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dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 02:14 PM

My name is dennis... my daughter mother and I divorced 6 years ago with the intentions on keeping a close family... she started to move all over the country, and finally stopped calling me looking for money... I've tried all those people finder websites, and nothing... I miss my daughter! She was taken out of my life 6 years ago... does anyone have any ideas to give me? Last time I new where she was, leeds ny

Wondergirl · Apr 10, 2011, 02:36 PM

There's no court order to pay child support?

I see on another thread (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ng-568694.html) that you were a drug addict. Does that have anything to do with your ex's moving and avoiding you?

dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 02:47 PM

No my addiction started after they were gone, I tried the excuse that I was using to deal with the pain, but in reality I was just using to avoid dealing with anything and all things. We were really good friends after the divorce, things just weren't right in the marriage, we had a 10 year age difference, I am the younger, and it just wasent right, we talked a lot about my daughter, I saw her a lot, then she got a boyfriend that dident like me, and stuff slowed down with communication, then she disappeared, not with the guy anymore, and I don't know what to do

Wondergirl · Apr 10, 2011, 02:50 PM

Do you know her relatives who might tell you something? Friends in common?

Does she know about the drugs? Could this be scaring her?

dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 02:50 PM

Oh and as for the child support, I started a trust fund for my daughter when we split up, and it works if she gives receipt to the bank they give her the cash if its dealing with my daughter and a check get mailked once a month for 850 to a po box. But I am not sure how she is getting them

dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 02:54 PM

I'm not sure if she knows about the chemical abuse, doubt it would scare her, and I can't find her parents, its been a while since I've spoken to them and I think they have both passed unfortunately... and her sister I never really got to know because they were feuding when we were together, and I don't know if she's married or over in iraq still in the navy

Wondergirl · Apr 10, 2011, 02:55 PM

Is it a trust fund that is growing, or monthly checks that your daughter's mother uses for maintenance?

Have you been regular with the support money? This wasn't court ordered?

Wondergirl · Apr 10, 2011, 02:57 PM

Can you go through the Navy somehow to find her? (She may not want to be found, you know.)

dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 03:00 PM

She never got it court ordered cause I took care of all her needs after and I set up a handsome trust fund that she gets a check mailed to the pobox monthly, and she can mail or go to the bank in wich the trust is set up and get the money back regarding my daughters needs, every year I add to the trust, so my daughter will have a start when she is 18, college, first car and the rest when she is 27. She wouldn't get more if she took me to court, she would probably get less, but I take care of everything about my daughter, just don't get to see her, and her mother knows if she needs something I would always give it to her, she just stopped asking, and took my daughter from my life

dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 03:06 PM

I've gotten a lot of advice from a lot of people... and it all ends up being the same thing, that I don't like nor do I want to hear. They tell me when my daughter is of age and she starts to get large sums of money from the trust that she will want to see me or contact me, but my thought in that is this, what if she doesn't? What if her mother tells her a lot of horrble stuff and she hates me, what if her mother tells her I just left her? None of that is true, but things sort of changed after the divorce, wich was her idea, I just don't think she thought I would do it. But we fought too much, and I dident want my daughter to see all of that. Her sister was a nut, as was my wife, I know I should just let it lie, and just hope my daughter one day calls me, but I don't want to give up

Fr_Chuck · Apr 10, 2011, 03:10 PM

Well for starts, it is not support, just a gift if it is not court ordered. Perhaps if you stopped the money every month for a few months, she would decide to find you.

Next trace where the money is going.

dennis124217 · Apr 10, 2011, 03:13 PM

I've often thought of doing that, but I think that will only hurt my daughter... but I guess its getting to the point that something has to change. Thank for the advice, and the idea

Cat1864 · Apr 10, 2011, 04:15 PM

How old is your daughter now? Have you tried sending anything else to the PO box like birthday cards?

Who oversees the trust fund?

I think if you haven't already that you need to confirm that the checks are being cashed and who is cashing them. You should be able to find out where they are being cashed, too. If the only money being taken out of it is the monthly check, she may not be the one still receiving them.

You should keep trying to find them IF you really are clean and stable. Even if she doesn't find out until years later, it will make a difference to her when the truth comes out. However, you should not approach the child without talking to the mother first if you do find them.

Good luck.