[Calliebug14]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and I couldn't be happier most of the time.. But every once in a while I'm reminded of the past year when we had hit a rough patch and broke up. He ended up going out with another girl --and I'll skip all the drama-- whom he ended up having sex with to make me angry. I didn't let him see that it angered me.

He doesn't know that he succeeded in making me FURIOUS, though, and I've never told him. That's one of the things that we've just kind of agreed not to discuss. But anyway, we ended up getting back together and have been much happier, but I'm still very insecure because of it.

He's this really hot, sweet, affectionate guy --not to mention the fact that he's a senior in high school-- whereas I'm this shy, quiet freshman that doesn't really know where she belongs. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I'm as far out of his league as one could get. We're worlds apart, but he tells me he loves me every single day and never let's me go a minute without knowing it.

But it still bugs me that he slept with that other girl. He's never pressured me about having sex, and he's very understanding of my wish to wait until marriage, but I can't help but feel like he could do better than me, and maybe one day he's just going to tell me "sorry, I found someone better," and dump me. I hate feeling like this..

[Jake2008]

Try to accept that he could be telling the truth. That he is loving and loyal and faithful. Accept the fact that he is over his past indescretion, and that your ruminating about it, is affecting your relationship with him.

When you have those sinking feelings that lead to you thinking you aren't worthy, or you begin to question why he would be with you when he could choose anybody, realize that those are not his thoughts, those are your own.

I don't think this has as much to do with you being unsure of him, as it is about you being unsure of yourself.

While you have to preserve your own identity in any relationship, you being critical without cause, of yourself, robs you of an opportunity to enjoy the positive aspects of a relationship, and thwart healthy affection, by overshadowing it with negative thoughts that keep you second guessing yourself, and your own worth.

Sometimes too, it is sort of a defensive way of thinking so that if and when the relationship ends, you can assure yourself that it would have ended anyway because you were not right for him. This kind of sabotage, while you may think protects you from disappointment, actually causes disappointment. Eventually, how you feel about yourself, will reflect in how others feel about you.

Try to work on why you put up these walls. It could simply be that you are young, and inexperienced in relationships, but, I get the impression that you are very smart and together with your own boundaries (ie no sex until marriage).

You cannot change your thinking, without being critical of your thoughts, and decide how realistic/unrealistic they are, and how they affect how you feel. Allow yourself to trust a little more, that you are 'worthy' of affection, and the relationship you have now, is the only one that matters. Accept what you cannot change, and try to overcome the negative thinking about yourself, by thinking that your perceptions of yourself, aren't based on fact.

Have a good talk to yourself the next time you are feeling these thoughts are overtaking you, and stop yourself. Resolve each one, one at a time, without going into the whole ruminating thing. For instance, come to terms with the fact that he likes you for who you are. Allow the past to stay in the past, and not cloud your perceptions, and realize that this really isn't about him having a past.

Easy? No. But, to put up these walls with thinking that is negative and destructive doesn't bode well for yourself confidence, and that will affect everything you do.

[chaaa]

From experience, I can understand your situation. I fell in love (or at least thought I did) with my ex when I was a freshman. I spent 4 years of my life with him & I couldn't have been happier. But he ended up sleeping with another girl & I realized that if he honestly loved me, he would have never done such a thing. Even with all the anger in the world, how can you PURPOSELY do something so hurtful? For the next year he begged & pleaded to get back together, but I just couldn't do it. He told me he loved me every single day & that I was an angel sent to him. After a year, I find out he's living with the same girl, and guess what, they just had a baby. Its been 3 years now but none the less, I was right. Despite the anxiety & hurt that I felt like never before, my gut feeling was right. If I would have believe what he said, I would have been played the entired time. Basically, listen to not only your girl intuition, but your HEART. Of course it would be hard to be with out a guy you've been with so long, but it could be any guy. Your young & trust me there are PLENTY of other guys who can LOVE you & NEVER purposely hurt you...

[sam3445]

Girl, I'm sure you're amazing, don't ever say that he can do better cause I'm sure he is happy (: but the same thing similar happened to me I just found out the whole time my ex has been trying to get me back he has been having sex with other girls, I know it hurts he promised me he wouldn't have sex with anyone else and he would wait for me. But I guess not but I'm sure you have nothing to worry about it if he doesn't pressure you.

[talaniman]

You are so much younger than him, and are still hurt and mad about his behavior during the break up. You simply have not gotten over it, and I think you are hiding what you feel because you don't know how to express yourself to him about it.

I really think its because you are afraid of another break up, and he will find someone else. Your own fear is what causes your insecurity, and a lack of expression of those fears.

Don't stifle what you feel. Find a calm positive way to express them, and try to see that a guy who has sex with another so casually to make you mad, may not be that great of a guy in the first place.