikipedia article that explains it too --

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Control_freak

If you read that, you learned that you are his codependent, supporting his controlling needs. You are forced to be a codependent simply to keep the peace.

Has he ever hurt you physically?

[grammadidi]

In my opinion you are in an abusive relationship and you need to speak to someone and create a plan to leave. Abuse is not just physical. It can be emotional, sexual, physical... and it is clear that you need help. Please call a woman's shelter in your area and speak to them about your feelings. They will help you. If you need help finding one, send me a PM with your general location and I will refer you to a good one in your area. Hang in there... things will get better as you reach out for help. There are many good organizations out there. You can also call your local hospital for a referral.

Hugs, Didi

[Gracey_95]

[B]I had a dad who was a control freak,so, get those kids out of there before it too late,I don't think nyone can read that and think your insane, the only thing people can think when they are reading it, is how insane your husband sounds.
You could do way better believe me, any man who hurts a woman physically, and abuses them is not worth your life, or your kids life, find someone (like familly maybe?) to rely on. And the main thing is that you tell someone like your familly, or even your old friends what happened.. maybee they could come to your rescue?
Go-on to study, and either leave him, or at least go to counselling, because if my boyfriend treat me like that, he'd be long gone.My heart goes out to you.