[emoney86]

Dear diary,
I have been having many issues with my boyfriend lately. For starters he is always so suspicious of me. When I get a phone call or text message he needs to know who it is, when I stay after work late he thinks that I am cheating on him, when another guy touches me at all such as giving me a hug or nudges me on the arm, and on the rare occasion that I go out with a friend or visit with my family and he is not there he thinks I am doing behind his back. Because of this I have totally changed how I react to everything. When I get a phone call or text message I exclaim, “oh my sister Molly is calling me!” or, “I just got a text message from my boss.” When I stay late for work (which is required of me a lot of the time), he drills me with questions, I do not mind answering them but it bothers me because I know he is asking because he is suspicious. My boyfriend and I used to work together and one of our bosses would always give me high fives or nudge me on the shoulder and once he even came up behind me and rubbed my shoulders for a quick second before I showed him that it made me uncomfortable. The same week of the incident I went over to my sister's house to babysit her kids. Later that night when I came back I started to get a bit frisky with my boyfriend and started nibbling and blowing on his ear. He asked me where I learned that from because apparently I have never done that before and started talking about how it was weird that our boss rubbed my shoulders. I tried explaining to him that I had no control over it and I made it prevalent that I showed him it made me uncomfortable and told him that it is just how he is and I cannot control the way he is. Our boss is just the flirtatious type. In response, my boyfriend asked why I was defending him.
What makes this so much worse is that he will not discuss this with me. He refuses to communicate. He does not like confrontation which I understand, I don't typically like it myself but when I try to talk to him about it he thinks we are fighting. So then the discussion turns into a fight which is very frustrating because we end up arguing about how he doesn't want to discuss issues instead of talking about and trying to resolve our issue of his suspicion. During our fights he just keeps saying he is sorry while he rolls his eyes or looks away, which is not a real sorry, it's one of those apologies that you know someone just says because they think it's what you want to hear. It gets so frustrating because he will try to walk away or lie down and cover his face. In the middle of one of our fights he always says that I am just miserable and that I should just break up with him. Or he asks if this is just a big ploy to break up with him. I keep telling him that I don't want to break up with him I just want to have an adult conversation about how he is suspicious and try to work on the issue. So then he says he has been talking to me and I reply that he has not because he just keeps getting mad that we are arguing.
I understand why he is suspicious; he has been cheated on before when his ex-girlfriend slept with his brother. I understand why he has this issue but it seems like he doesn't want to work it out. I want to work it out. I want him to trust me because I have never cheated on him, never will, and never want to. I am a very loyal girlfriend and I love him so much. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him because everything else about him is perfect.

[amicon]

This isn't healthy at all,he's trying to control what you can and can't do.

You yourself know that your behaviour has changed-so that he won't get upset by what are normal every day occurrences in your life,texts,calls etc.

Personally,I think there are too many red flags,especially since it seems he has no wish to have an adult discussion about it.

Have you suggested couple's therapy?

[emoney86]

I have thought about it but have not yet suggested it to him.

[Wondergirl]

Have you suggested couple's therapy?

I have thought about it but have not yet suggested it to him.

When you suggest it to him, say it's for you (not for him) or that you need to find ways to communicate better with him. If you make it sounds like he's the "problem," for sure he will refuse to go.

And if he refuses to go, YOU go alone. Along the way, the therapist will probably ask him to come in for a session, and meanwhile you will get some help figuring out things.

[talaniman]

If he won't even try, what would be the point??