[sumwuan]

Im 31 Years old. I've been broken up with my ex for at least 4 years. Now I know what your thinking but I don't want to be with her. I just want to stop comparing every other women to her because in my eyes they will never match up. I've been single ever since we broke up. What can I do? I'm not a bad looking dude. Actually in most women's eyes I am a very handsome man. But I won't let anybody in. I'm sick of being alone. I quit doing drugs(like pot and stuff) and I quit drinking. I've been sober for over 3 years. I'm starting to think that is my problem. When I was drinking I had a girl when ever I wanted seriously. I don't want to drink anymore but I also don't want to be alone . HELP!

[southamerica]

Could it be that you've never been good at letting anyone in, unless you were liquored up or high?

Your ex may be the last girl who stuck around long enough to break down your barriers, but that's your weakness and not her strength if you understand what I'm saying.

You should take time getting to know, like, and be comfortable with yourself. You're 31, and you want to get out of the party phase and into a more serious phase. Maybe you're looking for women in the wrong places. Are you still picking up women at bars? Maybe taking a class (e.g. foreign language, rock climbing, cooking, crafts-whatever interests you) would be a better option.

Once you get to know yourself, I hope you'll be comfortable and confident enough to let others in. Good luck!

[Aprilshowers44]

Sounds to me like you have to get over your ex. For some reason you are holding unto her and if she were perfect for you, you would still be with her. Sometimes it is hard to accept that the person we want for yourselves is not the right person for us. You really have to get over her so that you can move on because if not you won't let anyone measure up to her, no matter how good that person is. There is no such thing as a perfect girl and if you believe she was perfect then you are mistaken, no one is. When you you meet someone new don't focus on the things you don't like about her but focus on the things you DO like about her. Once you do that her good qualities will outshine the negative ones and then maybe you can find the right person for you.

[askmehelpdesk_b]

Well in my opinion drinking is not the problem.. congratulations on being sober for so long... keep it up! You won't let anyone in because you are still holding on to that pass relationship. When you start to, or think about, dating someone else and that last relationship enters your mind and you can't help but think oh her... then you are not over her completely... there is still some love and caring that you have for her... that's why you can not move on.