[country_girl86]

I'm 25 years old and have been in a relationship with Mark (also 25) for over 3 months now. We live in a small country town and have known each other since grade 6. We were never really friends while growing up as we hung out in different groups. He was the quite, shy, nice type growing up. We reunited recently and from that moment have not been apart. He is different now - very outgoing, not shy at all, still nice, but cares what people think about him. Not only do I believe he is a good man, but my good friends (who have been successfully married for 4 years) and other close friends who have successful relationships also believe so. Things have been fantastic - fun, loving, open, honest, and an obvious commitment is present. I do so much for Mark (maybe too much too soon?) but he always acknowledges it and appreciates it telling me verbally how amazing and wonderful he thinks I am. He will do this no matter who is around. But now I have encountered a bump in the road... every once in a while he turns around and makes "jokingly" rude comments that make me feel almost belittled, like I did something wrong. It's like he gets a confidence boost or something while I'm left in a bad mood feeling ****ty. Could this be because he is lacking some self-esteem? I brought it up once asking him why he can be so mean to me and his reply was "I don't know." I recently got mad at him, and in privacy he asked me what I was upset about. I could barely respond. I didn't know how to explain my feelings. I just said "I don't want to be treated like a doormat."

I'm afraid again. I'm scared of giving so much, and getting used like a doormat. I'm scared of not seeing the truth. I scared of lying to myself again. For not standing up for myself. For getting into a potentially emotionally abusive relationship. (I dated a guy for 3 years who was emotionally abusive). While nobody sees Mark as this kind of guy (not even myself), the old feelings from my past relationship have come rushing back.

I guess I'm on here because I have no idea how to communicate my feelings. I've always had a difficult time saying what I really feel and get embarrassed with my feelings - probably a childhood thing. But I know I do feel that this relationship his the potential to evolve, I just think I need to honestly communicate my feelings and see what happens? So where do I start? What and how do I say it? Really, why do I have such a hard time doing this? Thanks for taking the time to help me out and see things from a different perspective.

[amicon]

You start by telling him exactly how his c****y so called jokes make you feel.

If he can't understand where you're coming from,then,as you have been in an abusive relationship,you go buy your gut instinct.

Just for the record,abusers are rarely seen as such by people who aren't really close to them.

[talaniman]

"Your comment makes me feel bad"

Keep it simple, keep it straight. Sometimes people say things, and we take it wrong because it reminds us of not so good times, we have been through. But if he doesn't know or understand, then you have to teach him, and make some boundaries you both agree on. That's how you build.

[Edy020]

You seem like a very nice, and giving type of person. Take a piece of paper and split it down the middle. On one side make a list: Things I like about him. On the other side make a list: Things I don't like about him. Which list is longer? Don't shortchange yourself by staying with someone if you don't feel loved, and apprecitated.