[Slihp]

Hello all.

Basically I'm feeling pretty stuck at the moment. I have, what I would call, a pretty big decision to make and would appreciate some help on what to do.

9 months ago I was promoted in my job which meant I had to move to America. I did this at the drop of a hat as it was a great op and it was for 3 years.

Within the first couple of weeks out there I met a girl, she is very kind and loving. 8 months past during we were pretty much inseparable, we practically lived together. Then, within the 8th month the job I was in was going through some rocky times which ultimately resulted in sweeping cuts and I was made redundant.

The last few weeks of our relationship were somewhat complex. We did argue because of the situation we were placed in and the fact that because I wasn't a citizen I couldn't just pick up another job and carry on. We did discuss marriage but, at the time, I felt I couldn't just get married and tell my parents the news. Also, although the marriage was for genuine reasons (we felt we would have a chance of a successful marriage) we both felt that it could be seen as conspicuous so we decided it was best for me to go back to the UK.

Now that I am back in the UK I just don't feel the same, we are still talking a lot on MSN etc and doing what we can to keep in touch. I would really like to go back to the US and be with my g/f. I just don't know how to break the news to my family. They have not met this girl and have heard only a few anecdotes.

I just want to be back out there, I enjoyed my life, back here it seems like nothing has changed and is very mundane. However, I get the feeling that I am rushing my decision and that my parents will highlight this. After all, it was an 8 month relationship, a good one at that. I know that my dad expects me to find a job in the UK now that I'm back.

The reason why I feel like I am rushing is because, I don't know really, but the only way I can explain it is "i didn't expect my future wife to look like her". She's not unattractive, but I just can't get over it. It ties me to the UK because I feel like I should just suck it up and wait it out for a new romance (which is in no sight), find a job and carry on here in the UK hoping that I will forget about my time in the US or at least, hoping the want to go back fades.

I know that moving abroad is a big commitment, my parents were not to bad with the idea that it was for 3 years initially. However, this will be for good and this on top of marriage is making my head spin.

Stay here in the UK and hope or move to the US and get married? What do you think?

[talaniman]

Do what you feel is best for you. If its not worth the risk, then its not worth the gain. No one can tell you what you want, or get it for you.

Make a decision, based on facts, and make no secret of it. Then do what it is you want. That's what I think.

There are no guarantees, for any of us, so give it some thought.

[Edy020]

Let's be realistic about this. You will be returning to the U.S. at a time when citizens cannot find jobs. The economy is bad, and the unemployment rate is very high. There are thousands of resume for every good job posted. Unless you are in a very especialized field, your chances of making a good living here are very small.
Since most arguments in a relationship are about money issues, this is placing you at a disadvantage right away. Is your girlfriend willing to support you? For how long? Obviously she is not, or she would have offered to do that while you found another job.
There is nothing like having family around as a support system. Your family will assist you when everyone else fails you. You will not have that in another country.
The only reason that you mention for going back is the girl. There will be other girls. Don't rush to move far away for a relationship that may or may not work out for you. You mention that you are going to get married, however, she could have married you before you went back to th UK if she had that in mind. After eight months if you two had really wanted to end up together, you would have found a way. However, you say that you discussed marriage and did not want to get married because it would seem conspicious. That is not a good excuse. I have known other people who got married, and then filed paperwork with immigration, and got their papers. Your marriage would seem conspicous to whom?
The bottom line is this, you had a relationship for eight months. There are people who have been married the first month they meet because they know that the other person is the love of their life. Eight months, under your circumstances is a long time.
My opinion is that you should try to get a job close to your family. Love will come when you least expect it. Don't try to pursue something that may not be to your best advantage. If she really loves you, why can't she move to the UK? Is that a possibility that she would be willing to consider?
Ask yourself this, "Is she the first person I think about in the morning, and the last person I think about at night?" If she is, follow your heart, but know that it may not work out, and you will not have your family to count on in another country.

[sahar.]

JUST go Back to US and live with your LOVE...