[Nano23]

Ok so I was with a guy for almost 4 years and it was great we get along really well, completely in love with each other were neighbours and share the same friends. About a year
Into the relationship I found out he had been texting other girls behind my back we broke up after that because I felt so betrayed by him and what he'd done
We were broken up for 2 months and then got back together after we sorted things out and decided we should forget the past and be together
After that though my trust in him was gone and I was constantly afraid he was going to do it again... Or worse!
So my paranoia basically got out of control and we ended up fighting every time we were out his solution to this was to stop going on nights out with me and our friends and just go out with one of his other male friends (who happens to be single) every weekend this made my paranoia and our relationship worse and worse
Finally I got to breaking point one night and (like a big stupid child) acted out
We were in a friends house after a night out and I ended my relationship, not really thinking it true too much alcohol was Involved, and spent that night flirting with another guy having him follow me around and stuff I knew what I was doing trying to make the ex jealous but it was a serious mistake I didn't kiss the other guy or anything like that but I really really hurt my ex which I didn't intend to do
Anyway after a few months of fighting and apologising and me realising what I had done he decided we could try work on things
But it was constant fighting between us and so here is my 2nd mistake on a night out I got sick of the fighting and decided to annoy him and spent the night dancing with his friend.. Nothing happened and he knew it never would but this made the ex so mad he wouldn't even speak to me for a month
While we've been broken up he's slept with several women, I haven't slept with anyone.
After all that we have decided to give it a go and try to work towards getting back into a relationship we didn't want to jump straight back in to things because there is a lot of crap and bad feelings to sort out
But he is just not willing to forget about things and put them behind us we argue everyday over what's happened and now he's bringing up things from even before we were together trying to make me feel guilty
I really want this to work we both do but it's so hard I know I'm not going to hurt him again after all that's happened I know what I want and it's him but he just won't believe that I want us to be able to move on from this but he won't he really puts me down when we fight even if it's in front of people saying I'm a slut , a whore , a tramp a piece of ****... Etc.
I don't know what to do to help him to forgive me
I've suggested counselling but he won't go
Am I mad to expect him to forgive me? Or am I feeling guilt when you shouldn't?

[mystific]

You both are being immature and disrespectful to each other.

You should do yourselves both the biggest favour and move on. It's not going to work. You are only out to score points against him because of his texts. You haven't moved on. You can't forgive him and won't.

What do you expect him to call you? You are acting like all of the things he's said. Just to make him jealous and make him chase you. To justify your guilt.

You want forgiveness. Walk away. Let time be the healer for both of you. You're not going to be able to talk this one out. He's still raw from your pathetic jealous rants.

Perhaps the time and distance will also increase your levels of maturity in dealing with situations.

[DoulaLC]

If he can't forgive and forget, you have little choice but to end the relationship and move on as mystific suggested.

It obviously can't continue as it is for either of you to be happy in the relationship.

His calling you names, and not willing to put forth any effort, shows how little he really cares about you and the relationship, as does your flirting and carrying on to try and get back at him.

Learn from the experience and let it go.

[talaniman]

A couple who argues and fights, calls names, hurts each other will not work. He isn't willing to go to counseling or do whatever it takes so let this go, and don't make the mistake of trying it again.

[amicon]

It didn't work the first time,it's not working now-time to realise it's time to walk away.

[Jake2008]

I don't see much hope unless the two of you can agree to counselling. If resolving conflicts and problems now, result in breakups, sleeping around, verbal abuse and no resolve, then what is the point of 'trying'.

The two of you have to learn how to communicate, and without that, nothing will change. You both need to learn how to express yourselves honestly, and work through problems, and get past them. Sometimes there is just too much damage done to make that possible. And without two people willing to put the time into learning how to have a healthy relationship, there is no point. History will just keep repeating itself.