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George23 · Apr 3, 2011, 08:21 PM

Ok I have a new girlfriend that I really like but I still cannot stop talking to my ex of 4 yrs who keeps saying she loves me and wants to make things work, she lives 300 miles from me and wants to get a place. I know I still love her but I'm not sure if my life has moved on. My new girlfriend of 3 months is great and I really do like her a lot, I don't know if I just don't want to hurt her feelings or the same for my ex.

Please give us some advice or mainly from another perspective to broaden my thought.

adviceishere · Apr 4, 2011, 01:05 AM

Well I'm a girl and your acting like a jerk! That's my perspective... do you not think your being extremely unfair to this poor girl your just stringing along? Your talking to your ex and telling each other you's love each other! Come on! Be a bit more decent and decide what you want while single. Leave this poor woman to find a completely available man that will treat her better... if you are not a jerk you would end this pointless relationship... I really hope you prove me wrong. :eek:

George23 · Apr 4, 2011, 03:04 AM

I haven't actually been telling my ex I still love her or anything along those lines as it isn't fair. I really like the girl a lot but my head is mucked up.

adviceishere · Apr 4, 2011, 04:07 AM

I understand that you head is a mess but its selfish of you to hang on to this new girl just because you like her, its unfair, you need to be on your own right now, its not going to get easier to choose the longer your with your new girl and still talking to this ex and having feelings for her.

talaniman · Apr 4, 2011, 09:11 AM

The fair thing to do is leave them alone until you head ain't all mucked up. Then you won't have to be a lying, cheating user dude like you are now.

Comes a time every guy (and girl) has to make decisions for themselves and follow through by doing the right thing within boundaries of good behavior.

Personally, my advice is cut all contact with the ex cleanly, and look forward, not back!

The past is distracting you. And the new girl deserves the truth to figure out if you are worth her time or not. That would be fair, don't you think?

Man up!! Be honest, and stand for the consequences of YOUR actions.

mystific · Apr 4, 2011, 05:39 PM

You're a joke.

How rude and utterly inconsiderate you are to entertain your 'ex' while you're in a relationship with someone else.

I sincerely hope your current girlfriend finds out so she can cut you a word or two.

Its insincere, dishonest men like you that give the good ones a bad name.

Use the set you were born with and be honest. Leave both women alone and sort yourself out first before you screw another woman around.

George23 · Apr 4, 2011, 08:33 PM

I understand everything being thrown at me and it's a predicament I brought on myself. I thought I was over the ex and that's the only reason I started my new relationship. I know talking to my ex isn't fair but I have not cheated and I'm not using anyone, I don't intend to either.

talaniman · Apr 4, 2011, 08:53 PM

No wonder you can't do the right thing for yourself. You can't even see what you are doing wrong.

This isn't a predicament, its your inability to tell right from wrong, and justifying the wrong you are doing.

amicon · Apr 5, 2011, 03:10 AM

Ask yourself,how would you feel if someone was doing this to you?

Would that make you happy?

I don't think so.

mystific · Apr 5, 2011, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by George23

I understand everything being thrown at me and it's a predicament I brought on myself. I thought i was over the ex and that's the only reason I started my new relationship. I know talking to my ex isn't fair but I have not cheated and I'm not using anyone, i don't intend to either.

You haven't cheated? Really? Have you told your current girlfriend you're talking with your ex? Have you shared with her your 'predicament' of not really being over your ex? Told her your ex is telling you that she still loves you?

What part of that isn't cheating?

Oh hey have you told your ex you've a new girlfriend?

And please, you're not using anyone? Sure you are. Your current girlfriend. See while she thinks that your 'all there' in her relationship, reality is you're there physically. I'm willing to bet you still sleep with her. Still tell her you love her. That you want to be with her.

You're using her. If you weren't you'd break it off with her and sort out the 'emotional drama' you're going through with your ex.

Hey here's a new one.. try being honest.. with yourself.

Cat1864 · Apr 5, 2011, 09:36 AM

George, you say it yourself '... but I'm not sure if my life has moved on.' You need to be sure before you are in another committed relationship with anyone other than yourself. Not being 'sure' leads to confusion and hurt. Neither of these ladies nor you deserve the pain that is going to happen if you keep up the dance you are doing.

Are you having sex with the current girlfriend? What happens if there is an unplanned pregnancy?

What happens if the ex gets a place and wants you to move in and start over?

What happens if both scenarios happen at the same time?

Explain to the current girlfriend that you made a mistake and aren't as over the ex as you thought you were. Be honest about needing more time on your own and only casual dating if that much while you get your emotions in order.

Explain to your ex that you need to heal and let go of the past and the issues it holds. For the time being you need to use No Contact to figure out what you need and want in a relationship.

You need to work through your own issues without anyone else influencing your thoughts and actions. It will make you a stronger and healthier person and partner in the future.