[macquera]

My boyfriend has always been abusive, but I felt trapped and he was always saying he wanted to change... yet, I stayed. Its all my fault that I am in this situation. I should have known better. I had my concerns because I knew he drank a bit but he always downplayed it saying he really didn't drink that much. Only once a week, and we never spoke about it much. So I just thought other people said he had issues but he didn't really. However now I realise he had a big drinking problem and gets really aggressive.

He was drinking behind my back and hiding it in the toilet etc. Anyway, he became more and more possessive as time went on. He was saying that I was cheating when I was having a shower. He said that the bathroom wasn't steamed up etc, so obviously I was calling someone else. He would get so angry at me for looking at other guys (which I wasn't even doing!) and would accuse me of cheating all the time. I dontsee any of my friends anymore and can't speak to any guy friends anymore. He even accuses me of being a lesbian now. I never feel like sleeping with him because of all this and he just gets angrier.

He went through my phone the other day when I was in the shower... and of course didn't find a thing. However he got angry with me anyway. I always wear baggy clothes now to try not attract attention and I never go to the gym or anything anymore because he always accuses me. I look down wherever I walk because I don't want him to accuse me of cheating.

He owes me heaps of money and whenever I ask for it he says I'm always on at him. Yet he will go out and spend all his money on booze and porn.

He threatens suicide all the time now, and I know now that he has tried some serious attempts in the past. I thought I could handle it all on my own but I cant. He got drunk and came around to my house and broke in, and smashed my windscreen on my car. I said if he comes around again I will call the police and he just said 'you have too much to hide' because of issues we have, and that he would kill me and 'cut me up into pieces.' I want to move out temporarily and change my job but I am scared I won't be able to find work. I'm also scared he'll hurt other members of my family if I'm not there.

I have called dv helplines and they have told me to get an order against him but I don't think that would stop him. He is too wild when he is drinking and too angry. He has lost all of his friends from drinking and abusing them.

I just don't know what else to do. I'm scared that Ive ruined his life and my life and my families lives

[amicon]

You should contact your nearest women's shelter and get them to help you,this scumbag might well,and sorry for being harsh,kill you.

This is escalating and you need to leave-now.

You should also go to the police and report his death threats.

This is n o t your fault-do NOT blame yourself-just get help and get out.

[Fr_Chuck]

Walk out of the house, drive away, if you have things you own, take them, if you can get any money get it, and go, find a shelter and start over.

[talaniman]

Leave and find a safe place or shelter, and let your family and friend know what you are doing and ask them for help, and above all NEVER GO BACK NO MATTER WHAT!!