[sadanddesparate]

Ive been married for just 6 months. I knew before we married that my husband was a binge drinker, and used drugs occasionally. Before we married he promised that he would stop. He hasn't and lately it is just getting worse and is now practically a weekly occurrence.he does try and sometimes comes home at a reasonable time before he gets really badly drunk, othertimes he doesn't. He is not physically abusive and I feel like I am overreacting but it makes me so upset.Im frantic when I know he is going out because I know how the night is going to end (im not a big drinker and hardly ever go out) He has embarrassed me in front of my family and friends. His mother and father are big drinkers they have helped me get him home a couple of times but they just say it is my choice whatever I decide to do leave him or not they don't admit he has a problem)my family live in another country and are supportive of me but I'm too embarrassed to admit his behaviour is still ongoing. Before we married he said he realised his problem once he starts drinking he can't stop. Now he says that this is who he is and he is never going to change for me. I get upset because he doesn't come home till long after the club has closed, he is obnoxious and says mean things in one sentence and then is all sweetness the next like nothing has been said, I worry for his safety because he gets confused and disorientated, alcohol changes him into someone I'm beginning to hate. Its hard because I love the sober him so very much. I have threatened to leave and he just says that I've been looking for reasons to leave and if I'm unhappy to just go. I don't want to leave but I can't go on like this, I feel stupid to get so upset but it is hurtful.I don't know what to do.Ive suggested AA, he laughed said he is not an alcoholic and there is noway he will ever go. I don't know what else to do.

[DrBill100]

Living with a drunk is an emotional roller-coaster than exacts a terrible toll. They look like the person you know and love but you can never predict how they will act. Hostile one minute warm and affectionate the next. That part of our world where we should be able to find stability, security and emotional support is infiltrated by fear and apprehension. No one can exist in that type of emotional atmosphere.

Several factors point to the fact that your husband has a problem and it involves alcohol: 1) repeated drinking to the point of intoxication, 2) loss of control once drinking begins 3) and continuing to drink despite acknowledging a problem.

AA isn't going to work. It isn't designed for those that need it, it only works for those that want it. There is, to the best of my knowledge, no form of assistance for problem drinkers that can be implemented absent their desire.

There are some organizations that can provide some guidance and assistance to those that live with alcoholics. While you frame the problem in the context of your husband's problem, undoubtedly accurate as to cause, it has now become your problem as well. You can't control him but you can act on your own behalf.

I am providing a link to Al-Anon, probably the most accessible organization, with meetings and information available almost everywhere. But there are others i.e. SOS or SMART Recovery

Alcoholism, problem drinking, or however denominated, is a very difficult condition. It is also a very common condition and assistance resources abound. Please look into one or more of these. I believe it will assist you until such time as your husband may become more amenable to help.

If you have further questions... just ask.