[futuremrs.ball]

So I have known this guy for almost 11 years. We worked together and I was starting my divorce from my ex husband and things were going really bad for me. He was going through some issues with his fiancé as well. We quickly became close and leaned on each other through this. I felt like there was something there between us and a few times felt like he was going to kiss me but he didn't.

Then my husband found out that we were talking and flipped out and made a scene at my job. And confronted the guy. My husband told me that this guy said some things about me saying that basically we just talked because he felt sorry for me and it was all me. I had fallen for this guy and this really hurt me so I didn't speak to him again and decided not to divorce my husband.

A couple years later I ran into him again and found out that he was going into the military and fearing id never see him again I wanted to see him and ask what had happened the night my husband confronted him. We talked and he told me things didn't happen the way I was told. We talked for a little bit and then when he went to basic training I sent him a letter telling him how I felt about him. I figured id never get another chance and I just wanted him to know.

That has been 8 years ago. I am divorced now and have been dating. Last spring I ran into this guy while he was in town visiting his family. We talked for a few minutes and caught up. After that we became friends on Facebook and talked once and exchanged numbers but he was married.

Well recently out of the blue we started talking again. He lives several states away from me and is going to school and is divorced. But we started talking and texting each other daily. We have started becoming close again. He told me that he has cared a lot about me since we worked together ten years ago. And he wants to see what can happen between us. He knows how I feel about him. But I don't know what exactly is going on with us. He has said that he wants to be with me and take this as far as we can. But he also says that we don't know what's going to happen with us. But hasn't said anything about anything official.

It is a long distance. I would like to know what's up. Are we together or not. Is he serious about being with me. I don't want to try a long distance relationship and him really not be interested. He recently came up to see me. And we spent a lot of time together. It was amazing. Just being with him made me care about him even more. He got along great and I am sure there is definitely something there between us. But what does he want, and where do we stand now. I don't know what to do. Could someone please help?

[talaniman]

You do nothing but what you have been doing, no more, no less.

Don't assume, don't presume, because the distance is great for emails, pen pals, texting, and social networking, but not for relationships that haven't started.

Establishing communications?? Why not, dating online?? That's a useless exercise in MY opinion, and unless you can come up with a way to check each other out by closing the distance gap, I sure would stay in the dating scene, and just coast with the friendship, and forget the long distance commitment. There is no hurry to rush in like young teen agers, and crash and burn, is there?

Just my opinion, but if you cannot date casually, and have fun getting to know each other as friends, before you get into commitments, like titles, and being exclusive, forget the love and romance, and just be friends, like you are now.

Answer me this, why would you want to be in a long distance relationship?? Just because you had a few great dates in person??

I just think a better use of this time and situation is to see what he is about, and what he wants, short term, and long. See each other as casual friends when you can. There is no hurry, no need to rush, just see how things develop with realistic expectations.

[futuremrs.ball]

He has talked about moving back home after he graduates from school in a year. We talk on the phone and text each other daily. We already know we care a lot about each other so we are past the basic friendship. I didn't want a long distance relationship but after feeling the way I have about him for this long I am willing to until he gets out of school.

[I wish]

There's no harm in continuing to keep in touch while we plans his move back home. But until you guys can see each other in person on a consistent basis, there's little room for this relationship to grow.

I suggest you continue to keep in touch as friends and if you get an opportunity to be in the same city, then go out on a few dates and go from there.

I wouldn't recommend starting a relationship before you even met up in person after so many years.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to I wish again.

A year? That's a while yet, hope you stay balanced, and not wrap all your hopes and dreams up in him during that time.