[ellie1552]

Please can anyone help me my daughter turned 2 on new years day this year and her tantrums are really getting me down. When she is with her gran she is good as gold until I turn up and once I mention leaving grans house she screams and kicks and cries. I am a single mother so I have to rely on my parents to care for my kids when I'm working and studying. She never does anything I ask her and if I say no to something it ends in a screaming session constantly everyday. Ive tried techniques like naughty step (but she doesn't understand this) and its gets to the stage where I lose my cool with her then which makes the situation work. Im beginning to think my daughter hates me and I have been enquiring about foster care as I don't think I can go on the way things are for much longer. I think I am becoming depressed due to the situation. Please someone give me some things to try before I lose my sanity completely.

[Wondergirl]

I have had two two-year-olds, so I feel your pain.

Try this: instead of saying outright negatives to her, "leave" or "no," and getting upset and angry and then punishing her, spin the negatives into positives and something for her to look forward to and appreciate.

For instance, instead of "We have to leave now. Kiss Grandma goodbye," plan something positive and interesting for after you leave Grandma's (or at least spin it as a positive thing after Grandma's), so you can use that as an incentive. You could even excitedly tell your daughter before you go to Grandma's that "after we go to Grandma's, we're going to xxxxx." Of course, always follow through with what you promised her. It can be something very simple like a new book she hasn't seen yet (go to the library for a stack of kids' books). "There's a new book waiting for you at home. It's about three bears who live in the forest. *blah blah blah* I wonder what the bears are going to do!"

Instead of saying "no" all the time, don't say anything, but just move your body to change her environment. Sit cross-legged on the floor and, without saying a word, bounce a ball and toss it between your hands and spin it around on the floor while totally ignoring her. Or open one of her books and start reading slowly and carefully and with great animation. Or get one of her stuffed animals or dollies, prop it up in front of you, and carry on a conversation with it. (Do the animal's or dolly's voice too, growly or high-pitched, etc.) This will take a bit of time, but will intrigue her and get her interest and break into the tantrum. Before long, she will do the same things with her toys all by herself, and you will get more free time while she plays.

Actually, all you are really doing is teaching her how to play. Toddlers have to be taught that; it's not something they know how to do automatically.

[jenniepepsi]

We love our children. Even at 2 :) lol.

Try giving advance warnings. I find my daughter responds better when I say 'ok, we are leaving in 5 minutes, then we need to say our goodbyes, and we can't throw fits or argue about leaving'
It almost ALWAYS works

[adribebo]

I have a two year old too.

I'm going through something similar. But I don't think giving your baby for foster care is the solution. You as the mother should have the strength and energy to find help. I believe you would damage you baby more by doing such thing. They are lacking our undivided attention and when we have them after work and during the weekend they feel lost they have no more routine that give them stability. I will be putting a routine together for him for after work and during the weekend so he feels he has a point of direction just like they do in school. I have also tried to understand what his crying means what triggers that when we visit relatives or friends. Bottom line is that we need to love our kids no matter what since we are all they got. Parenting is a learning process and we are here to learn and give them guidance for their future we can't give up on them.

[jadebony2]

Being a sole parent is not easy. Easy for people to tell you what you SHOULD be doing etc. Stepping back and being able to see what the child is doing is difficult when you are so close to the situation. Try still, to step back. Take the emotion out. Your child does not hate you. Even adults take out our unhappiness or our frustrations on the one close to us. If you can step back you may see what is really going on. Be very sure that an immediate response or immediate intervention is absolutely the right thing to do. Make sure your parents know and make sure they are on side. They need to support what you do with your child. Do not indulge the child's reactive behaviour. Do not feed into it. Know that if you act early, firmly and from a place of love, and do this consistently, you will succeed because your child will know the boundaries. You are the adult. You set these boundaries. Adults teach each other how to treat each other and to some extent children are doing the same thing. You must teach your child that you are the leader in the pack... lead by example. Set limits. Make them clear and investigate appropriate consequences. Took my daughter several years of hard work with a badly behaved 1st born boy so stick with it. Research. Talk to people. Don't go it alone. Reach out. You can find the solution.