[neuzababe]

I am 24 and I have a 4 year old daughter with my boyfriend, her father. When our daughter was a year old we broke up because he was obsessive, jealous, insulting, physically and emotionally abusive. I got another boyfriend and 2 years passed, There was so much hate between us we never even spoke for that entire time and I made arrangements with his parents for him to see our daughter. Last year January, we got back together and I moved to another country with him, where he was working at the time and we are still here, I recently got a job, it doesn't pay much so I still depend on him financially. He is a good person, he changed so much, for the past year that we have gotten back together he hasne beaten me but he is still very very abusive, emotionally. He gets mad when I talk to his best friends and when I joke with them, he gets mad when I'm on the net, he gets mad when I log out of my Facebook account and accuses me of hiding something, he acuses me of flirting, cheatin, everything... ecery single day, an I am so tired, I am drained. When I listen to music he gets mad if the song has lyrics that have something to do with breaking up, he thinks everything that I do is a sign that I'm unfaithful. I feel like leaving him but I'm afraid, I also need him to help me financially and I don't know where to even start, but I'm not happy. He gets upset when I look beautiful and he always makes me feel like I'm average looking, he hurts me and he doesn't appreciate everything I do around the house for him... tonight, I'm just so tired, I want to call my mother and just go back home and start afreash with my friends and meet new people and get a job, but I don't think I'm strong enough. Do I try to change him or should I just go home?

[mandyjane2]

I think I can help you as to why he acts the way he does, 1) He probably became a better person while you were away because he realized how good he had it and missed it. He is most likely still emotionally abusive because it's more difficult to change yourself mentally so he can pretty much try and change himself for you and stop physically abusing you but emotional is much more difficult. He feels like you can easily pick up and leave him so he gets easily jealous of anything that you could possibly chose over him (such as his friends). Basically he is trying to keep you from dumping him and getting frustrated when he thinks you might be thinking about leaving him again. I think he loves you he just can't treat you how you should be treated yet, if talking to him hasn't worked you should accept the fact that you won't be happy with him till he can stop emotionally abusing you and understand that you DO love him and Won't leave him.Don't stay with him because you rely on him financially, that will only make it more difficult for you to live a happy life.

[ken007nielsen]

He's overly jealous, he's psychologically abusive and to top that off, your scared of him.

What are you doing? You have a child call your mom have her wire you some money and get out of that house as fast as you can, not only just for you - but for the child as well.

If that kid is growing up in a house where this is a normal day. That girl is going to have some serious issue's later on in life.

I'm sure he loves you, and I'm sure he's aware of how you feel about the way he has been treating you, and I'm also sure that there has been little to no improvements, nor has he sought any help or guidance for his problems.

So the way I see it is:
A) This is as good as it get's so get used to it.
B) Leave, get your life in order - focus on yourself and your little girl - don't let either of you suffer anymore.

[amicon]

He hasn't beaten you again-yet!
Look,you really need to get in touch with your mother and get your child and yourself out of there.

Abuse is never,ever about love,it's about power.

An abuser rarely changes,some do,with years of therapy,but he's got to want that and I can't see that happening.

You have a child to care for and a life to live,so leave him asap.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...es-567713.html

Go back to your parents and get some help. You need some guidance, and Good Orderly Direction, ASAP!

[DoulaLC]

From your other post, it sounds as though you have given him every reason to think you are being unfaithful... because you are!!

Abuse is never acceptable, but than neither is cheating. You don't have to physically be with someone to be cheating with them.

I agree with talaniman... go home. Leave both of these men alone. Get your life in order for you and your child before you get involved with any other men.

Why would you even want to be with the other man when you know he cheats on his girlfriend?

[neuzababe]

DoulaLC and talaniman, I EXPLAINED EARLIER THAT THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BEST FRIEND... and if I could, I would go to that country myself and get her but I cant, and I need a visa to go there, and she won't listen to me, so thanks to all the replies, I will get her to read this.. the thing is that her boyfriend hates me and the rest of us (her friends) so much because he once read her inbox and found a thread between her and us, and we were telling her to leave him, so we really don't know what to do but we don't want to leave her just like that. And I love her daughter so much but I have a feeling this is going to go sour pretty soon. I don't think her mom know what is going on though... should I talk to her? (her mom) os is it not my business? Is it wrong that I put this up? I'm starting to feel bad... more advice will really help. As for me, I'm still really torn up... uhm, should I remove the first question? Because this might only confuse more people...