[libra102]

My husband of 20 yrs recently left we have 3 kids together and he has been staying at a friends hous now for 1 month. We had a very bad argument and he thought it was best to tke some time apart as to nolonger fight makeup and fight in front of the kids. They think we are dysfunctional. Which I agree we both came with a lot of baggage from out childhoods and then created our very own during our marriage. When never went to therepy was just fought and made up continuously. I guess every thing stayed bottled up until in spilled over 3weeks ago. At 1st he was really angry cause was not very pleasant to be around they we exploded. We talked about legal seperation; divorce counceling together and apart. I cried, he's yelled etc . Recentlty, I took a hold of my feelings and said enough. Im not going to text ,email or call .Just go to work ,take care of my kids and myself.I told him I need time now. That 1st we must fix each other before we fix us a husband and wife. I meant it too. That threw him for a loop. I noticed that the more I begged for forgiveness and begged him to return the meaner and colder he was towards me .Oh he avoided seeing me in any way said the only way he would be in the same room with me was in a therapist office. Any way, today I was sick and so was son . So I asked him to come after wrk stay with him while I ran my errands.. doc / shopping food/. We finally sat watched TV together no cuddling and made him a sandwich. He suffers from chronic back pain because an accident he had when we were newlyweds. He said he was in pain because he has been sleeping on his buddies sofa bed. So I offered to crack his back like I've always done. 1st he refused and said why would you want to do that? I said fine . I just don't like to see you in pain. He agreed and we went to THE bedroom. He tells me I know you want.. u want me to take you and you know the rest. I said speak for yourself. He stated we have to satisfy our needs while we are separated. Again I replied speak for yourself. So I thought hmmm. I could use this situation to my advantage . I said fine but only if you kiss me.. Im not a tramp. I was never going to anyway.So we leaned in and omg . I know he felt what I felt . Then we kissed again and it was more passionate. He then said I have to go.. before we do something stupid and stated that we were dysfunctional. I disagree... I feel that we are still attracted to each other and my fall in love all over again if I remain strong. If we felt what we felt during that kiss and me with my butterfiles does that meen we are still in love or he still love//? Sorry for long essay

[southamerica]

I think you should ask him to going to marriage counseling with you. If you two have some sort of spark then there might be something worth salvaging. The hot/cold dynamic you have going right now IS dysfunctional and a professional counselor will help you both see how to move forward in this marriage in a healthy way.

Talk to your husband about seeing a couples therapist with you, I think that's your best option.