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fl1981 · Apr 16, 2011, 09:55 PM

Ill try to keep it short. I'm 30 year old guy, no kids and never been married. Im dating, or thought I was dating a co-worker who is 38, divorced, has 2 teenagers, going back to school, lives with ex's husbands' parents, has a stress filled life. She doesn't know what she is doing from one day to the other, always late when we do go out, always dated the "bad boy" type and has been hurt by everyone of those bad boys. Things where fun up until last week. I got the dreaded, "I need space" text. I right then and there was thinking, yup its over. Seeing I have gotten the "i need space" from previous girlfriends I know not to have any contact with her. I told her take as much time as you need, I'm here for you and call me when your ready. Im thinking to just move on. My problem is we work for the same company, however its only a few minutes a day that I see her,( when I punch out and leave) different departments. I really have no idea what way this is going to end but my question is if she does decide to stay with me am I crazy for being with a woman with so much baggage? It doesn't bother me that she has a lot on her plate. What bothers me is she is always late when we do go out, is always stressed out by work, kids, living situation and school. I have talked to about this and the answer I just is I'm sorry this is my life. When we did spend time together is was great. She is very caring, out going, shows affection, great in bed and many other qualities. I hope for the best but planning for the worst.

talaniman · Apr 16, 2011, 10:18 PM

All those feelings will fade when you get back in a good groove again and have moved on. Yes move on so the dust will settle and the confusion can fade. I think seeing her so much keeps the old feelings stirred up for now, but that too will get better.

It may be YEARS before she unpacks her baggage so have fun and keep giving her space.

Go forward, not back! No you are not crazy, just coping with the healing process.

amicon · Apr 17, 2011, 12:35 AM

When people ask for space,you give them space-forever-heal and then move on.

The few minutes you have to see her-be polite and distant.

redhed35 · Apr 17, 2011, 01:50 AM

It was probably pot luck that she ran into you, not a conscious decision to go for a nice guy, to change direction and try something new, she's not ready, not able to yet 'see' for herself the choices she makes have an impact on her life.

Walk away, your ready for a relationship, she's not.

You may see where she needs to change things in her life, reduce the stress, but until she see's it, your flogging a dead horse.

Your not crazy, you just see the situation from a different angle, an angle that will allow you to move on and do what's best for YOU.

ajwain · Apr 17, 2011, 02:30 AM

Yes you need to move on.. she from her past seems to be running away from her responsibilities by ending up with someone or the other.. so she can't carry on in any single relnship.. so no future for you with her.

chuff · Apr 17, 2011, 06:15 AM

Obviously move on. This is not for you. But at work, no matter how bad the day, I beg of you to always put a smile on your face in front of her and keep any interaction short. Do not let her ever see you unhappy for anything because she is the one with the messed up life, not you. A happy, smiling you will drive that point home in the future even if she'll never admit it, she'll think, "he's happy and I'm living with my ex's parents so life sucks" (or something like that). Be positive and short at all times.

lonely2010 · Apr 17, 2011, 09:35 PM

Try to get a new one. It is better for you to find some one else who close to your age. She's already experienced something which you have not experienced yet and what's more she's not got back for new.

Jake2008 · Apr 18, 2011, 08:14 AM

No, you're not crazy. You're just in the enviable position of being able to have a more uncomplicated life, which is at direct conflict to the life your girlfriend has.

Yes, she brings a lot of 'baggage' into a new relationship, but it is not necessarily something she has any control over. Probably with her hectic life, finding a few hours to spend with you is a huge task, considering the responsibilities she has to her job, her children, and her parents who she lives with.

Think about what the relationship would mean to you, and how your life would change, if you did forge ahead with her. Raising teenagers, the chaotic lifestyle, the lack of hours in a day, the financial obligations, etc. It is a huge undertaking for you to consider, and one that when made, should find you being fully committed to her as much as you are to her children. Taking on this role, would test the resolve of a saint.

With her saying that she needs her space, that means she is not asking you to step into her life, and the lives of her children. Maybe it is just too much for her right now to consider anything long term, with any man, while her life is upside down. It's not necessarily you, it is the impossible task of making a commitment that she is simply not able, or ready, to take on.

I would, myself, consider the relationship over. Whether a friendship with fewer expectations might be possible, is anybody's guess, or, a modified version of a full commitment. But, for whatever reasons, and to me they are good ones, she needs to maintain the responsibilities she has now, without a love interest.

vanheart · Apr 18, 2011, 09:22 PM

Nice way of putting it, Jake. You must be Canadian, hehee. Go Canucks.

But, be glad. She's got way too much baggage for you. Emotional & physical. Her fault is no one else's. Like mine.

Living with her ex's parents & 2 kids 10 years younger than you...

Consider this a wake up to what you really want.

She's not in.

fl1981 · Apr 19, 2011, 02:37 AM

I would be living with her or her kids, nor would she move in with me, but I see your point.

fl1981 · May 4, 2011, 07:49 PM

Update:
So it's difficult working with the ex. I always have a smile on my face and seem positive. I took necessary actions such as deleting her phone number, email address from my phone and her Facebook. Yes, I went there, I get a text today from her telling me it's immature to not only delete her but also her brother and sister. I figured it was a package deal so get rid of all. Work is going to be very strange tomorrow. Any suggestions.

amicon · May 4, 2011, 11:19 PM

Polite and distan is how you act;don't let her snide remarks get to you.

You're right,it is a package deal,so you did the right thing.

Keep moving on,you're doing fine.

talaniman · May 5, 2011, 06:33 AM

Stay on your own course and let her do whatever she wants, and say whatever she wants. You are under no obligation to her, or her family, and can do whatever you see fit in your own behalf. Your healing is your priority, not her being miffed.